My Purpose
by Crimson-Eyed-Angel99
Summary: Completed - I'm fine, or would be if everyone would just LEAVE ME ALONE. As if a stalker improves things. Why does she keep following me, asking me... I'm fine just being alive. Not everyone needs a purpose. Satoshi/Risa.
1. Chapter 1: Satoshi

Disclaimer: I don't own DNAngel, or "YuGiGO" hee hee hee... or Yugioh.

My first DNAngel fic! And there is a sad lack of SatoshiRisa multi-chapter fics so I'm contributing my own! Keep in mind, I've only seen AMVs of the anime and am reading the manga, so if my facts are off, sorry. I really don't know much about the ending of the series but I saw Satoshi get wings... and Risa with his jacket... so there you go.

Oh. NONE OF THIS IS YAOI! ... and how often do you see THAT in a dnangel fic? And dividers are wacko... so I have a makeshift divider. Sorry for the mess, annoys me...

Edit: Okay, revamping! Yay for revamping! I didn't change a lot, but some of the phrases, added monologues in Satoshi's head... interesting things to improve the writing (hopefully). I can only hope revamping this doesn't make me lose my earlier reviews... hope you enjoy re-reading this, or reading it for the first time! It's hopefully clearer and less contradictory to itself now. Thanks a lot for everyone who commented!

(divider)

Risa Harada is stalking me.

I've felt her eyes on me all day, staring into my back.

I don't know what she expects, white wings to rip their way out of my back again? Me to crumple under them in some secret inner turmoil? To watch with interest and perhaps some sense of impending doom, the drama that is the arrival of "White Dark-san"?

"Hiwatari-san!"

She's poking me with her pencil. I can feel the eraser pressing on the back of my uniform (and probably leaving various shavings which I'll have to walk around with all day. Harada must die...) as she prods again, making it impossible to concentrate on the teacher. I turn slowly, fixing her with Glare 57.

I have numbers for my glares, is that so strange? The Eskimos have over 200 different words for snow, which they see every day. I glare at nearly everyone, every day, so it only makes sense that I should number mine.

Harada gets Glare 57; my icy, will-you-PLEASE-get-AWAY-from-me glare that threatens to bore into her skin and permanently damage her psyche. Or so my mental summary goes.

But Risa is oblivious, of course.

"Hiwatari-san, I need to give you---"

"Harada-san, is there something important you have to say? If so, stand up so the whole class can hear you!" The teacher snaps impatiently.

Harada just looks at him indignantly, as if she has a RIGHT to interrupt class. I could almost applaud the teacher for glaring right back at her and obviously trying to fight back some primal urge to strangle the girl.

Yes. Please. Get this psycho away from me before I go to the bathroom and puke from all this cutesyness.

What did Niwa ever see in this girl? He's insane.

I can't stand her.

But back to the unfolding drama of Harada vs. Makayu-sensei...

Apparently the teacher has told little Ms. Harada off and she plunks her rear back down in her seat behind me huffily. The teacher has just starting speaking again when the prodding begins. Again. What am I, a piece of meat?!

If Risa could see into my mind at the moment, I believe she'd go blind.

When I finally turn to her, if nothing else then to order her to stop, a note is shoved at me, "Hiwatari" in large, flowing, cursive letters on the cover. It takes all my willpower not to roll my eyes. Who puts the name on a note to the person right in front of you?

I unfold it anyway. The note itself is scribbly and immature. I guess Harada only cares to decorate that which people actually SEE, even though no one is going to see the note if all goes well... this girl confuses me.

It reads:

-I've got your jacket, meet me after school, at the front, and I'll give it back to you. Risa -

She's dotted the i in her name with a heart. How... predictable.

My jacket...?

Oh, I put it over her while she was unconscious... it was the jacket those wings ripped through. I'm surprised it isn't in tatters really... probably is. It'd be just my luck to get it back in pieces.

I return my attention to the teacher, the only thing in the room that distracts me from my thoughts. It's our last period until the weekend.

Oh joy. What fun I can have in my apartment, wondering what purpose I have now that Dark and Krad have both vanished!

And that was courtesy of my newfound hobby, sarcasm.

And Daisuke believes I'd be happy to finally be released from the burden of chasing Dark. He's happy with Riku, though still mourning the loss of Dark. Such an innocent, naive little Niwa... still, I can't blame him for his own happy ending, simply because I didn't get one.

It's like that strange, strange anime I watched once. Yu-Gi-Go I think it was... a kid with this horrifying hairdo had a darker side called "Yami", ironically enough. They were happy, no matter what happened, and they depended on each other with something resembling a brothership. Then there was a child named Ryou, who also had a yami. (The distinction between Yami and yami was rather thin. Most just called Yami, "Yugi" or "Pharaoh". A very confusing series indeed. It didn't help that yami also means dark. I think I stopped watching it because I got a headache.) Anyway, Ryou's yami, Bakura, was cruel and a villain throughout the series. Everyone in the series hated him (Bakura) and was sometimes scared of Ryou because he might become his yami at any time.

So if Daisuke is Yugi, and I'm Ryou...

Now I really do wonder how that series ended.

Did Ryou ever find happiness? Or sanity?

Note to self, never let thoughts wander in history class again.

(divider)

WHY did she want to meet HERE. Where everyone is gathered, it's like a convention of gossip, and Risa's right in the middle of it...

And the worst part is I could've walked right past her! Pretended she wasn't even there, and gotten away with it!

If she hadn't yelled my name for all the world to hear.

"Hiwatari-san!" She called --okay, I won't lie-- yelled. Hollered. At the top of her lungs. It seemed like the general population of the school seemed to turn to stare at her.

And, of course, me.

Yay.

As I walk reluctantly over to her, she almost seems to grow quieter, or as much as it is possible for Risa Harada anyway. My jacket is tucked under her arm and I can already see two long rips in the fabric across the back.

Oh well.

Harada offers the jacket, her face matching the color of her hair as I take it.

Why do girls blush around me anyway?

I need to work on my stay-away-from-me aura.

"Thank you for coming Hiwatari-san. Um... when I got your jacket, this floated out of it. Is it... white Dark-san's?"

She pulls out a white feather from her shirt. It's one of Krad's obviously, but why is she keeping it inside her shirt? I'm never going to understand women... I don't think I even want to...

She's still waiting for an answer to her question. May as well humor the masses.

"Yes, it's Krad's." I reply, turning to go. I hear a soft, surprised "erk!" behind me. Apparently she wasn't expecting for me to leave so soon. Tough Harada, I'm abandoning ship as of now.

"Can I--" She starts and I interrupt, assuming I know what she's about to say.

"You can keep the feather."

"O... kay..." She says slowly, sounding confused, then continues, "But I wanted to know if... H-Hiwatari-san, can I walk you home?" She asks, her voice even higher then usual. And trembly.

I don't stop walking, eventually hearing her 'hmph' and stomp after me.

Why can't she stalk someone else?

"Well Hiwatari-kun, I'm going to walk with you ANYWAY. I'm supposed to be your friend and I don't even know where you live!" She has an obsession with staring at me when she speaks, and seems to expect me to do the same to her.

"You're not my friend and you don't know where I live because I never cared to show you." I reply icily. Risa sighs dramatically.

"Well, maybe I_ want _to get to _know_ you better Hiwatari-kun. There are tons of people who want to know you but you don't ever open up--"

"I like being closed, thank you Harada-san." I interrupt. This girl is ANNOYING. I'd rather listen to Dark yell insults at me as he gets away then be here, listening to Risa Harada preach to me about opening up.

This is what is would sound like if I opened up/explained myself:

'Suppressed emotions are what I've dealt with since I knew I was a Hikari Harada-san. All I do is hate and that's been working rather well for me; last time I tried caring about someone, it didn't turn out so well and my alter ego tried him, and then his former crush, namely you. So, I don't put much stock in trusting, or caring about anyone anymore. If you'd like to try to fix this, you can go live my life for a couple years and when you come back, give me some tips won't you?'

End mental monologue, and back to Harada's new comment on my statement that I like being closed.

"Then I'll have to make you won't I Satoshi-_sama_?"

Her tone is sarcastic. It's simple to accept sarcasm.

But the tone, and the words, are **his**.

I can feel my body flinch; I have no control for a second, only realizing that Harada has plunged me back into... painful memories.

It's just my luck that for once in my life, Harada is paying attention to someone besides herself and notices.

"Hiwatari-kun? Are you okay?" She asks, brown eyes wide in concern and I want to scream at her, erase her memory, do a little feather-glow-thing and make her pass out. Forget she saw the physical reaction of what she said...

Sometimes I hate being human. Krad's never here if I actually want him...

He would've paid big money to hear me say that.

But now I must stop angsting inwardly, which appears to be what I do best, and answer Harada's question.

"Yes. Of course." I say calmly, gritting my teeth and forcing the corners of my mouth into a faint smile (which probably looks more like a smirk). I mentally lock down all remaining emotion in my tone and the assurance comes out with a rather deadened, icy tone. I stop in front of my apartment, which, thankfully, we've already arrived at.

I don't think I can take another minute playing "Dodge-Harada's-Probing-Questions".

Harada looks up at the building, this confused expression flickering over her face.

"You live HERE?"

"Yes. That's why I stopped, Harada-san." I say smoothly, waiting. I can feel my key burning a hole in my pocket. Why isn't she leaving yet? Is she going to ask me to walk her home? Oh please... no, Fate can't be that cruel to me... then again, Fate did give me Krad... it can't be that cruel again!

"Well... can I come in?" She asked innocently.

Apparently, Fate CAN be that cruel and worse...

"No." I reply cheerfully, dispensing with any pretence of politeness and opening the door, the lock clunking out of place. It still shocks me sometimes that I live in a place that Dark could break into so simply. Krad would never forgive me...

I open the door and Harada bounces in after me, disregarding my order completely that she couldn't come in. Should I feed her to the alligators I wonder?

"Hello!" She calls cheerfully into the echo-y apartment and I have to hide a smirk.

"You don't have to bother, there's no one here."

The weather outside finally snaps, the storm clouds that have been hanging overhead all day grumble, then send a downpour of rain, effectively cutting off my last escape route from Harada. Even if I am being impolite, I can't send her out in the rain without an umbrella or raincoat.

And if I DID give her a raincoat, this whole mess would probably happen all over again when she tried to return it and she'd find another way to make me have my own personal therapy/'bonding time' with her. So, no raincoat for Harada. Which means I'm stuck with her. Oh YAY.

"Wow, it's really coming down..." Her voice pierces my thoughts. She's standing over by the window, making painfully obvious observations. I sigh and walk over next to her, glancing at said rain. It is indeed " really coming down". Curses.

"Correct."

As if she needed that comment Satoshi.

"I... used to be really scared of thunderstorms." She continues.

Okay, thank you for that insightful bit of information Harada.

"Really, really scared." She repeats.

"I'm sorry." But I'm not.

"Then again... I used to be really scared of angels too, so I guess I'm just weird." She smiles sheepishly after saying this, though it leaves me a bit confused. What kind of person is scared of angels?

"Why?"

"Oh!" She seems surprised I actually showed interest this time. Revel in it Harada, it probably won't happen again.

"Well, I guess it was the wings, or the magnitude, I don't know. There's a giant angel picture in the church Riku and I go to. When I was little, it scared me every time I passed it, because the picture gave the implication that this angel could FIGHT. But when I got older, I realized that the angel was never against me, it was protecting me. So now... it makes me happy and safe. Isn't that weird?"

I shake my head, against my better judgement that's screaming that her fear was indeed, VERY weird.

There is silence for a moment, blessed quietness that's only broken by the rain outside.

Of course, Harada is the one to break it, shatter it into little bitty pieces.

"Why is Daisuke the only one you'll talk to?"

I stare at her, the question having surprised me. What right does she have to pry into... oh yes. This is Risa Harada we're talking about.

"I don't see how that's any of your business Harada-san."

"Can't you answer Hiwatari-kun?"

Her tone is mocking. It annoys me, but then, everything about her annoys me. I move away from the window, heading into the kitchen. She doesn't follow me, thankfully, but she does keep talking. Pity...

"Should I call my family and tell them I'm here? Oh, the rain seems to be letting up a bit..."

I thump back against the wall in the kitchen, staring morbidly up at the ceiling. I thump my head against the wall again.

Normally I wouldn't indulge in physical self-pity but this is a special case.

Thunk.

Thunk.

Thunk.

Maybe if I do this long enough, when I open my eyes, she'll be gone!

Thunk.

Thunk.

Thun--"Hiwatari-kun, what are you doing?" Her voice asks me over the pattering of the rain which was, miraculously, the only other noise in the apartment for a few precious seconds besides the sound of my head hitting the wood of the wall.

"Nothing Harada-san." I reply. She still looks skeptical but then her look changes.

I've never seen this one, I don't remember it... what is it?

It almost looks like sympathy...

"Hiwatari-kun... do you ever miss White Dark-san? Or... or Dark-san?"

I stare at her. That's two times she's caught me off guard. I could grow to hate this girl.

"I..."

Curse my voice for betraying me!

"No. I don't miss Krad. Never. I hate him."

**Perfect Satoshi-sama, she's really going to believe that. You know that you miss me. Let me simply kill her and everything will be simpler.**

Even when he doesn't exist, I can still imagine what he'd say. I hate him!

Her voice is going to interrupt me again, I hear her take a breath that betrays her newest comment.

"You don't miss Dark-kun either?"

"Why do you want to know?" The question comes from me quietly and I could kill my voice for lacking the disinterest and coldness that it should have but doesn't.

Harada looks at the ground a little sadly.

"I... I read something the other day... it's been proven that when the purpose for one's life is taken away, you die. Hiwatari-kun, you always said your purpose for life was to catch Dark-kun. But... D-Dark-sama is never coming back, an-and White Dark-kun doesn't need you anymore since he's gone too so..."

She's staring at me. With pity.

I hate pity. Make her stop looking at me like that! I don't want to be pitied! Daisuke pitied, I think Dark pitied me at one point... why am I always "poor Satoshi", or "that poor Hikari"?! I held up under Krad! I survived everything, so why does everyone look at me with that same, sad expression?

"Hiwatari-kun, what is your purpose?" She asks softly, those brown eyes burning a hole in me.

Be calm Satoshi, get her... just get her away! She can't be this close... she can't... I hate being this helpless when she only pities me! She's just like everyone else, I'm only a project, she doesn't care.

There. If she doesn't care, I can shove her away.

Nothing is real.

"...the rain's let up. You should go." My voice whispers but I didn't say those words. I have the advantage of an uncrackable mask but even now I can feel the tiniest piece falling, shattering like my glasses. Even though I know what she feels, says, is artificial, it's so hard... to shove her away.

Harada stares at me, shocked that I have completely buffered her question. I've seen through you Risa Harada. Just don't come near me...

"B-but Hiwatar--"

"You should go." I repeat, standing and going to the door, the rain having a temporary pause.

"Don't wait too long, or you'll get caught in it again. Go. Now." I'm not pleading. I'm not asking. I'm telling. I'm calm.

She's just standing there, staring at me again.

"Is this the way you do it Hiwatari-san? You just pretend nothing happens even when I'm talking to you?" She walks over to the doorway but pauses, gazing at me sadly. I can't stand her gaze...

"And you've been doing it so long and I never noticed. I really must be an idiot..." She seems about to touch me, her hand raising slightly, her long hair brushing back over her shoulder.

I step back, waiting for her to leave.

Go.

Just go!

She shakes her head, stepping outside, and it's all I can do not to slam the door behind her. I sink to the ground after I close and lock it, staring out the window at the stormy clouds that match the thoughts crowding my mind. Oh how poetic...

What was it she asked me? I think I missed it... when I realized that she only pitied me...

_"Hiwatari-kun, what is your purpose?" _

Stupid Satoshi. I should've at least answered her, even while I was plunging into the depths of angst.

"I don't have a purpose...."

(divider)

I changed quite a bit in that one... -breathes again- Hopefully it got better for yas!


	2. Chapter 2: Risa

Disclaimer: See first chapter.

Let's see... now it's Risa's POV. Check the chapter titles if you're not sure at any point. They always say who's POV it's in, but I simply bounced back and forth between Risa and Satoshi.

Did anyone pick up on the fact Satoshi NEVER thought of Risa as simply Risa in the first chapter? I'm kinda proud of that. XD Since, if he isn't close to her, he shouldn't think that way!

(divider)

I honestly just want to help him.

I've been watching Daisuke and Riku and I've been getting... I suppose I should just say it and be honest with myself, I'm jealous of what they have. Really jealous.

Every time I come home, Riku is there, beaming like a lightbulb, almost glowing with excitement, bubbling with news about what she and Daisuke did, or how cute he is. I never thought of my older sister as being so happy before. She's always serious and the tomboy... I'm the frilly, girly one.

But since she found out Daisuke liked her, everything's been changed around.

She's oblivious to anything that has changed with me, her mind is always off with Daisuke. And things have changed with me... I'm not dressing even like I used to. Hiwatari-kun probably didn't even noticed that I was dressed in all black today, my black choker with the gothic cross topping off the outfit. I'm not dressing to impress anymore, and that used to be all that mattered to me.

But I'm not the same. Even though... I still love Dark. Maybe that's why how I dress reflects the way he does. All black and darkness. I even have a shirt that has wings imprinted on the back, outlined in white against the black of the shirt. I think of Krad though, whenever I see it.

My sister doesn't know, or simply doesn't care. Probably the latter... maybe this is her revenge for all those years I didn't pay real attention to her.

But, aside from her, something else has changed. My thoughts... I'm noticing more, when I'm not dreaming of Krad.

I noticed Satoshi Hiwatari, really saw him, for the first time.

Now, what I felt, no, FEEL! for Dark is not, and will never be, what I feel for Satoshi. But...

I watch his eyes sometimes, in class, and they don't move, don't roam like almost everyone else's gaze, which shifts from person to person, to their friends, enemies, teacher, out the classroom door, it doesn't matter. His simply stay focused on the teacher, even though I know he could do all this in his sleep. No emotions hover in his eyes.

And yesterday... when I we were going to his house and I called him Satoshi-sama...

I watched an expression of shock take over his face and eyes.

Part of me got this... sadist happiness at making him show emotion! I didn't want to startle him like that... but I proved to myself that he is human. He does feel. However, it's strange to watch that happen to someone you think of as emotionless. I don't know what I considered him before, but not a real person with a weakness for human emotions.

Some weathered, icy statue, standing in a park, always stared at and the center of things, but no one touches it. His blue hair, icy eyes... untouchable, but not in a bad way. Just... above everyone else with his genius.

I stir the warm hot chocolate I made when I came home from his house with a finger. It's not really hot enough to burn me now, and I'm bored with my musings. Riku however, looks at me strangely.

"Risa, why are you stirring your hot chocolate with your finger?"

"Riku, what do you think about Hiwatari-kun?"

Why does it seem like we're always asking each other these questions? I take my finger out from my hot chocolate and stick it in my mouth, waiting for her answer. Mmm... chocolate...

She stares at me, then a smile tugs at her mouth and she grins widely.

"I thought you didn't like guys with glasses! You've publicized that to the entire school!"

"I DON'T LIKE HIM!!"

I hate how she assumes things!! Did I EVER assume anything about her and Daisuke? DID I?!

But, I'm the first to admit (mentally that is), that I'm not the greatest at spotting relationships. I stick my finger back in my hot chocolate, then back into my mouth, waiting for her to reply. She's not really paying attention now is she...

"Then why are you asking?" Riku says, partially returning her attention to the mindless cartoon she's watched, munching chips, happy as a clam. Why can't I be that casual about life?

And, in answer to my question, no, I don't think she's paying much attention now that I've shrieked that I don't like Hiwatari. I fidget, taking the finger out of my mouth and reverting to sipping some of the hot beverage then speaking, the liquid smoothing my voice.

"I'm just asking because I'm curious. I mean, what do you know about him?"

Play it cool Risa. Your sister isn't an enemy... heh, the first time I've actually had to tell myself that! Well, except when we were competing over everything...

"If you want to get to know the guy, why don't you ask HIM?" She says, then looks over at me slyly, eyes shining.

"You walked home with him didn't you?" She comments sweetly, smirking, turning around completely from her cartoon and hanging over the back of the couch to look at me pensively.

"I-I had to give him his jacket!" I stutter, flustered, and I stand. Riku's pushing the issue... She's done so much I've refrained from commenting on... how DARE she get on my back for this?! I asked a simple question! Even if I am overreacting a bit, she's being a pain!

"--And frankly, I don't see how it's any of your business!"

Having delivered my statement, I flounce out of the room to go take a bath. After undressing and sinking into the warmth of the tub, I can now properly review facts.

I yelled at Riku.

Okay, well, there's that and--

I yelled at Riku because I was mad at _Satoshi_.

That's not fair to her.

Or him.

He's just being who he is. Who he's always been. And I'm getting mad at him like usual...

"Risa? Can I come in?" Riku looks in the door, still fully-dressed. I tilt my head questioningly.

"Just for a moment... I'm sorry if I was pushing about Hiwatari-kun but... well, you walked home with him, you're asking about him, it really sounds like--"

I cut her off. I don't need to hear it again.

"No, Riku, I'm sorry for snapping at you. It's not your fault I was mad at Sato--Hiwatari-kun. It just seems like he carries so much on his own and it frustrates me when he won't talk to me... so I guess I was taking it out on you..."

I look down at the water, making a tiny whirlpool with my finger. My sister is actually silent for a moment, then smirks.

"You should walk him to school tomorrow. If you want to know about him, that is. He can probably tell you a lot more about himself than I can."

My head shoots up at her suggestion and I think my eyes are about to bulge out of their sockets. ME?! Walk Hiwatari-kun to school?

"I've never seen anyone walk with him to school besides occasionally other boys... do you think he'll let me?"

"You don't have to give him a choice you know!" Riku announces cheerfully, then bounces out of the bathroom, a devious grin widely spread across her face.

Well...

Maybe I don't.

(divider)

When I get there Monday morning, the apartment complex is dark. I tromp up the stairs and knock on his door. I hope he's up... it is a bit early, but he should be up! I think... Oh, I REALLY hope I don't wake him up. Judging from his behavior at school, I don't think he's much of a morning person.

"Hiwatari-kun?"

There isn't an answer, so I knock louder. Be AWAKE!

"Hiwatari-kun!" I call louder, hoping I'm not waking anyone else up. Fortunately, no one seems to be stirring and I hear a groan from inside the apartment and something thunk onto the floor loudly.

"Hiwatari-kun?" I question, wondering when I'm going to lose my nerve and take off to school without him. Darn you for this idea Riku! I'm going to put cold spaghetti in your bed again as soon as I get the chance.

"Hnnnnn.... who is it.......?" A bleary voice comes and it's all I can do not to begin getting annoyed. He's STILL asleep? After all that? AND falling out of bed? At least... I assume that's what he did.

"It's Risa Harada, will you open the door?!" I ask, more then a hint of command in my voice and he opens the door.

"Risa.....?"

I blush a little at the lack of an honorific, or his usual habit of simply calling me by my last name. But the blush vanishes as he opens the door, the lock chain preventing it from opening fully. He looks out at me in confusion, then shuts the door again and takes off the chain. I can hear it sliding out of place, then he opens it again.

GOOD LORD... eheheheh... now that I can actually see him in the light, I can tell Hiwatari-kun is definitely not a morning person. His usually perfectly positioned blue hair is messy and brushes limply against his forehead. He isn't wearing his glasses and the blue eyes that are usually so calculating and precise are fuzzy and tired. Even his clothing is wrinkled and loose. And it's still the uniform from last night... did he sleep in it? Obviously...

I just stare. And stare. And staaaaaaaaare.

"H-Hiwatari-kun?" I manage to eep out, in all my genius. He nods, then appears to finally recognize me.

"H-Harada-san!" He says with a sudden revelation, glances down at his slept-in school uniform and then turns quickly to go back inside. I follow him, uninvited, but I don't think he'll mind...

"What happened Hiwatari-kun? You look... um..." I ask. I'm curious! The one guy at our school who NEVER appears in anything but his own personal perfection wakes up looking like that. There's something wrong here.

He looks over at me in blurry confusion, misty blue eyes blinking slowly. I can feel that darned blush appearing again. He actually looks... interesting this way... BUT NOT CUTE! He does not look cute! I don't like boys with glasses, so he doesn't look cute!

...but he's not wearing glasses right now. So maybe he is. Cute. A little! Just a little!

"What do I look like?" He asks innocently and I suddenly notice the lack of mirrors in the apartment. Perhaps Hiwatari doesn't like looking at himself...

I could learn more about him simply from his apartment! What an interesting little fact... I didn't pick up on a lot about it last night, obsessed more with the rain like the moron I can be.

Satoshi lifts a cup of cold brown liquid sitting on the table, then looks at it in disgust, pouring it quickly down the drain as if it's about to bite him.

I take a random guess.

"Coffee bad?"

"I can't stand the stuff."

Then why did you make it?! Satoshi is so strange...

My sleepy companion goes into one of the other rooms, shutting the door behind him, so I assume he's changing into his school uniform, erm, a different one from the one he slept in. He must have another one. He hasn't even asked me why I'm here yet... which is rather strange...

"So Harada-san, why are you in my apartment?" An icy, familiar voice that's meant to intimidate comes from behind me as if on cue and I turn to see the Satoshi that I see every day at school. The smug one with way too many secrets to be real.

But it's very hard to intimidate me when I've seen him confused and half-asleep.

"I'm here to walk you to school!" I say cheerfully with more enthusiasm then I actually feel.

"And who authorized you to undertake _that _little excursion?" He asks cynically, giving me a look that says 'do your parents know you're here little girl?'.

He doesn't have to be so mean about it... I resist the urge to stick out my tongue and him and simply give him a smug look that clearly says '-I- gave myself permission and there's NOTHING you can do about it!' His eyebrow quirks upward and he has to fight back a smile, turning towards the door, shaking his head.

"And by the way, I have low blood pressure which makes me a little out of it in the morning, so don't think anything you said, or could ever say, got that reaction from me." He comments, and I blink. Uh, I didn't even ask about it.

"Yeah, why did you throw me out last night?" I call after him, running after his retreating footsteps that clang going down the stairs. Darn, he's fast. And avoiding my question!

I wonder if he hates me. Maybe he just doesn't have an answer. Maybe he thinks I don't really like him. Aw, come on, what's not to like about an angsty, silent, smug, sulky, glasses-wearing teen and his scary ex-alter ego?

Quite a lot...

But I may as well chase after him anyway.

"Hey, wait up!"

(divider)

He's silent as we walk, predictably. It's frustrating, so I plan on filling the air with mindless chatter. Oh yipee.

"So, looking forward to winter break?"

No answer. Well... that was expected.

"Did you do anything over the weekend?"

More of the same. Surprise surprise. Oh help... his sarcasm is on me! Get it off, get it off!

"Did you--"

"Harada-san, do you expect me to do something?"

His eyes flash up to glare at me as he speaks, blue eyes viewed through glass piercing me. He's both helpless and angry... at me? Because of me? This doesn't make sense...

"Because I don't plan to, and I'm not going to play "Risa's community service project" until you feel you've made me happy. I want you to stay away from me." He continues, not meeting my eyes anymore and obviously wanting to storm off in a huff. Wait... what did he call me?

"... you called me Risa...?"

"Do you have selective hearing? I told you I want you to go away."

Yes! So I have selective hearing! Who cares?! I'm going to be your friend and YOU ARE GOING TO LIKE IT SATOSHI HIWATARI!

"Satoshi-kun, I just want you to open up. I DO want you to be happy! I know what it feels like to lose someone, and I don't want you to have no purpose to live! If the only thing I do is cause you to hate me for the rest of your life, it's still a purpose!" I rant, not really knowing where all that came from. I'm really stuck on this purpose thing... it just scares me, the idea that Satoshi could suddenly just... die. Vanish. Without anyone ever really caring. I'd feel guilty forever, knowing that Daisuke tried but I couldn't even make an attempt to help.

Just after my speech began, he froze, glaring at me even more. I can feel shivers moving down my spine now as he hisses darkly.

"Harada-san, our "relationship" will _never_ be close enough for you to call me Satoshi. Stay away from me Harada."

He starts stalking away with a feral gleam in his eyes and I let him get a fair distance before I start after him again. Stay at least two people lengths behind your target so he doesn't go psycho on you.

I won't give up though.

I won't!

He's not just my "project"! If that's what he really thinks of me, I'm just going to have to prove otherwise.

He's not... I'd never use anyone like that. It hurts to think that's how shallow he pictures me.

But I'm going to keep trying.

Somewhere inside that heart ringed with ice, he can feel.

And I'm going to melt the ice. Whether he likes it or not.

(divider)

Edit: Hey! I changed a lot in that one too! Apologies for changing Risa's personality a bit, but it makes her seem more human doesn't it? I hope so anyway...

annnnnd there's chapter two. Wasn't that fast? Please review now!


	3. Chapter 3: Satoshi

Disclaimer: See first chapter. The song "Why can't I" which has a cameo in here, belongs to Liz whatsherface.

Annnnnd back we go to Satoshi's POV! Thanks goes out to all reviewers!

Edit: Okay... revamping is time-consuming. You people start reviewing again, cause this takes my time, and it should steal some of yours. -grins- Apologies if there are typos in here!This site is doing these horrible things to my chapters! GAHHH!

(divider)

She's a fool.

I should stop thinking about her right about... now.

My mind never cooperates when I want it to.

I can still hear her following me. She's stuck-up, a pain in the rear, everything I hate! And she pities me. That alone makes her a danger, an evil in my mind. She's just like everyone else, nothing special, nothing I'm going to pay attention to.

If only she would stop STALKING ME. I told her I'm fine didn't I? I told her that I don't need her, her and her projects.

I walk inside, hearing the chatter of students not yet in class washing over the halls. The bell is about to ring however, so the noise is bearable; many of the students having already run off to class. My stalker follows me stubbornly, until she spots one of her friends and yells out "Matoko!", bouncing over to her like some hyperactive bunny, and abandoning me to the growing silence of the halls.

Thank you precious friend of Risa's.

I thankfully vanish into the crowd, sweeping me towards my own class, but before I can step inside the classroom, a loud yell forces me to stop in the doorway, students jostling me.

"Satoshi-kun!"

Daisuke- of course it's Niwa, who else could call me that at this place and live- appears like a beacon, his red hair bright against the crowd of goths, preps and wallflowers. He grins at me, standing out almost painfully from the normal. Niwas never did know how to hide that they are special.

"What's up Satoshi-kun?" He asks, grinning sheepishly as he receives a few glares from people who try to manuver around us. I can tell it's taking a lot of his energy not to try to apologize to everyone.

"Riku said she told Risa to stalk you so I wondered how you were doing with her. Risa can be really persistant and she's worried about you Satoshi-kun. Is something wrong that I don't know about?" His eyes are concerned. Yes, Daisuke, your former crush believes that I may go jump off a bridge because I have no purpose. If that's wrong, then yes, something is very seriously wrong. But isn't it more disturbing that she has taken to stalking me to try and solve this crisis?

"And why is Harada stalking me?" I ask, feigning disinterest and trying not to continue the mental monologue. There's no reason to blame Daisuke for Risa, no, HARADA'S obsessive tendencies. Obsession... why is it all the people around me end up obsessed with me! I'm going to develop a complex before too long...

Daisuke just smiles at my question, that optimistic smile which switches between making me want to strangle him or just envy him for being that innocent. I'm never sure which. He speaks, sheepishly.

"Well... I think she thinks you need a friend besides just me. After... what happened, you know, she's worried about you. You have been really quiet lately Satoshi-kun."

I've always been quiet. I think you of all people know why.

"She just thinks you're lonely, I guess." He looks over at me, still planting seeds of worry in his bright red eyes. "_Are_ you doing okay Satoshi-kun...? Because you can always come and talk to me, or Risa, or even Riku if you are."

The bell rings, saving me from having to smirk, shake my head, and tell him I'm all right. Lying to Daisuke is a talent of mine but after Krad, it's one that has nearly died away. Daisuke's just too innocent and smiley half the time for me to lie to him, even when it's for his own good. When I do lie to him, it feels like I'm hitting Wiz with a sledgehammer, doing something undeniably cruel to something impossibly fangirlish. And there's the small fact that I'm sure if I told him that I go home to an empty apartment every day, never really go anywhere besides the day-to-day occurances, and never socialize outside of school, he'd probably panic and try to drag me to live in the Niwa house. I know he would because he offered once, right after everything was over; he told me that I could come live with the Niwas, be safe, away from my "father". The boy has no common sense. His mother would never allow it, or his grandfather.

Above everything else, I am a Hikari to them.

And Daisuke is a Niwa to me.

Having had my little epiphany, I step inside the classroom, heading to my desk to continue reading the book I have stashed away in there. It's not like I really need to learn any of this again, I've been through high school already. The usual, speak-to-me-and-die aura surrounds me, keeping all but the brave at a safe distance.

I sit down, fingers sneaking into the back of my desk for the hidden book. But an unnerving presence behind me forces me to halt, and turn, hand stuck in the confines of my desk, searching for the paperback.

Risa is beaming at me, far FAR too close for comfort.

"Hi Satoshi-kun!" She says brightly and I glare at her. Glare number 18 if anyone's keeping track; the "Glare of Public Humiliation". Why is she speaking to me? I want nothing to do with her!

"Ohayo gozaimasu Harada-san." I say coldly. The girl's lower lip sticks out ever-so-slightly but she bounces back, noticing my arm still back in the caverns of my desk.

"What are you looking for? " She asks curiously and I smirk.

"Curiosity killed the Harada. I don't ask about the romance novels you keep in the back of your desk do I?"

Her eyes widen to the point where I wonder how they aren't falling out and rolling on the floor.

"H-How did you know about that!"

I don't answer, a mysterious smirk my only response. She continues staring, then purses her lips, speaking as she would to some kind of pervert, eyes narrowed dangerously.

"You went through my desk didn't you."

"Of course not. I'd never touch your desk Harada." I say smoothly, returning my attention to searching for my paperback.

Finally my stretching fingers grasp a hold of the book, they make the drawers in these desks entirely too long and small, and I try to pull the book out. Unfortunately, at that moment someone moves in front of me, slamming their desk back as they plunk down into their seat, jarring my arm and therefore me, forward. Into my desk.

Ouch.

Fortunately no one has yet witnessed the fact that Satoshi Hiwatari has his arm up to the forearm in his desk drawer and is currently trying to yank himself back.

I'm stuck. Oh perfect. I can feel Harada's brown eyes boring into my back in shock.

"Ano, Hiwatari-kun? Are you okay?" She asks hesitantly and I smirk, not even making the attempt to turn and face her.

"Yes. I get my arm stuck in desks all the time. It's a new meditation technique." I say sarcastically and I hear her annoyed 'hmph!' in response. Of course, her next action is entirely unexpected.

"Don't make fun of me!" She yells, grabbing the back of my school uniform angrily, yanking me backwards. I suppose her intent was to get me 'unstuck', but she evidently doesn't know her own strength, and before I can catch myself, her yank has carried me out of my seat, shoving me onto the floor in a entirely ungraceful move. Harada stares at me in horror, black eyeliner framing her eyes.

"Ohmygosh! Satoshi-kun, are you okay!" She runs the words together, dropping next to me, worried, panicking even.

"Whoo!" Yells Takeshi from across the room. "Way to get a man Harada-san!"

"Shut up!" She yells back, turning back to me immediately after shutting up the masses. I'm already sitting up of course, nothing less is expected from me, and attempting to gracefully return to my seat.

"While I would normally kill you for that Harada, I suppose a 'thank you' is in order this time." I say deadly. It's my duty to be gracious... so I force myself to smile at her. She gives me a 'who-do-you-think-you're-kidding?' look in response.

"Couldn't have the great Satoshi Hiwatari being stuck in his desk all period could we?" She says, and I can't tell if she's being sarcastic or trying to make a joke out of it. I hesitate, then nod.

"Thank you Harada."

Just before the class begins, (the teacher has conveniently not made an appearance until this little incident was over) Harada leans forward and whispers in my ear, effectively disturbing the heck out of me;

"You could call me Risa you know. I won't call you Satoshi if you don't want me to, but you can call me Risa."

Oh help. She wants to pretend we're friends.

(divider)

_Get a load of me, get a load of you,_

_walking down the street and I hardly know you,_

_it's just like we were meant to be._

(divider)

I sit in the cafeteria, having found a empty table, away from the chatter of cheerleaders and the monosyllabic conversations of some of the stoners. I don't fit in with any of the other tables, literally and metaphorically.

Party of one, Hikari Satoshi.

But I'm not going to start an angst session, I'll just watch them. Her.

My horomones must have taken over my brain at some point between first period and now because the annoyance I felt is slowly melting away while I'm watching her. Not that I want it to, I know it will come back as soon as she actually SAYS anything.

I think she looks... cute.

Standing there in line, chattering animatedly to her friends, her hair brushes over her shoulder like a red waterfall. Wonderful Satoshi, compare her hair to something that looks like blood! That'll get you a LOT of friends, not to mention appointments with the school counselor.

I glare at her as she starts heading towards the empty table I'm sitting at, Glare 55, the Glare of Ultimate Indignation and Violation. I must have been half-asleep when I made that up because I'm almost positive none of my other Glare summaries rhyme...

She, of course, doesn't pay attention and sits down lightly next to me.

"Hi Hiwatari-kun." She greets, not as bright. I'm guessing she doesn't like lunch, from the way she's staring down in disgust at her tray. It's filled with some unidentifiable meat, potatoes that look like something you'd find in... I don't know exactly where, but I'm pretty sure the blueish-green color is not natural, and carrots that have seen better days. I think even Wiz would turn up it's nose at those things.

"Harada-san." I return the greeting, after evaluating the contents of her tray. She glances at my lunch and stares.

"That's all you're eating?" She demands in shock, staring at the pork pun and thermos where I keep the hated coffee. Why DO I drink that stuff... I nod in answer to her question.

"Yes, why?"

"Ah, that's not really healthy Hiwatari-kun..." She comments nervously and I eye her plate.

"Yes, and yours certainly looks nutritional and healthy." I mention sarcastically and Risa, no, HARADA-looks down at it doubtfully.

"Wanna trade?" She asks hopefully and I shake my head.

"I'm not THAT suicidal Harada-san."

"Eh?" She stares at me in worry. Darn! Why do the wrong things always slip out of my mouth? But surprisingly, she mock-glares at me sulkily.

"I TOLD you you could call me Risa."

"I don't wish to call you Risa."

"Aw, come on, you call Daisuke his first name!"

"Yes, and that is my own business."

It's escaped my notice beforehand that so many people are paying attention to us... the popular Risa Harada and the icy Satoshi Hikari are sitting together. Everyone's interested.

"Come on, just call me Risa." She conjols and I glare at her, number 39.

"No."

"Just once?" She's having far too much fun with this and I stand in annoyance. I'm tired of this. She, unfortunately, stands with me.

"... please?"

"Risa," I hiss in annoyance. "I'm going now. Goodbye." I stand, trashing the rest of my uneaten lunch, and stalk from the lunchroom.

(divider)

The next couple of classes are uneventful; most Risa-free, but I can hear the rumors spreading like the plague from lunch and people are beginning to look at me funny.

Why is she so STUBBORN? I never asked for her attention, or her questions, which are surprisingly beginning to haunt me.

Do I have a purpose in being here? I always said my purpose WAS to chase Dark and catch him. Well, I've failed AND he's gone. He's not going to return in my lifetime. Gone... along with Krad.

If just Dark was gone, I would have to stay for Krad.

But Krad is gone as well.

And I can't say I'm unhappy.

I have few friends, but Krad was never something I wanted. I never got so desperate as to want someone to see me at my worst, see me cry, laugh at my pain. I never wanted an enemy, no matter how lonely I got. But...

He depended on me, and... now he's gone. There is no one who depends on me anymore. I have no purpose to live. Suicide is for weaklings however, a precious waste of life. Even if I don't feel I have a purpose, I'm not going to take my life.

I just... can place what the empty hole inside me is now. I'm not needed.

The bell rings loudly, shrilling in my ears, and I leave the hallway, starting home, away from my musings.

I don't get too far before I meet a member of my fanclub.

Some people might think it's an interesting thing, having your own fanclub, but it's not.

It's girls with low-self esteem who have crushes on you and stutter when they speak to you, blushing amazing colors of red; or confident, headstrong girls who might kill you as soon as kiss you.

At least, that summarizes mine; and that of "Yuki Sohma", an anime character with a problem similar to mine.

Luckily this is one of the earlier type. I don't think I can deal with Umi, their type B leader, today. That girl once tried to lock me in a closet. It was terrifying actually.

"H-Hiwatari-san, u-um, I w-was w-wondering if I... couldaskyouaquestion?" The blushing girl stutters at the beginning of her sentance, then says in a rush. I shrug.

"If you want to."

"W-well, t-t-there's a lot of r-rumors going on about you and... Risa Harada. Are you two... i-i-involved?"

I have to fight hard to keep back a glare at the messanger. Rumors... how'd it get so mutilated anyway? We aren't together! Not even close you morons!

I start walking away, disappointed with the high school grapevine. They could at least make an attempt to keep it straight.

"You shouldn't listen to rumors. They're all wrong."

I can feel her staring after me pitifully with large, watery, eyes, and the hesitant voice follows me.

"But Hiwatari-san... we, as your fangirls, are just worried! If you're happy with her, then we'll just leave you alone. It's just... are you happy?"

I stop walking.

Her questions are like Risa's. They burrow deep and make me think, the empty space inside growing by leaps and bounds. I look back at her, my eyes narrow.

"Happiness is a thing I never learned to comprehend."

Before she can't protest, or say anything, I shoulder my bookbag and head off, the bell still ringing loudly in my ears, as well as the truth of my words.

I don't comprehend happiness...

But emptiness is something I was born knowing.

I'm so wrapped up in musing over this I never notice my stalker slip back into place.

(divider)

hee, it got angsty!

The next chapter is a Risa one, and since I was informed by eliza ( glomps her I love your reviews! They help me so much!) that Risa should be a bit more focused on herself, that will be in there too.

Until then waves and goes to bed

Now please review before you go!

Edit-GROANNNNNNNN- Eeeeeshhhh, I changed so much in this chapter! Tho, sooner or later, I have decided that I shall do something with Satoshi, Risa, and a carousel. Don't know where that's going to fit or anything, but it shall make it in here somehow... btw, I'm uploading the epilogue when I finish revamping. That way it can be REALLY AND TRUELY done.


	4. Chapter 4: Risa

Disclaimer: See the first chapter.

I wrote something weird at the beginning. It's a nightmare, not really based off of Satoshi, just something that entered my mind at a late hour and I put it in here.

EDIT: ...Fwhee! I got reviews! Happy DAY! And yes, I changed the HECK outta this chapter. I think it reads a lot better now... and there is a lovely carousel.

Oh, and in my weird beginning interlude thingy, the stuff in italics is real time, not nightmare.

Thanks go out to DarkAngelB, Lord Scribbles, TaKeMyPaInAwAy, gracie320, Princess Reiko, Mutou Yasu and everyone else for your reviews! I'm glad ya like the revamp. Oh, and Lord Scribbles, I can send you an email when I update this fic if you want. Lemme know if you want me to.

(divider)

(open dream interlude)

Nurse? Nurse, I have a problem.

Yes, what is it sir?

I'm... my heart... is numb. Do you have any pills for that? Is there any way I can feel something again?

Sir, I'm not sure I understan-

No, I really need pills. Something to fill the void. Do you have anything like that? Just so I can sleep without the empty place hurting at night.

Sir-

Please! Give me something! Prescribe me something!

You'll have to go to the-

Anything! I want to feel again! Let me feel again!

Sir, there's only one cure and I'm afraid that it's impossible for you. You see, what you need, you are incapable of.

What do I need! Please, I'll pay any price!

You need to be loved. But you cannot love, so I'm afraid there's no cure Satoshi Hikari. You are forever alone. No one can love you, and you cannot care for anyone or he will come out and separate you! You can never care! Learn to be lonely Satoshi! It's all you'll ever be!

_"NO! MOTHER! NOOO!"_

_"...no..."_

Please... won't somebody... love me again?

_-slides out of bed- _

_-stumbles to the door and throws it open, a blast of cold air from the empty large room brushing past-_

_-the door closes, another door opens-_

_- and slams shut-_

_-broken footsteps leave the apartment-_

(close dream interlude)

(divider)

He avoided me after the incident at lunch. And that would probably hurt... if I wasn't almost immune to what he does and says to me by now. Besides, I'm very persistent. I AM Dark-san's biggest fan, so I have to be. I admit, it isn't for the best reasons in the world that I'm following Satoshi around. Yes, I am worried about him a little, just like I should be... I mean, anyone normal would be, right? Him being so quiet and reclusive.

But another thing I'm hoping for is the notoriety; of being "the one" who got through to Satoshi Hiwatari. Through all those discouraging layers of iciness and apathy. And... if I got him to open up...

Riku'd pay attention to me again, a lot more. I'd be her equal again, not just the kid sister who is too young to even get herself a boyfriend and is going through an "goth phase" as I've heard our mother joke to her. Lately Riku's ignored me for Daisuke, but if I got Satoshi to like me, to open up to me, then she would see me as an equal again, like when we were younger and always competing.

I can't stand watching her anymore, being so happy with Daisuke, a blissful relationship that proves with every breath that SHE WON. She's beaten me in everything, her first kiss, even if it was stolen, boyfriend, she even got the new Hikaru Utada cd before I did!

I've never gotten the kind of love she has from the people I really want to cherish me... When I first asked out Dark-san, he asked if I meant "as friends". His first question, right off the bat.

No you moron!

No...

Isn't that what you need in a relationship, always want in one? To be loved? I wanted to be loved by Dark-san, like probably every other girl in the nation. But he thought that I only wanted to be friends.

Friends.

That cruel word I threw at Daisuke so many times before he confessed. I never realized how much it must have killed that beaming little redhead to hear me, raving happily about Dark-san over the phone to him, while he felt his heart falling to pieces. But now I know what it feels like, Dark-san not even wanting to try to love me...

I'm a fool, I realize as I lie here in the darkness, staring up at the cracks in the ceiling. The red glow of the clock at my side says "1:06", blithely unaware of my angst session.

Riku's snoring softly, drooling slightly and I'm getting annoyed and impatient. Why should she be able to sleep so easily when I can't? I've counted sheep, pigs, horses, little winged Dark-san's, and the cracks on the ceiling but I can't make my eyes stay shut.

I'm seriously considering the option of superglue when there is a noise where a moment ago there was silence. Of course, I shoot up straight in bed, looking around the room frantically, the steel baseball bat I keep under my bed already in my hands, raised above my head actually, in the direction of the noise.

I stare at the flashing blue lights in front of me and slowly lower the bat.

I could've just beaned the phone.

Two weeks ago, Riku, being obsessed with all things that are her namesake, downloaded a "Simple and Clean" phone ring from the Net (as a tribute to Riku of Kingdom Hearts of course). That would be the disturbingly high-pitched jargon that's playing at the top of it's little speakers from our nightstand.

WHO IN THE WORLD IS CALLING AT ONE IN THE MORNING!

I lean over to grab the phone, but my gracefulness at one in the morning isn't all it's cracked up to be, and I fall out of bed, my legs tangled up in the bed sheets. My elegant descent elicits a loud 'thump' and a groan from Riku. Heh, serves her right, sleeping through her own phone ring.

I reach up from my resting place on the floor, fumbling with the receiver and finally managing to get a grip on it, dragging it down to where I lie on the floor.

Probably a wrong number anyway.

There's nothing but heavy breathing, panting almost. Maybe it's a nightmare, and I'm not really aware I'm asleep, and I'm dreaming about having a stalker. Nah...

"Hello?" I half-whisper, practically making out with the phone in an attempt to remain quiet. "Is someone there?"

If this is a pervert, I'm going to kill him right through the phone line. I swear I will. I'll take the baseball bat and kill him right through the-

"Harada...?"

I almost drop the phone but catch it just in time, then have spare time to try and scrape my jaw off the floor.

Why is **_he_** calling me! Especially now?

"Hiwatari?"

In my shock, I've forgotten to add an honorific, but he doesn't correct me, seeming almost dazed. Maybe he fell out of bed again and whacked his head on something. Perhaps I should call the paramedics.

"Harada-san, why am I calling you?" He asks simply, as if he's asking why the sun rises, except Satoshi would never ask such an inane question. I'm beginning to wonder if this _IS_ some screwed up dream from eating that funny cheese before I went to bed.

"Well if YOU don't know, I really don't. Do you know what _time_ it is?" I question and he's silent for a moment. I can hear faint music playing. Hiwatari is kind of a strange guy to sleep with music on though... especially the music I'm hearing. Not his type of music at all.

"No... but it's dark... and cold..." His voice says softly, still confused; I can hear crickets in the background. Where IS he?

"Did you have a nightmare and leave your apartment? Where _are_ you?" I ask, because frankly, I'm beginning to have doubts that he's in his apartment. And if he's half-asleep, that's not a good thing.

"Yes..." He says, surprising me with an answer to the first question. "It, the nightmare, didn't make much sense, and I thought coming here would make it better."

"Satoshi, where ARE you?"

"I went to the carousel." He says quietly and I feel my eyes grow wide, blinking quickly in surprise.

The carousel...

The carousel is in the outskirts of town, a couple blocks from where Hiwatari lives. It was built a few years back, a Hikari work of art on a gigantic scale. The design is simple, the only "magic" being the fact that it eternally plays music, turning round and round. I've heard rumors that Satoshi made it, as a project for an art class; but those are just rumors, it could've been another Hikari.

It's too cold out there for him! The realization suddenly hits me over the head. It's nearing winter, and even if he's wearing his uniform, he could get really sick!

"Satoshi-kun, stay right there. I'm coming to get you." I say firmly and hear him catch his breath immediately.

"What!"

"Just stay there."

"Wait, Risa!"

I hang up the phone before he can finish his sentance, grabbing my jacket from the back of the chair it's been lounging on since I got home from school. Riku turns over, groaning.

"mnnnnnn-iisaaaa, where ya goinnggg?"

"Out. I have to help a friend. I'll be back." I'm already flying out the door, another jacket in my hand for Satoshi.

"Nn." She grunts and turns over. Thank you dear sister. Heh. I tiptoe out of the house, then break into a dead bolt as soon as I'm out on the streets, heading towards the carousel. Even before I get there, I can see his familiar blue head of hair, shining brightly in the moonlight.

"Satoshi!" I call, jogging up to a halt in front of him. Almost immediately, his eyes tip me off that he is completely and totally awake. Something else is wrong too, but I can't place what... He stares at me, first in surprise, then in an expression that is completely foreign to his face.

Embarrassment.

"Harada..." He says quietly, looking away.

"Risa." I correct automatically and the formerly hesitant gaze shoots over to glare at me. What a surprise. I hold out the jacket, smiling coyly.

"Come on you sleepwalker, a nightmare's not THAT much to get upset over..." Abruptly, I realize what's wrong. His eyes are shiny, unnaturally so. Red blotches are on his face so maybe he's been...

"Satoshi, have you been crying?"

"No!" He snarls immediately, glaring at me with icy blue eyes... that are still so bright. I stare at him calmly and he looks away again, eyebrows knitting together in an angry frown.

Oops. Touched a nerve there.

"I'm sorry I called you when you weren't needed-" He starts, tone very VERY controlled.

"But obviously I was!" I observe brightly. I don't know who elected me, but evidently it's my job to keep him annoyed. Heh. This is actually kinda fun... even if, he was hurting. That nightmare must've really been something.

"-Risa." He finishes the sentence, with a barely watered-down glare.

Huh?

He... he called me Risa! Voluntarily! YES! SCORE ONE FOR MEEEEEEE!

Satoshi still won't meet my eyes, but he takes the coat from me; pulling it about himself for warmth. And it's just dawned on me that... I grabbed a girl's coat. And it fits Satoshi like a glove.

I can't hold back my laughter and even when I get back to my house, after making sure Satoshi got home okay, I'm still shaking with giggles.

(divider)

When I wake up (late, and still quite exhausted) the next morning; Riku already has the radio blaring, the DJ yelling that the song is "My December" by Linkin Park as the music threatens to overwhelm him..

Headache... major headache... must kill Hiwatari...

"RIKU!" I holler groggily, sounding rather hung-over, above the normally-quiet-but-not-at-this-volume song, slide/thunk loudly out of bed, and twist the volume knob violently.

Solitude...

"I was listening to that!" Riku says immediately as her music moves down to a level out of ear-splitting range; I glare at her. I forgot to remove my black eyeliner last night, so I'm supposing I look rather menacing. Riku's face says so anyway.

"I'd like to SLEEP in PEACE Riku!" I growl, getting my point across but my oneechan appears to think it'd be in her best interest to blackmail me instead.

"Well, if you hadn't been OUT all night, maybe you wouldn't be so cranky!"

Grrrrr... I'm not going to put up with this! I hoist myself to my feet, and stumble off to the bathroom, uniform in hand.

"You're going to be late to pick up Hiwatari-kun!" Riku calls after me, always having to have the last word.

Shoot, Hiwatari! I forgot!

I fly through the shower, yank on my clothes, first backwards, then a hurried adjustment, skip breakfast, and make it to Hiwatari's door with my hair still wet! Heh, not bad if I do say so myself.

So what if I am after him because I'm lonely, or he's a "conquest", or even to ease my own guilt. I'll make sacrifices, and I'll be there for him, even if it means flying through the morning and missing my favorite meal of the day..

I look up at the apartment door, waiting for him to come and answer, half-expecting him to be groggy and disoriented. In a place like this... with no one to wake you up, or make breakfast on occasion, say "welcome home" when you get back from school...

I wonder how Satoshi does it.

Isn't he lonely?

He's still human... he HAS to be lonely without real parents, without friends besides Daisuke, without White Dark-san.

Without love.

But before my thoughts can get into the truely sappy and deep musings (as if they weren't already), the door is opened and my self-termed "project" looks out at me.

"Harada-san, why are you on my doorstep?" Satoshi asks icily, as if he doesn't even REMEMBER the previous day when I know that he does. I can see it in the way he keeps glancing around slyly, trying to make sure no one is watching. Trying to stay untouchable and perfect. He hasn't put on his glasses yet, and I'm contemplating his attractiveness without them on... there's nothing hiding him now, so I find him quite hot-

Gah! What am I thinking! Get a HOLD on yourself Risa! Bad girl!

"I'm here to pick you up! We're going to school right?" Forced cheerfulness always seems to work, smiling brightly even though I know he'll just get annoyed by it.

It's fun to torment him.

Alright, it's rather cruel fun to Satoshi, forcing him to walk me to school or endure the embarrassment of having a stalker. But it ensures that I can get closer to him; get past the outer shell that repels everyone but Daisuke.

Then again... Daisuke was also Dark-san, and Dark-san is Satoshi's enemy. So an enemy should be good at piercing defenses, abusing the maker... but Dark-san wouldn't do that! He may be Satoshi's enemy but he wouldn't hurt him...

My thoughts have officially become screwed up.

Satoshi just blinks at me. "Harada-san, I didn't ask you to come here."

"But I'm still here, aren't I? Don't you want me here?" I say smartly, my eyes getting "feminine", or at least that's what Riku calls it. Her terminology for my expressions is so annoying.

"No. I don't. But you can come." He mutters sullenly, and heads back inside. I follow him, like the little stalker I'm turning out to be. He vanishes into his bedroom, the same, empty-looking room he disappeared into the other day.

"Hiwatari?" I call in the general direction of the room as I wander over to look at the books scattered on the table, and get an annoyed "hm" from the closed bedroom.

"Why did you call me last night?" I continue, despite his less-than-captivated response. A bible, self-help books, anti-depression... very un-like-Satoshi books are all over the table. Maybe he's just keeping them for a friend- no, Daisuke wouldn't be reading these kind of books. So... I guess I don't know Satoshi like I thought I did if he's reading all these and I don't have a clue.

Next to the books lies a picture of Krad, wings flaring widely in surprise, his eyes wide and startled, like a deer caught in headlights. He must not have expected the camera to flash when the picture was taken. I pick up the picture, my eyes slipping over the long blonde hair, bright eyes, white wings...

I'll never forget Krad... he was amazing... violent, psychotic and multiple other things, but he was like a work of art... maybe he WAS a work of art, twisted by the minds of the poor Hikaris...

Satoshi sure is taking his time answering...

"That is not your question to ask." A calm voice comes from behind me and I nearly tear the picture in my shock. Fortunately, Satoshi plucks the photo out of my hands, tucking it into the back of one of the books before I can do anything.

"Satoshi!" I press a hand over my heart. "You trying to kill me! Be a little noisier!"

Satoshi looks at me like I'm crazy, a faint smirk tracing his face.

"I have to be quiet to catch you snooping into things which aren't your business Risa Harada."

"It's Risa! And it is too my question to ask!" I shoot back quickly, pleased with my recovery. Ha! Take that Satoshi!

"I'm sorry I disturbed your sleep." He says dutifully and turns to leave; bookbag already slung over his shoulder casually, yet perfectly, like Satoshi always is. I run to catch up, following him noisily down the clanging stairs.

"What happened exactly?" I press, not wanting to give this up. I know, he's a solitary person and all that, but to actually send him out into the cold of night...

"It was nothing Harada. Give it up." He replies, giving me a glare that says "Drop it. **Now**." I wonder if he has numbers for those... I'd find it hard keeping them all straight. I should ask him! But... later. Not now.

"Sa-Hiwatari-san, I'm just worried about you." I mutter, not really even trying to keep the faint offence out of my tone. He shouldn't be so terse. He opens the door to the street without responding to my statement, not even acknowledging he heard me. We keep walking, in silence. I don't want to restate what I just said, and he isn't exactly being TALKATIVE.

"It was..." He starts suddenly, and then thinks again, hesitating.

"The nightmare... it was partly out of my mind and partly remembered. My mother was in it."

He's... telling me? Without me even pressing the issue? I listen with rapt attention, despite worrying that I'm getting too involved. It's just his nightmare after all, not a marriage proposal!

"She told me that I wasn't allowed to care about anyone." Satoshi isn't looking at me, staring at the sky bitterly. "Because then _he _would come out and hurt them, to protect me. Krad never did understand human relations. But the Hikaris understood what he couldn't, or simply WOULDN'T, tolerate and raised their "prodigy" that way. They didn't let me care, and if I don't care about anyone... why should anyone care about me?"

He smirks.

"Risa you fool, why are you stalking me? You can't possibly care for someone who can't care for you. Don't you realize you'll just get abandoned?"

It's so unlike him... it hurts me to watch him. I want to smack him and hug him all at once!

"But... Hiwatari-kun, Krad-kun doesn't exist anymore... so you can care, if you choose to."

His step falters for a second and his flawless icy blue eyes flash back at me. The expression lurking in their depths is a new one, tinged with hope and real thanks.

Only a moment, before it vanishes again.

But it was there.

Does he… trust me?

(divider)

Edit: YAY! That was a LONG chapter for me. And, as is obvious, much played with. I like the new dream and talking about it though. It's not so random now!

You know, in hindsight, Risa and Satoshi's relationship is rather like Elizabeth and Darcy's in Pride and Prejudice! Nevermind the fact that I truely did not like that book, but still! It reminds me of them muchly...

Review! Yes, review again!


	5. Chapter 5: Satoshi

Disclaimer: I just love it. I don't own it, or them.

I LOVE REVIEWERS! (glomps you all kingdom come) Because I cut my hands trying to catch a bowl (which broke anyway) and I was depressed all weekend.

Now I feel better.

(loves you all some more)

And now, to Satoshi!

Edit: Whee! Thank you Tsuki, and anyone else who has reviewed by the time I post this chapter! You are all being very patient... even though you know how it turns out already... though I might change everything! WHO KNOWS!

(divider)

It's cold.

I don't merely mean the temperature. That's at a usual balmy 50 degrees inside this frigid school, and 35 degrees outside. We almost got a faint dusting of snow last night, while I was out on my... "walk".

Aside from that, the students here are acting strangely. More strange than usual that is. I find all people strange all the time, but today, they are strangely more strange then their usual strange.

I believe the lack of sleep has gone to my head if I'm creating sentences like _-that-_.

In any case, the boys are looking at me oddly, as if I've said something completely out of character for myself. There are the girls as well, aside from those who stare at me (which, I don't have to mention, I find VERY disturbing), the rest look like they're about to ask me something but they never do. Then there are those who snicker behind my back, whispering. Have I done something odd?

Usually such menial annoyances wouldn't even register in my notice, but due to my lack of sleep, I do. And wonder.

Has the world gone mad?

I obviously have, since I'm now prattling my nightmares to someone who used to be one of the biggest gossips in school. And apparently dragging her out in the dark of night to take me home.

If that doesn't constitute insanity, then we've many perfect sane people in asylums. I wish I was in an asylum right now. Everything would probably make more sense.

"Satoshi-kun!"

Oh yay, here comes my reality check now.

Daisuke comes barreling out of the crowd as if he's been shot by a cannon, beaming at me with happiness and... is that shy curiosity I see dancing across his face? I hope not... it can't bode well for me if it is. Because whenever Daisuke is blatantly curious, it means something big has happened.

"Did you and Risa really get together? Riku's over the moon about it, but what really happened at the carousel last night?"

WHAT?

HOW DOES HE KNOW?.

"Have you gone mad Niwa? No, I haven't "gotten together" with Risa. I don't plan to. Where did you get the idea that Risa and I were at the carousel? Did someone tell you that?"

Must NOT give any ideas. If I even let on that it's true... this could've been something he made up randomly for heaven's sake. Sometimes Daisuke's friends have some very strange notions of fun and send Daisuke to o their bidding, and thereby confuse people. It doesn't make sense.

But tell me who gave you this idea Daisuke, that I might get my hands around their neck...

Or at the very least do something which will prevent this person from even _thinking _about spreading a rumor like this again. More than likely, once I'm done with the latter, he'll be wishing I had just strangled him.

"Well... it's just that... word was going around that Risa-chan had walked with you, and you two had talked about something at the carousal after you wandered out there late last night, and I guess her friends kind of spread it around that you two had gotten together..."

WHAT! How dare she tell! She's... the only one who could know! There was no way anyone else could've seen us, then, at one in the morning. She's the only one who knows about me wandering out there in the dead of night. She had to have known that I didn't want it told, she had to have known that I wouldn't want to be venerable like this. Anyone would. She wouldn't just chatter away someone else's private (accidental) life... would she?

Evidently.

It was a mistake to tell her. One HECK of a mistake Satoshi Hiwatari. What was I thinking, how could I trust her! HER of all people! She's hardly worthy of contempt, much less trust, the bubble-headed doll. She couldn't possibly really care; she just sits there, smiling blissfully while I blab my life to her. She was probably planning how to retell it to her friends even while I was saying it to her. Satoshi you fool.

Daisuke looks sheepishly at me, having no idea of the havoc his words are wreaking on my brain. But it doesn't matter to me, there are stronger thoughts swirling violently around in my head. How could I think she'd keep a secret? Something as strange as that bizarre a nightmare, and practically sleepwalking to the carousel at the edge of town. On ANYONE it would be weird, but ME. Satoshi Hikari, the police Commander, Hikari prodigy, "icicle boy". It couldn't be kept silent. It practically has a mouth of its own.

"And then of course Saehara got wind of it..." Daisuke continues but I can hardly hear him over the raging of my own thoughts.

I want to... argh... scream at the top of my lungs. Run away. Go Krad.

All very unprofessional, un-Hikari-like things. Oh well.

"I have to get to class Daisuke." I murmur, interrupting the redhead's little monologue of how he and Riku think Risa and I should become closer. It would be all right if I was in a better mood but... not now.

Daisuke doesn't notice however; someone having run into him from behind as I tried to excuse myself, and now he sits on the floor, apologizing repeatedly to the person who knocked him down, who is in return, apologizing like mad for knocking into him.

Humans, as Krad would say, are WEIRD.

I pull Daisuke to his feet, and then he in turn offers a hand to the other person, picking up her books. Desperate to abandon this scene and get to class and try to talk to Harada; I use Glare #21, sending the clear message "Excuse me, if I don't do this now, heads will roll, but as a result of me doing this heads might roll, so don't try to stop me."

This is a complicated glare and should only be attempted by professionals.

Unfortunately, Daisuke isn't paying attention. Oh well. I take off down the still crowded hallway nevertheless.

Now, to find Risa. Heaven knows what I'm going to do once I find her. Committing hari kari would probably get my point across, but it'd make a mess. (Also, the screwed up society of our school would interpret it as a lover's suicide.) Returning to my mental state, there's only one phrase that really can say how... betrayed I feel. It's a sharp tinge in the base of my stomach, eating away at me, repeating "how could she? how _could_ she? Why did she? HOW COULD SHE?"

It surprises me that, well, this surprises me.

Wasn't I just waiting for her to betray me, after all?

I wonder if she told everyone that I cried.

Not thinking about that. If she did, I may as well go curl up and die now. It won't just be the student body; it'll be the shame of the Hikari clan. The prodigy, crying like a child at nothing but a nightmare!

Daisuke, exactly what is so perfect about this girl who spreads your personal life all around the school, when she wasn't even supposed to witness what went on! Risa would NEVER be the person I want to understand me. She's a doll to me. A bimbo, if I can use that cruel of a term. A ditz.

But for one stupid moment, forever cursed in my memory from now on, in a moment of half-awake insanity, I turned to her.

I called her in the middle of the night. She came out and gave me... a girl's jacket, and listened to my nightmare and me ranting the next morning when she came to 'pick me up'. I thought I could trust her; she's been cast out, or at least believes she has. I get the impression she feels alone and... I thought she would understand that I couldn't be her comfort.

Why did I believe she could be mine?

It's the first day of the rest of my life; I wonder if I know what an idiot I am?

(divider)

She's sitting in class now, giggling with one of her friends. She looks so happy, as I search for traces of smugness in her smile, pride even. It has to exist! I know she's pleased with herself...

The bell has just rung, so I walk over to her without the threat of the teacher yelling at everyone to get in their seats. I feel deadly calm, too calm for what I should be feeling. I'm concentrating on one foot in front of the other, as if I'm an android. It's a weird feeling, trying to be this cool. I feel as if I break the rhythm of my footsteps, the world is going to explode in a violent shattering of light.

Should I be worried that that thought doesn't disturb me?

"Harada."

Her eyes jolt up from her friend. She's probably surprised I didn't call her 'Risa' like she's taken a habit of demanding I do.

"Yes, Hiwatari-kun?"

I can feel fury rising at her false innocence, how flawless it is. She can even mock her own smile. Such an amazing actor, she should join the Drama team. Her hand creeps up subconsciously to tuck her hair behind her ear, primping, always primping for the kill.

"Hiwatari-san? You look like you just woke up from a nightmare... what's wrong?"

Her choice of words... such a simple idiot. Or a sadistic genius.

I'm shredding into a million pieces and they're all screaming "WHY!" My mind panics, searching for the right words and finally I come up with them. I'm deadly calm. Deadly. I can almost feel my nerves freezing over, blood slowing to a halt in my already icy veins.

"I hate you Risa Harada."

My hands tremble as I turn and stalk out of the room. I'll skip this class. I'll skip this school day. No one will care or notice. I just can't stay numb all day, knowing that the entire gossiping student body knows that I let Risa Harada get close to me. I trusted someone.

Maybe no one cares, but there's still my own knowledge. My own shame that my defenses were so easily infiltrated. By HER.

My feet lead me on, while I can only muse. Angst. Feel nothing... blackness envelops me as I enter the assembly hall. No one's in here, there's only the fuzzy green glowing 'Exit' signs above the doorways on the sides of the room. Safety in solitude. In blackness. Always.

It's safe to feel again.

Was this her intention? To get popularity by being close to me? Maybe she was waiting to ask me out, automatically becoming a part of my terrifying fanclub. Maybe I was an idiot for ever letting her walk home with me or walk with me to school.

Was I just asking for it? To have myself spread around the school like butter over bread?

I'm stretching thin, so back to the basics.

A Hikari does not have friends.

A Hikari has a hollow, empty existence.

A Hikari has one purpose and that is to protect our art.

One Hikari will work with Krad and when he is gone, there will be no purpose.

And as Risa would say, 'then you all die'. Of depression, I wonder? It's rather depressing not having a purpose. Or friends. And a hollow, empty existence. Oh yay.

I sit in that black auditorium until the bell rings for the last class of the day to end. My stomach growls around noon but I'm used to skipping lunch, and entering the cafeteria would practically beg for Risa, Riku or Daisuke to run over and demand what I meant.

Instead I listen to me laugh at myself; a hollow, empty, bitter sound.

I'm such... a disgrace. Not that I ever wanted to be anything more.

(divider)

(cries for what she just did to Satoshi) I'm sorry! I really didn't let them be happy long... but this will get better. This chapter seems to have gone too fast though... it's short, and a major twist happened... I'll update soon and make all reviewers happy! (grins)

So please review now, so I can update again!

Edit: Wow, I actually think it got clearer! I don't believe I changed that much though...


	6. Chapter 6: Risa

Disclaimer: See first chapter.

(divider)

What in the world did I do to HIM?

What right does he have to walk up to me and simply say, "I hate you"? He just walks up, looking Satoshi-I-have-no-emotion normal, and says, "Harada?"

Calm as can be. Unruffled. But I can tell... that something's wrong. Maybe it's in the fact that he didn't call me Risa, when he did last night. So I asked him if he was all right. Thinking of last night, I stupidly said he looked like he'd just woken up from a nightmare but there is NO EXCUSE for the words he said next.

"I hate you Risa Harada."

Maybe I should be flattered. I'm worthy of his hatred.

But if I'm so flattered, then why am I curled up on top of the toilet seat lid in the third stall of the girls' bathroom, trying to stop THINKING about it?

Did I do something to him? If so, what? What might even trip Satoshi off, when he doesn't care about anybody or anything? Especially anything -I- do! What did I do to earn his hatred? Did he just choose me at random, since I was trying to get closer to him? That moron...

Unfortunately, last period is about to end, and I have to make contact with him. No, not in a dirty way like it sounds, but I can't let him just get away with this! How dare he play with my emotino, how dare he hate me without explaining himself. He is beyond contempt.

And yet I'm going to try to talk to him. Usual, simpering, whining Risa. I can't even accept peoples' hatred of me without an explanation.

As I exit my refuge, Riku bounces up beside me out of nowhere, beaming at me. Symptom - 60-watt bulb impression again, diagnosis - daisuki-Daisuke high. I don't think I can stand happiness right now. In any way, shape or form, but especially not romantic happiness. Please no...

"Well? Did you and Satoshi hook up?" She asks, cute in her curiosity. Cute. Heh. I defy thee cuteness!

"Oh yeah, we're a regular couple. He hates me and" My mouth runs into a brick wall. I can hear the next words, think them out in my head but I can't get them out. My breath isn't cooperating either, hitching instead of breathing in for speech.

I'm getting that sensation. The sensation where I can feel tears gathering behind my eyes; stinging and making my face blotchy, but I do NOT want to cry right now! I didn't cry in the bathroom for the entire period while I was -alone-. I don't want to cry in front of my big sister and make her realize that Risa is just a little kid after all. I'll cry tonight. Just wait.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

Riku is just staring at me like a goldfish, her eyes bulging.

"WHAT! How can he hate you! What'd you ever do to him? That stupid stuck-up" She never finishes her sentence because at that moment, the object of her tirade appears. And I'm pretty sure she would march over there and chop his pretty head off if I asked her to.

But, I'm going in. As soon as I get my legs to cooperate and regain control of my face and mouth; I'll tromp over there and DEMAND to know what he thinks he's doing. Best case scenario: He glares at me and then walks coolly away. Worst case scenario: He asks why WOULDN'T he hate me and goes on to list every bad attribute he can think of that he's been taking notes on since I started hanging out (read: stalking) with him.

A glutton for punishment and/or verbal abuse, that's me.

"Hiwatari!" I say boldly, my voice taking on an (I think) rather menacing tone.

Satoshi doesn't speak, doesn't turn, doesn't flinch, doesn't even GLANCE at me.

It's like I don't exist.

"Why did you say you hated me?" I ask, a little less bravely but still enough to not be simpering. I'm standing right in front of him; it's a little hard to ignore me and the entire hall doesn't need to hear this debate. Satoshi's eyes are Alaska. Far far away and without any -flickering- of emotion. They glance to the direction he needs to go to get home and he starts walking, making me run after him if I want to keep talking to him. Which I do.

"Stop ignoring me!" I yell in annoyance. "What'd I ever do to you?"

Silence again. You jerk!

"Talk. To. Me!" I bolt ahead, grabbing one of his arms so it's impossible for him to walk away from me any more.

Finally. A response.

"Let go of my arm or I will hurt you, despite your gender." He says darkly, only looking down at his captive arm and not at my face.

"Tell me what I did to you and I'll let go." I barter, increasing my grip on his arm. He looks up at me (finally!) and simply glares.

"Goodbye." He yanks his arm out of my grasp and I feel my nails drag on his arm for a moment before it is out of my reach. He didn't answer me...

"No, NOT goodbye, what did I DO!" My voice sounds grating to my own ears and Satoshi glares at me as if it feels the same way to him. He turns, stalking away, his straight posture almost a mockery to me. Singing 'superiority' in every step.

And he hates me.

I don't understand.

(divider)

"Risa, you should go take a hot bath... or something!"

Riku's nearly out of her mind with worry for her manic-depressive little sister. I really don't blame her for her panicking though, since my sanity is in question and I'm behaving more then a little obsessed. I probably would be worried too, were the situation reversed. Then again, Daisuke wouldn't do this to her. It wouldn't even dance the can-can through his mind. He's too nice.

So it's up to me to care about all the morons in the world. Wait, what! Did I just compare Daisuke and Riku's relationship to mine and SATOSHI'S!

... argh, let it go Risa. Just let it go this time.

Riku keeps flitting between asking if she should go kill Satoshi for me or stay here and bring me anything I 'need'. She also has an unstoppable want to "help" me. But I really don't think anything can. I can think of a couple things to try however. One of them is chocolate.

The other is recreating the situation where I did something that got Satoshi to hate me, and redoing it so he doesn't hate me. But that's probably not going to happen anytime soon, or of its own accord.

I need Satoshi to explain what he's thinking. I need a way to make him speak to me again. I need a miraculous change of heart from him. Heh, and I'm asking this of the guy who has NO heart! Nice, Risa.

I want Dark.

I want Dark a LOT.

I want him to hug me and hold me and kiss me and tell me everything's going to be okay because the 'Commander' is just a jerk right? You have to put up with millions of those in life and don't worry because I'll go steal his precious artwork and hold you and fight for you and love you.

Yay for fangirl fantasies.

Dark would make everything better. I don't know how, but he would. I keep wanting to pick up the phone and call Emiko Niwa, asking her to put out a calling card for Dark to kidnap me. One hour with Dark. ONE FREAKIN' HOUR. Everything would be okay then. Dark would think of something ingenious, I'd tell him it was perfect, we'd kiss, I'd adore him and he'd adore me...

More boring drivel, but it makes me remember that I feel something for Dark-san. No one's told me that they hated me before so ...it gives me a kind of numbness. Even when it's coming from someone like Satoshi, who has probably told a million people he hates them; it still hurts. Who knows why.

"Risa, if you're done moping, could you at least help out in the kitchen?" My mom calls. I haven't told her about "I hate you" Satoshi, and I really don't plan to (in the interest of continued "moping"). So I stand slowly, tromp into the kitchen and am rewarded for my actions by having a wet rag tossed at me, thwacking me disgustingly in the face.

Riku, who was the thrower, grins deviously, trying to lighten the mood. My mood is not going to lighten however, since it's scraping the barrel of low right now. Just don't SAY anything and I'll be fine Riku.

"Come on mopey, you wash, I'll dry." I could probably trace sympathy in her smile if I was looking for it, but I'm not and I just trudge over to my place in front of the sink. I take one of the dirty dishes and plunge it into the water that swirls around my submerged hands. The work goes on in amazing, actual SILENCE for a few precious seconds before Riku begins her expected speech.

"Washing Dishes Is Theraputic", Taught By Riku Harada. One Night Only! Something You Just-Can't-Miss!

apart from my sarcastic mental monologing anyway:

"So... you liked Hiwatari-kun?" She asks, glancing over at me curiously as she carefully dries a plate.

_No_, my foolish immature sister, thinking you're so perfect with your boyfriend and activities and popularity; I did NOT "like Hiwatari-kun". Never! It barely flitted through my mind!In addition to that little, very important fact, it's very hard to like someone who now hates you. Ever tried it? No, you haven't because no one could be annoyed, or dislike YOU Riku.

"I don't know."

Is the only acceptable answer I can come up with that doesn't involve berating my poor innocent sister. It's not her fault she's better at sports, or has a boyfriend, or doesn't have self-esteem issues. It's not fair to blame her for everything. But still, she sighs dramatically at my benign response.

"Come on. Just tell me. I'm your sister. We're supposed to share everything aren't we?"

I'm not even paying attention anymore, staring out the window blankly and letting my mind wander. It's beginning to rain. The weatherman called for snow, but judging by the fact the thermometer reads 41'F, I don't think we're going to get it. Brr... but there is a cold brushing in. Hmm, a lot of sinks are in front of, or near, windows...

I wonder why that is. Do people like me just get bored washing dishes and want to look out the window? Is it a tv mentality? Look through the nearest screen? I guess I would look out the window while washing dishes out of boredom, heck, I am right now so it's kind of a self-fulfilling speculation.

I wonder if Satoshi has a window in his kitchen...

ACK!

My attention is abruptly brought back to the slippery ornamental bowl which is in my hand

no, WAS in my hand.

I jolt forward instinctively to try and save it. It slips through my fumbling fingers and promptly shatters on hitting the bottom of the sink, while still almost in my grasp. My hands leap downwards before I even think about it, trying to keep it from breaking more, and blood wells as the china neatly slices my fingers.

My eyes widen but I just stand there blinking quickly, in more shock than pain. I forgot those could even hurt... something so pretty as china can cut...

Riku's mouth opens like a baby bird's, predictably, and I hear a loud yell dimly through my freaking-out mind. She calls for the one member of our family who really knows how to deal with these kinds of things:

"DAD!"

Instantly my father is there, like a superhero to the rescue. He checks the cuts for splinters of china, assuring me all the while the water just got the blood flowing and it's not as bad as all that, finding bandaids (not the ones with Pikachu on them, I'll thank him for that later) and applying them, telling me everything's okay, everything's all right, don't worry honey...

I just stand there numbly, waiting for the little stabs of pain to fade. It's not so much pain as a sharp ache, a strong KNOWING of injury.

And while this distracts me, I still can't stop thinking about Satoshi.

This is what it felt like when he said he hated me.

I felt... not pain. But a sudden ache.

And I'm not even sure if I could call it simply 'losing a friend', even 'abandonment' sounds too far out there.

As if... a part of me had been ripped away.

(divider)

I've been excused from washing dishes for obvious reasons.

That, or my mom doesn't want me to break another dish. I'm thinking that it's probably that, since she really doesn't think my injury is -that- serious. Just a few cuts that bled freakily in the water. Riku has had a lot worse scrapes from sports, so no big deal.

Now I'm lying on my bed in utter blankness, staring at the ceiling like a zombie and thinking Dark-centric thoughts. They're making me happy, or as happy as I can be while I'm dealing with throbbing fingers, the urge to whine about them (and the urge to bawl) and Satoshi's "I hate you" comment.

Oh yeah, I'm just so relaaaaxed.

Deep purple eyes that pierce into my soul, and can speak to it or dimiss it with a laugh. Dark Dark Dark-saaaan... I miss you!

Long black hair that dances over his masculine shoulders. He is SO not girly! NEVER will my Dark-san be girly. Ever. Not like Satoshi and his... ewww... little crossdressing excursion when we got stuck in that well. He wasn't wearing glasses that night though... no! Changing subject!

Feathery white wings. No, black wings! What am I thinking of? White wings are the enemy.

A smirking mouth that speaks my name as if it was born on his lips.

_'I hate you Risa Harada.'_

ARGHHHHHH! I curl up into a ball, fitting back the fuming anger that swells in my stomach. What did I ever do to Satoshi? Why can't I be numb to that stupid jerk?

Why can't feeling pass right through me like it does him so I don't even have to CARE that he hates me!

Before I can dwell on this most interesting subject further, light enters my room. The shunned light that means it's really time I should talk about this with someone. Drat.

Her. Riku. Of course. My sister, true love of Daisuke and Dark-san...

All right Risa, that wraps up our time for today. This angst session is closed now. I think we've made a lot of progress. That is, if you want to spiral FURTHER into the pit of despair.

"Hey... Risa..." Riku says... shyly. An emotion I didn't believe was really an option. Am I truly so terrifying? As my mother once told me "You're unpredictable". Maybe that's it.

In any case, I look at her quietly, her standing mutely in the doorway of our bedroom, bathed by light from the hall, a faintly apprehensive look (that Daisuke told me he ADORES) firmly stamped on her face.

"Are you really... okay?" She asks and I have to search my drifting mind for an answer, throwing clutters of useless thoughts aside like paper.

"Ah..."

I imagine this must be how it is for Satoshi, locking things away in your mnd, trying not to let anyone know what you feel.

But I'm not Satoshi! So I'm not delving into his mind to try and figure out what he must feel like. He can get his OWN psychiatrist for that.

Saying these words though, really shows the difference between me and him. He'd never admit this...

"No Riku... I really don't think I am."

(divider)

I fell asleep with Riku after crying my eyes out pitifully. I think I feel better. And if I don't, there's plenty more where that came from. I know I'm a crybaby, but as long as no one but Risa knows about it, I'm okay.

Unfortunately, now I'm wide awake at three in the morning and there is no shortage of thoughts flying around my head.

Satoshi... didn't sound like himself when he called. Yes, since it's late and I'm all cried out, I can think about him. He was probably still half-asleep, but you have to admit sleep-telephoning isn't the most common thing in the world. And why MY number of all the numbers he probably has? Does he keep all the telephone numbers in his head or something, or look it up in his little black book (that I'm sure he has)? Why ME then!

I was the only person really trying to be his friend besides Daisuke... is that it? Did he just...

No, it's ridiculous to even think he 'just needed someone'.

Satoshi is a close-mouthed, blue-haired, glaring, stuck-up, psychotic, white-winged icicle. How could _he_, of all people, need someone?

I wish I could be Dark... just to get inside Satoshi's head, get all his attention on ME for a moment, and find out what made him hate me. Even simply, what keeps him going when he's all alone...

Wait a minute... Dark... the Commander...

I can!

I can be Dark for a night!

Because all I need... is a calling card!

I can picture what a contradiction my face looks like, tear-stained and puffy as I frantically fumble for the phone, beaming. Until reality, that foul cruel lightning bolt, hits me.

Somehow, now this is just a guess, Emiko Niwa MIGHT NOT be up at 3:01 am. I gently replace the phone in it's cradle, still smiling to myself. I can learn what I did to make Satoshi hate me, apologize for it properly and get him to talk to me again, as Risa, not as the Dark I'll be masquarading (sp?) as. And if he realizes it's me...

Well...?

I'll burn that bridge when I come to it.

(divider)

Please review!

Edit: Okay, no MAJOR plot alterations in this one either. But I think it reads a bit cleaner... -dances- Thank you so much for your reviews!


	7. Chapter 7: Satoshi

Disclaimer: See first chapter.

Sorry this one's a little slower. School's a pain in the rear and we have to do all these imbecilic things for Driver's Ed... (sweatdrops) Anyway! Thanks for all your reviews (I love them! Thank you!) and on with the fic!

Edit: Ah... I remember Driver's Ed days... they were annoying. hee. I hope to change more in a later chapter, since I can't abuse the storyline much at this point. Especially the 'confrontation' chapter, I can't wait to play with that... thank you's to everyone who has re-reviewed and reviewed for the first time!

(divider)

When my eyes snap open, I am of an instant awareness that I'm late.

For school. Its not as if I haven't been through it before, but it's beneficial to make a good impression. Prove to the surviving Hikari clan members that I'm not dead yet? Who knows.

I slip out of bed and tug on my uniform quickly. It doesn't much matter though. The curse of low-blood pressure will keep my mind asleep and sluggish for another half-hour. I will be useless in school.

Even though I'm out of it (so EVERYTHING is screwed up), I still feel like there's something missing from the morning. More than usual even...

Someone...?

No. Bad Satoshi, no thinking about Risa. Off-limits, a menace, a curse even. Just... turn off that switch in your mind right now and forget her.

I thunk my head forward onto the table, a very un-like me move but I don't care. The only thing it really earns me is a slight pain, not a loss of all memory of Risa. Not that I expected it would.

Even if I can't FORGET her, I certainly don't miss that back-stabbing, sugar-high, emotion-oblivious, pain in the...

I hate you Risa Harada.

You told everyone that Satoshi Hikari was insane, that we were going out, that I was depressed... I don't know what you told them! I don't know... and I'm confused...

The doorbell interrupts my confusion and I sit up slowly, musing involuntarilyas I do. All the 'what if's in my mind chaseeach other around like dumb animals in my mind.Maybe... it's her? Perhaps I can...

Satoshi, what kind of idiot are you! This isn't Daisuke you know, YOU didn't do anything wrong this time!

I open the door while keeping the chain on so it thwacks taunt while I glare at the messenger darkly. (Number 56 if you're keeping track. "Glare of the peeved and half-asleep") The delivery man trembles slightly but admirably continues with his mission. Nice to know the mail service has standards in their employees.

"Hikari, Satoshi?" He asks hesitantly, peering back at my face inside the darkened apartment like I'm some kind of vampire. Upon confirming his suspicions, he holds out a clipboard. I shut the door again, sliding back the chain, and open it again, fumbling the clipboard. I glance down the list cluelessly. Curse my low-blood pressure, I can't recall if I'm suppose to date it, or time it, or write down who it's from... what do I do with it again?

I suppose I could steal it and start stalking people on it.

Oh yes, I am completely out of it...

The man is staring at me oddly. Deal with it. I'm half-asleep and it's not my fault, so go stare at some other tired sod!

"You're... supposed to sign it Hikari-kun." He says hesitantly. I nod impatiently, as if I knew this all along, which I DID, I was just testing him... and sign my name. He snatches it back as if it's on fire, shoves the nearly-forgotten package into my hands and hurries off down the hall, not even bothering for a glance back at me. I don't blame him.

The smirk can't help but slip across my face as I head back into my apartment.

Satoshi Hikari, terror of delivery men, hunter of purple-haired thieves, strikes again!

Heh. The foolish mortals shall fear me.

The package clunks onto the table (menacingly) and I hear a faint "snick" from inside the cardboard box's walls.

Perhaps I should call a bomb squad? That would be quite entertaining, especially for this hour of the morning.

I glance at the return address and it's really no surprise that it comes from the Niwa household. Somehow I doubt Daisuke would send me an explosive however, the thought of Niwa, carefully packing a bomb into the package with the help of his over-eager mother, almost makes me smile.

Almost.

But thoughts of Niwa lead to Riku.

And Riku to Risa.

And back to pain again. That little... not thinking about her, not thinking about her! La la la la la, I can't hear youuu!

Heh, mental 'ignoring' like that was one of the first things Krad unoffically banned when he appeared. They drove him absolutely mad. So of course I did them all the more... then suddenly I stopped.

...ah. Because Niwa showed up. Irritating Krad more then necessary wasn't a good idea anymore.

I get to work trying to open the box.

(divider)

Fifteen minutes and two knives later, all the tape is off. If I didn't know better, I would swear this was done by a female. They tend to put more tape on packages then boys.

But enough with the packing, because what's inside is what steals my interest.

I still don't understand how it's even possible.

Is this Emiko Niwa's idea of a joke? Did she just go to her son and say, 'Hey Daisuke, remember that teen that stalked Dark? Let's really confuse, and possibly send him into cardiac arrest today! It'll be so much fun!'

It's a calling card.

In Dark's hand, the flowery, sharp gothic style that he's so addicted to that it's even possible to tell when he's speaking instead of Daisuke. I'll never understand that...

But the calling card's message is infinitely clear.

**"Dark Mousy will kidnap Satoshi Hikari at the top of the Cathedral at 12:00 sharp tonight."**

He couldn't have issued a more direct command if he had tacked on that useless (and irritating) slogan our school uses: "Be there or be square". But how can he even exist! There's no way for the seal to break, not yet...

More importantly, if Dark returns, will Krad return? The memory of that voice, back in my head...

It's enough to make me want Dark gone again, just leave me to my void. There isn't any Krad to torment me here.

There's no use debating this any longer. I'm late for school, and I already know what I'm doing for the calling card.

I know I'll be there.

Because who can really just reject their purpose when it returns? Willingly return to the emptiness that is their life? Maybe I could find another purpose... but that would require emotion, something I am severely lacking in. And my only other purpose has driven me away, and I've made it impossible for her to return.

But if Dark is my purpose, I don't want to be left alone again.

I head off for school , putting thoughts of everything but paperwork out of my head.

Or rather, try to, and fail miserably.

No one knows that Dark has returned. Harada, that ranting fangirl, doesn't even know. Like the Hikaris, it's a secret.

It's a secret.

One that can almost make me forget.

(divider)

"Hiwatari-kun. Hiwatari-kun?"

I snap to attention, though invisibly since I always look like I'm paying attention. The teacher is calling my name repeatedly, a rarity for me.

"Yes?"

"Can you answer this question in English?" The teacher asks and begins to speak the question, but the girl aside from me raises her hand, her blush as deep as a seven-year-old's on Valentine's Day. Since when did my metaphors get so sappy? Perhaps I should seek therapy for this disturbing new development in my psyche. Or not. My last shrink, appointed to me by my 'father', was carted off to a nut house. Maybe it had something to do with my cross-examination of his methods...

"Sensei... can I ask the question?" The girl asks, a little TOO eagerly for my comfort. The idle wish that I'd been paying attention grows. What is the

"Hai." The teacher responds and the girl turns to me, looking like a horse examining a carrot. This is quite eerie, to put it simply.

"-Will... you go out with... me, Mr Hiwatari?-"

"-No, Ms. Mori, I will not.-" I reply smoothly in english. So -that- was why she wanted to ask the question. More then likely -not- because she wanted to get shot down in front of the entire class though. Not that I care.

Her face crumples immediately. Oh, not today. I can't take one of _them_ today. Not one of those girls that's like a mood ring and changes emotions every other moment, then promptly blames it on me. (1) Should I be in love with every girl in this school! Heh, but if I was, they would hate me because I'd be like "everyone else". They both go for and deny what they want. Fools.

"Mori-san?" The teacher asks in concern and the girl runs out of the classroom, starting to bawl loudly as she reaches the doorway. I'll never understand females. They possess skills uncomprehensible by myself.

"Hiwatari-san." The teacher looks over at me, a million words in that firm gaze. Unfortunately, the message in that stare is screaming, 'you made this mess, will you go find her already and patch things up?'

Sigh.

I have no other option (except maybe pretending to ignore the gaze and get TOLD to go find her).

I stride (striding is a forgotten art, it is a graceful, rocking motion and very few can accomplish it convincingly.) down the hall, looking for the little bawling calfer, weeping maiden.

Of whom there is no sign. Plenty of teardrops leading towards the girls' bathroom however, and I am -not- headed in there for any pathetic basketcase of a female.

"Yukimura-kun! No! Get away!"

"Is it so much to ask for? A kiss? A date? I don't want anything more then that Harada-san..."

The name alone makes me stop dead in my tracks o wait alongside the girls' bathroom.

Harada.

There's no help for it... even if I hate her, even if she asked for this to happen, I'm not going to just... listen.

I move towards the sound of the scuffle mutely. It's funny, I never noticed the corner of my vision is hazed by red. "Yukimura" turns to stare at me as I come up behind him. I could've taken him down from behind without him ever noticing I was there, but I prefer it this way. This is a perverted high-schooler, not a ninja, and should be treated as such.

"Hey, this isn't your problem!" He protests angrily, brandishing a fist bravely (and pathetically).

I deck him.

It has been far, far, FAR too long since I decked anyone.

I can't deck Daisuke (are you kidding? I might kill him!)

or Krad (yesss Satoshi, deck your alter ego. Then we'll take you off to the place with the jackets that let you give yourself a hug.)

or Dark (it's a bit physically impossible. Decking people with wings is not easy.)

So, I decked Yukimura.

And to put it bluntly, it felt good.

Until my eyes fell on the scared maiden I had rescued.

"H-Hiwatari-kun?" She stutters, blushing darkly and brushing off her skirt, letting her bangs hang low over her face to hide a shamed blush.

"T-thanks..."

Has anyone ever calculated exactly how alike Riku and Risa's voices can sound?

Probably not, but I can honestly say that she fooled me.

It's RIKU who stands here before me, fidgeting and playing with her pleated skirt, waiting for me to say something so she can get back to class, away from me. The creepy boy.

I'm shocked she's not attacking me, after I assume Risa, no, HARADA-SAN, just Harada-san now... has told her everything about my statement. Has she no sense of sibling defense? Maybe it just slipped her mind, in the way that important things do. I'm not about to ask.

Aside from that, my mind is still stalling on the idea that her sister wasn't here, wasn't her, was never in any danger, yet I jumped at the idea that she was. Satoshi you... you puppy!

Riku shifts, her short hair pulled back by a headband. She offers a faint smile to me, still surprising me that she's not angry..

"Thanks, I-I don't know why that-that PERVERT was acting like that!" Her word stutter with hatred and she glares at the whimpering Yukimura measuring his length on the tile floor with venom in her gaze.

I'd hate to be on the receiving end of the glare, even if in her mind, I should deserve it.

"Oh!" She turns back to me, having turned to head off towards her class.

"Are you going to the Cathedral tonight Hiwatari-kun?"

Eh?

Even if she is Daisuke's girlfriend, how much does he TELL her? Does she know that Dark has returned? That he issued the calling card?

How much has Risa told her for that matter... about Dark, and the Hikari's foolish 'purpose', and...

who knows what she may have said.

But how can Riku know something so...

I'm tempted to say private, but it isn't. I don't even know what I'm expecting from Dark.

It abruptly comes to my attention that I've been staring at her stupidly for almost 30 seconds. A curse on my absentminded musing!

"Never mind, I'll see you!" She rushes the sentence together in a jumble taking off down the hall.

I miss my sanity.

(divider)

(1) Reliant K "Mood Ring" anyone?

REVIEW!

Edit: Wow, that went fast. Are my chapters getting shorter or something? I feel like I should put in an interlude or something... Wahhhhh! I renamed 'Koji' Yukimura, and now my mind has run off with the idea of Yukimura from Samurai Deeper Kyo being decked by Satoshi... disturbing to say the least... :dances and thinks about Sarutobi Sasuke: Mwahahaha!


	8. Chapter 8: Risa

Disclaimer: SEE FIRST CHAPTER ALREADY!

un... I'm getting lazy... sorry... I started a Kingdom Hearts fic and a Final Fantasy Unlimited fic. Those have been taking my time... but they're fun to write... zzzz... I love reviewers... reviewers are nice, lovely people who boost my ego and make me feel this is worth writing. /grins/goes back to sleep/

(couple days later) okay... after typing that weird little segment, I'll actually start the chapter!

Edit: Egh, now I'm sick again, and am driving home from Seattle area. mnnn... dun feel goooood...

(divider)

Excerpt from Satoshi's notebook:

'Sometimes I think I need a alibi for my life.

"Sorry, I can't make it. I'm not."

I'm just not.

Not there, not existing...

Of course, I'm not allowed to not exist. Where wouild he go then? Krad would be without a Hikari, without the last, without the prodigy.

If he was listening to my thoughts right now, he'd yell at me for all this "pointless rambling".

But he doesn't.

Can't.

Because he's gone himself, isn't he? He has what I need, to be 'not'

I miss being forced to live.'

end excerpt-

(divider)

If he doesn't come, I'm going to go insane.

I'm already convinced that simply doing this in itself is insane, out of character for me to take such a risk, and it's just stupid. My fingers tug at my own long black lacy sleeves that hang over my wrists beneath the desk. I'm going to start counting seconds here in a minute if my thoughts don't SHUT UP.

A pencil point jabs the back of my strained neck suddenly and I jump automatically.

"RIKU!" The word jumps unbidden out of my mouth.

"Oh, so jumpy sister." She says coyly, coming around to the side of my desk with a big grin. "Thinking about something?"

"Wouldn't you be jumpy if you had to--" I lower my voice dramatically, looking around blushing. I don't want anyone to notice... especially someone that might tell Hiwatari. He isn't here yet... and that's odd.

"-you know..." I finish lamely. Riku just grins like a cheshire cat.

"What, impersonate a known thief for Daisuke? He'd have figured me out already!" She says loudly. Stupid sister...

"Shut up!"

"Oh, speaking of idiots, Yukimura-kun tried to kiss me in the hall!" She says, abruptly changing subjects to herself. Her usually pretty face twists in disgust and she kneads her skirt in her hands. "He actually dragged me out of class and tried to KISS ME! It was so gross..."

I wince in sympathy, glad to think of something other than my approaching 'visiting' time. We're only in third period, I'll have plenty of time to worry later.

"That must have been disgusting." Ooh, helpful Risa. Verrrry helpful.

Riku nods, sticking out her tongue and pulling out a Dorito from a mysteriously appearing bag of the chips on her desk. I'll never understand how she can have a steady supply of junk food EVERYWHERE SHE GOES. It defies all logic. Maybe Daisuke just leaves her little presents or something...

"But _SOMEONE_ showed up and I was saved from the evil!" She crows triumphantly, distracting me from her never-ending food supply. My head tilts to the side involuntarily, a habit people tell me makes me look like a puppy.

"Aww, does Daisuke have competition?" I question, smirking. The way she says it, it's almost like she has a tiny crush on whoever it--

"No, if anything it would be competition for you since it was Hiwatari-kun."

The earth shatters.

The skies darken.

A typhoon rips through the school (which might not be that weird considering how the wind is blowing).

And all I can do is blink.

"H-Hiwatari-kun saved you?" I finally manage to stutter, like a BLITHERING IDIOT, futsing (AN: Pronounced fuht-zing) with my skirt and trying not to scream.

She nods casually, flipping open her textbook to glance through the pages. She really doesn't care that much that it was Hiwatari. It could've been Takeshi and she wouldn't have minded. Not a bit. When I'm starving to know just what Hiwatari thinks of ME; he goes and rescues her from some jerk in the hall!

That-- that-- while I appreciate what he did for her... gah, SATOSHI HIKARI YOU MORON!

One has to relate a gentleman's tales of glory however, so Riku continues in her enamoured description of Satoshi eagerly, painting a clear picture of Satoshi as a dashing, gallant hero and Yukimura as a horrible, perverted dark lord.

Oh, I really do NOT need this right now. Not when her 'hero' hates me. Shut up please oneechan.

"He was amazing! I know you're at odds right now but... he's so serious! After he decked Yukimura, he looked actually flustered to have to deal with a girl. It was kinda cute really... Oh! I'm so sorry imotou, I asked him if he was coming tonight, I'm sorry! I really didn't mean to! I don't think he's caught on to what's going on though."

Argh, she called me imoto! I hate being reminded that I'm the _little_ sister. Especially when she's raving about Satoshi and how _she_ was saved by him. I'm sure she doesn't mean to gloat, and I'm NOT jealous! It's just that -I- was the one who was close to him and... she got him. Not that I want him. Of course I don't.

And yet... it's not like him to save someone. He's so cold and icy to everyone, even to Daisuke sometimes. Did he... I really don't want to think about this.

But it needs to be thought.

Does he like her?

Is that why he let me be near him for a few days? I reminded him of her, or I could help him get close to her? If we had gotten even closer, would he have started trying to stay around her, or asked me to cut my hair? And how far... would I have gone to stay with--

NO. Not thinking of that. Concentrate on seeing him tonight. Without Riku. Concentrate on what you'll say, so you'll be okay when the moment comes.

What do I care what I say to him, anyway?

Satoshi can like who he wants. It's his choice what he feels, I'm not about to control that.. I don't even care if he--

... hates me.

Well... maybe a little...

At the concerned staring of my sister, I abruptly remember that she was worried about me being mad at her for letting slip something about tonight to Satoshi.

"Maa, are you mad at me? I really don't think he picked up on anything! I didn't even make a blip on his radar screen." Having finished her disclaimer, she begins waving a hand in front of my face annoyingly.

"Cut. It. Out."

"And she's back at ground zero! Should I ask where you were?" My siser asks cheerfully, glad that I'm speaking to her now. But all this talk has put me in a bad mood.

"Nothing." I growl grumpily, and Riku sighs dramatically, going back to the sports novel hidden in her desk.

Satoshi WILL come tonight. He couldn't stay away, could he? Not with Dark returning again. He -can't- ignore this.

I wonder if it'll hurt him... when he realizes it's not Dark, just me. No! He'll be irritated, but he'll have no choice but to talk with me like a normal human being, and I won't think about him again. I won't have to think about blue hair, or boys with glasses (I hate boys with glasses anyway!), or wings except when I'm fantasizing about Dark-san.

The stupid jerk can go fall in love with my sister for all I care. But I -don't- care.

I'm giving myself a headache.

I'll just learn why he hates me, and then everything will be normal again and I can return to my non-existant life as 'Risa the friendly goth girl'. Well, maybe "black-clad girl" is a better term, but it doesn't have such a nice ring to it. And in consistancy with my mood, I match the 'goth' profile.

Oh never mind.

"You sure you still want to do this?" Riku asks suddenly, glancing up from her book at my silence. I shrug as casually as I can manage.

"Of course. It's just Hiwatari-kun after all. It's not like anything's going to go wrong."

She buys it and returns to her book.

Yeah.

Nothing's going to grow wrong.

...I hope.

(divider)

Hours pass... (AN: Diddley diddley dee...)

(divider)

That was the longest school day of my life.

And I've endured some LONG ones.

Satoshi's gaze did NOT, not ONCE, even make any sort of hint of glancing at me. He must have been staring at the teacher with a vengence because I sit right behind him! When he even MOVES, he must see me out of the corner of his eye. The jerk.

I thought he might cave when I dropped my pencil (yes, on ACCIDENT ) and it rolled ahead in the aisles near to him. But he didn't bat an eye. Not once.

Determination to IGNORE much?

Don't istake this for me caring that he's ignoring me. I've taken peole ignoring me before and I can definitely put up with this. It's not like Satoshi, no, I need to start calling him Hiwatari-kun mentally again, was ever the most social person anyway.

He's always smirking at some poor person, always superior to someone. He's so arrogant! I mean really, he's a pain in the neck.

Shrieking, the bell rings loudly through the school and it's all I can do not to leap out of my desk and fly to the door. I practically do so anyway, leaving the rest of the student body to trail after me like ants.

As I'm rushing home, I spot the creepy one. I swear, Dark was so right in nicknaming him 'creepy boy'. Sa-Hiwatari-kun walks silently on the other side of the street, looking for all the world like a ghost. When he walks alone, he looks empty. As opposed to... when I walked with him I guess. He looked alive then, perhaps a bit annoyed that I was with him, but more alive. More _there_ than he seems to be right now

But why should I worry about him? I'm not even worried! How, and WHY, would I be!

It's just Hiwatari-kun.

Mentally slapping myself, I continue in my trek home, not letting even one more thought of Hiwatari-kun enter my mind.

He likes Riku, so I'll leave him to her.

I turn up my Walkman till I can't hear myself think over the music. Which happens to be "Boulevard of broken dreams". Sickly, sickly appropriate.

It's a good kind of static though, when you can't hear yourself think.

It even drowns out the thoughts that you don't want to think that sneak into your mind anyway.

Like how empty Satoshi looks as he turns off onto the street leading to his apartment, one small blue-haired figure in the center of a giant rain-streaked street, hair snatched at by the wind.

Alone.

(divider)

Blessedly, it's mute when I get home, pull the key from under the mat, and open the door. Riku's got soccer practice today, so her return will probably not be for a couple hours. and Mom and Dad work until five, but Dad might be late.

Leaving me with a couple empty hours.

I trudge upstairs, cranking the stereo up loud enough so I can hear it everywhere in the house. I love music. It's more a part of me then anyone gives it credit for. Someday, I want to create all the melodies that flow out of the speakers. I guess that means I want to compose, but who would really want to listen to the notes of a black-clad, Dark-obsessed fangirl?

Heh, they'd probably hate me too.

No! I must salvage my self-esteem and convince myself that they would like me, whoever 'they' may be.

Besides, I need to get ready for tonight.

The long-sleeved turtleneck with floppy wrists is hanging in my closet, shoved back behind the other clothes for added 'secrecy'. Slim black pants reside just behind them, left on their hanger since I receieved them almost a year ago. Here's to hoping they still fit.

As for the wings issue, which demands to be addressed; Daisuke won't give up Wiz to use in tonight's 'theft'. That's a pity, but Satoshi knows Dark doesn't always need his wings.

And despite all these perfectly planned things, I'm still worried.

What if he doesn't hate me for something I did, he just hates who I am?

For my looks, no, not Satoshi... my personality then? I know I can be offensive and an airhead, but I don't usually care since no one comments. Is that what's driving him away?

He'd have to tell me that to my face.

Can I take hearing that from Hiwatari-kun? I can already hear his voice echoing in my ears, hateful words slipping into it like a glove. I don't want to hear this, don't want to even THINK this. It -must- be something I did.

It can't be me.

Silently, I stay upstairs until the door slams like an earthquake downstairs, then Riku's hollering to turn the music down for gosh sake Risa, what do you think we live in, America! --thus proving that my mom is back with Riku, which means they probably went out to dinner. Without me... well, that hurts but only a little because they always bring leftovers for me. I bounce downstairs, big smile firmly stamped on my face.

Because that's what everyone expects and wants to see, isn't it?.

(divider)

Hours pass... (AN: Dum diddley dee)

(divider)

Run.

Breathe.

Run.

Breathe.

Run... okay, pause, tremble like a little tired kid, and attempt to just WALK. My legs feel like I've been lifting a million weights on my calves, and I think if I run more step in this dark, I'm going to fall and snap my ankle in two or something.

Yeah. And how would I meet Sato--Hiwatari-kun then?

'Yeah, hi, I'm Dark... ignore my broken foot. That's what the wings are for!'

Ridiculous, as the "commander" would say.

Break's over, time to...

Run, run, run, run.

Again.

Three minutes to D-time. Which means I have to get to the top of the--

Holy... that's a big cathedral. A REALLY big cathedral. HOW AM I GONNA GET UP THERE? I'm pretty sure I'm not going to make it up the stairs and something tells me they don't have an elevator. I can't be late though! I said twelve sharp! (And being late to something when you specifically said "sharp" is very embarassing.)

What to do, what to do. Two minutes...

I could always panic. Two minutes is ample time to do that.

"Kyuuuu..."

What a familiar sound, kyuu. I only know one creature that actually says it, with that long drawn-out ending...

WIZ!

The white, ah, thing, riding on it's very large white ears, flutter over to me like a crazy butterfly, blinking at me adorably. Then it transforms in a dark -ping- into a pair of black wings which happily attach themselves to my back, flapping once as if testing the winds. Heh, I can only imagine how these look! Part of me wishes I could wear them to school... the ultimate goth! Thank you Daisuke!

If he was here right now, I think I would kiss him, whether he's my sister's boyfriend or not! I LOVE YOU DAISUKE NIWA!

now if only I wasn't having the little problem with not knowing how to fly. They don't make Dummies books for this kind of thing unfortunately. If they did though, than I'm sure Dark-sama would be the one to write it... and his writing would be amazing... so beautiful... I'd treasure every--

I'm going to be late!

Okay, concentrate on flapping the wings. Flapping, flapping...

Rising...

Panicking...

I'm flying! I'm fly-- GAH!

Feeling the shudder run through Wiz as I almost fly us both right into the unforgiving cathedral wall is not what you'd call a confidence building experiece.

"Cut me a break! It's the first time I've done this!"

"K-kyuu...?" It whimpers and I force my voice to become just a tad softer.I must've lost my mind if I'm yelling at a mascot. Come _on_ Risa.

"I'll get us up there okay?"

"Kyuu..."

"Oh shut up." I return my attention to the important matter at hand - prep-talking myself.

Don't look down, just fly up. Straight up, do not pass go, do not collect-- no! I want the 200 dollars! Come on Risa, fly up, up, up-- I must be pretty high up by now. These windows are pretty, I wonder how they look beneath--

MORON! WAGH! DOWN! LONG WAY DOWN!

Tackling the nearest gargoyle head, I stare down in horror. I'm.. I'm 3/4ths up... long... LONG way down...

"Dark-sama..."

"Kyuuuuu!" My wings whine impatiently and flap again, dislodging my position.

"NO! I wanna stay where I'm safe!" I yell, grasping at the head again frantically, but Wiz is ignoring me, rising ever more towards the rooftop while I'm just along for the ride.

Oh wait... I stare down at my bandaged hand as blood begins to soak through. It must have reopened when I was torn away from the gargoyle. Ouch... I hope S-Hiwatari-kun doesn't notice.

Wiz 'kyuu's happily as it lands my nervous feet on the cathedral railing, the stone border that runs all around the rooftop. I stabilize my footing, and step down gracefully.

Three seconds to twelve.

Hiwatari, of course, is already there, apparently having been waiting for a while judging by the fact that he's sitting, and checking an elaborate pocketwatch. As he slips it back into his pocket, I catch a glimpse of a lion on the shiny silver cover. (AN: FMA! XD) The moon is directly behind me, shading my face and I'm grateful for it. Hiwatari has no idea I'm not Dark.

"So you've come back." His voice is deadly serious, but holds a hint of familiarity. If one stared only at his eyes, you could catch the flecks of excitement that still flash through them occasionally, like lightning in an icy blue sky. He's somehow not as empty right now, even though Daisuke told Riku (therefore me) that Hiwatari hated chasing Dark, hated being Krad, hated all the aloneness he had to feel to accomplish both. But this is what he lived for after all. He's... strong, in that respect. Not that it makes me like him any more.

"Commander." My voice is mocking, trying to make it as teasing as lovely Dark-sama's can be. Hiwatari gives no sign that he's immediately aware that I'm not Dark. Maybe my acting's better then I thought. I always knew I could act, since I had that cameo in the school play during "Snow and Ice"! Okay, I was booted off the stage, but I was still in there!

"Why did you come back?" He asks. The tone is colder than I expected. But I'm Dark! I can take anything.

Except his creepy glare.

"What, you didn't think I could?"

"Call it a little thing like "that seal wasn't supposed to break yet"."

"Who says it did?"

"You appearing said it. Where's Krad? Isn't HE returning as well?" There's something about the way Hiwatari says 'he' that sends chills up my spine. At least he's never said my name like he just said Krad's... I don't think I could take that kind of hatred. And judging from what Daisuke said once, Krad didn't appreciate being hated either.

"No. Pretty Boy's not coming back." I once heard Dark-sama call Krad that, and thought it was properly insulting for someone like Krad. I've wanted to use it since then, and now I get to.

Hiwatari stares at me in confusion for a moment, then takes a step forward. Immediately, without even thinking, I take a step backwards.

"Dark the phantom thief wouldn't retreat, not unless his life was in danger." Hiwatari says, sounding rather bemused.

"Who are you?"

"Back off commander!" I snap quickly, glaring at him and taking another step backwards. Character be forgotten, he's creeping me out with his advancing on me!

His hand shoots out, snatching my wrist tightly and dragging it away from my side.

"This," he says calmly, holding my captive hand up painfully so the moon shines on the bandages. "--would be purely child's play for Dark. He doesn't use bandages for anything but Daisuke's conveniance. Not to mention that this is not a thief's hand. It's too small."

Well, there goes that game. My hand looks nothing like Dark-sama's. That much is true.

"Fine. I'm not Dark. Now let go. You're hurting me."

"Unless you state your name and business within the next three seconds, I am going to hurt you much more."

I suppose, he is a police commander, and not about to let someone suspicious go free. Buuuuut my patience is going. Bye bye nice Risa.

"It's Harada you moron. Give me my hand back, or I'm going to kick you."

"Harada?" He hadn't anticipated this, his eyes going wide behind the safety of his glasses, in that panicked look he gets when someone has surprised him. This... pleases me. Yes. Regret, be surprised, stare at me with those really big, scared eyes you can get. Be confused. This is my itty bitty revenge.

"You're Harada?"

"You find it so hard to believe? Let go of my hand already!"

He looks down at my hand, immediately dropping it as if it's on fire, staring at the bandages avidly. Does he think I tried something just because he said he hated me? Heh, I dropped a dish. Is that suicidal now?

But Hiwatari's gaze never wavers, it's just hard as ice now. He's disappointed... but he's not showing it. Back to being my usual, meek self to try and get some answers.

"Hiwatari-kun, I just wanted to ask you something. I thought this was the only way you'd listen. Obviously, that didn't work since you figured it out so soon." My voice sounds stupid and simpering to my own ears, scraping against them like the screech of one of his fangirls. It's pathetic.

His blue eyes have lost the shine they had for a few seconds when he thought I was Dark.

"What." He asks tiredly.

"Why do you hate me?" The words slip out, having been locked away in the back of my throat, waiting for this moment.

And my question glimmers in the moonlight as Satoshi's eyes tear away from staring at me.

"You betrayed me. I talked with you, told you my..." He stopps abruptly, shaking his head. I can almost think... he's embarressed about the nightmare he told me?

"...you ran around the school telling people we were going out. Telling your friends about what I had told you. That... I loved you. Was I a conquest Risa?" His blue hair has brushed over his eyes, so I see nothing but his bangs and the faint glint of silver frames when his glasses catch the moonlight.

"Is that all I was?" He asks again, waiting for an answer.

Who told him this? Who convinced him that I told everyone, the things he told me? I hadn't even known him long... but I wouldn't claim that! And... how dare he misjudge me like that!

I demand retribution!

Satoshi stumbles backwards as my handprint reddens on his cheek, staring at me hurtfully.

"What do you think you're--"

"IS THAT WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF ME!" I interrupt, yelling at him. I can hear my voice bouncing off the towers of the cathedral, into the night.

Is that ALL he thought of me as?

A big-mouthed girl with nothing better to do then spread his thoughts or emotions all over the school! Someone so pathetic that she would befriend you and then distribute his private thoughts around the school?

Such a narcissist!

"How dare you think of me like that! You're so self-obsessed and worried about your 'image' to the school? The Satoshi Hikari I know couldn't care less how he comes across to people! I don't know who told you all this crap that got around the school about you and I, maybe Takeshi was out stalking someone that night and happened to see us, I don't know, but I would never do that to ANYONE, much less you!"

... you paranoid little boy you. You just couldn't believe that I merely wanted to be your friend could you? No, there had to be an ulterior motive.

I should've stopped thinking a minute ago and paid attention to Satoshi. His head has shot up a second after my rant, with that look in his eyes. A different kind of shine then there was a moment ago. Not the fear one, a different one. It's so innocent, I almost want to glomp him and yell 'chibiii!' (Fortunately, I restrain myself.)

"You... you didn't...?" He asks hesitantly, almost like a little kid, with the handmark still burning on his cheek. He shifts forward, that confused expression replaced with a faint determined look in his eyes. He leans forward, cupping my face with one slender hand, fingers brushing my cheek and tilts my head up slightly, bringing his face close to mine...

WHAT IS HE DOING!

My eyes shut tightly and I think I'd slap him if my hands weren't already spazzing out at my sides, unable to decide what to do.

"S-S-Sato--"

I feel myself tremble as he stares down at me, amazingly close, then his eyes close suddenly. The sound of feathers rustling loudly, his body shuddering slightly to accept them. His DNA is reacting? To-to-to... TO ME?

His lips touch mine, carefully, as if I'm going to break at any second. His own lips are dry, scared-- why am I thinking that! Why is he even kissing me! I was mad at him just a second ago! How-how does he think he has the RIGHT!

NO!

Violently, I shove him away from me, stumbling backwards, AWAY from him and towards the border of the cathedral.

"How-how-how-you-you pervert!" I yell angrily, glaring at him, fully aware that my sentance didn't make any sense. That moron shouldn't have kissed me! Do you kiss people who just slapped you and ranted at you? NO!

Satoshi, you're such an idiot!

He's obviously completely surprised by my shoving him away, or maybe just his own initiative in kissing me. Numbly, he just sits on the cold tiles of the roof as I scream at him, those evil white wings flooding away from his body. Feathers are scattered around the roof, some still drifting to earth. But he's still Satoshi, still has the blue eyes and hair of Satoshi. His cold, icy face is a mask of ... confusion. Like he doesn't know what's going on either, not saying a word.

And something else.

There's something else in his eyes.

I whirl, stepping up onto the yeesh, very high ledge of the cathedral, letting Wiz's black wings catch the current, and jump. I don't want to know, I didn't see, I didn't identify that other emotion in his face that he got when I pushed him away. I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't...

It was hurt.

Okay. Maybe... I did.

(divider)

OOOKAY! Risa kinda ticks me off... at least in this chapter... if it doesn't make sense, I might rewrite.

Edit: DID rewrite! And I changed quite a few things. Did ya notice? Risa has a LOT more character. Joy. Cause character is good. Are you aware this chapter is 11 pages long? Oo;; that has to be one of the longest chapters...

REVIEW! Feed the review button...


	9. Chapter 9: Satoshi

Disclaimer: See... all the other chapters! And after you're done with that waste of time, remember that one person owns Dnangel and it's not me. Have a nice day.

Thanks for all your reviews/loves all/

(divider)

She's... she's gone.

I feel so numb.

I always assumed that was a typical feeling for me, Satoshi Hi... Hikari. Icicle boy, creepy boy, the world's only living heart donor. Emotionless, unfeeling, lifeless.

But I was never this forced numbness, this pain, this complete and total not-understanding, this wordlessness... there's nothing inside Satoshi that hasn't become deadly silent, except my heart, which still pounds slowly, hammer-like, away.

Risa vanishes off the edge of the cathedral like a nightbird on her borrowed wings. Her gaze doesn't turn back for an instant, not a second more of looking at me then she absolutely has to. The only words I can think to say are 'I didn't mean to.' I didn't mean to act on impulse, didn't mean to capture her face with my hand, didn't mean to take her kiss-- steal it like the miserable thief only Dark was meant to be.

But I did.

I wish, to heaven, I wish I could say it was her _voice_ as she told me that she'd never spilled the private things I told her, her _eyes_, the moon, her _hands_, ANYTHING so it isn't my fault that I kissed her!

But it was all me. My needs, my wants, my desire that I never before realized, to really be able to trust someone. I don't love Risa Harada. I will NEVER love Risa Harada!

I just...

I lost myself.

I wanted to believe her so much at that moment that I lost myself. I couldn't, can't, convey this... not in words. Detailed police reports are simple, people are numbers, problems, emergencies, obstacles, and their emotions are even less unless they're jumping off a bridge; but in relationships... there are no words, no numbers, no statistics. There is only actions, and I chose the wrong one. Destroying everything I built, I lost my cool and gave her everything I felt in what would actively be described as a romantic manner.

Which explains why these cursed wings have ripped from my back and now glisten in the moonlight, the purity of these white feathers blinding and sickly ironic. She's my 'Sacred Maiden'. Dark once said mockingly that it was Daisuke who was my 'Sacred Maiden'. The thief took home a black eye for that one, though I can't remember if it was Krad or me who gave it to him. Both of us were righteously incensed by the comment.

As I have just made obvious, I'm straight.

And bitterly alone.

Just like it was meant to be.

Standing slowly, all the seconds of Risa come flooding back to me, a million veins of memory rushing back into my numb mind. My arms are empty, and my mouth is dry, I suddenly notice. She was... calm, wasn't she? She didn't push me away at first, let me awkwardly try to... to kiss her.

What does it matter? She hates me now. She must. She didn't want me to kiss her, she was yelling at me! Kissing her while she's angry is possibly one of the stupidest and weirdest things that can happen and congratulations Satoshi Hiwatari, you just did it. I could at least have the decency to care, like the human being I supposedly am, to what she was saying instead of indulging in my own self-centered actions. I could've listened to what she wanted me to know, to what she'd been thinking!

So this is what it feels like, to have just lost the only person I've cared about since Daisuke appeared, with his having no urge to fight me and every desire to be my best friend.

I have to fight the urge to slide slowly down to the inviting cold stones of the roof and cry like a little kid. My glasses are already foggy with the heat I can't help but generate, the breath I can't stop sucking in and out as though I'm suffocating.

Apparently Hikaris aren't just artists. We're lonely artists, getting so wrapped up in ourselves and our hidden emotions, we don't notice when people are hitting us over the head with their blatent, unconcealedemotions, dying to let us in if only we were paying attention.

And yet then all we can do is envy them. True narcissists.

Walking with measured steps over to the edge of the roof, I step up onto the raised border smoothly. The night whispers around me, a bat whirring by on fast, blind wings. The urge to scream overwhelms me and I close my eyes tightly.

You can't cry.

Hikaris never cry.

Don't cry because you're cold.

Icy Satoshi. Pure ice.

Emotionless...

If I'm emotionless, why do these pictures of Risa burn like flames in my mind? Why can't I stop this thinking? Someone just make it all stop!

What forces humans to cry when they feel this way? The release of tears is foolish, useless! It shouldn't apply to me!

I shove my fingers against my tear ducts, eyes squeezing shut involuntarily. As if this will stop me from crying. My eyes sting, burning, but no tears are falling, my fingers are drenched though. A small, bittersweet price to pay, to remain invulnerable.

Unhurt. Emotionless. Still perfect, without the rips and streaks of tearstains.

Heh, Krad would be proud. At least someone would be.

"Satoshi...?"

WHAT!

I jump fully into the air as I whirl, white wings catching me and hovering just over the giantic drop from the cathedral. Daisuke, the clueless little redhead, stares at me, panicked as he notices the white wings. I don't blame him, considering how many times Krad has attacked him.

"Satoshi...?" He asks again, more hesitantly this time, eyeing the wings as if waiting for my hair to grow and turn a bright blonde any moment now. Wiz peeks it's head out of Daisuke's red sweatshirt hood, giant scarlet eyes staring at me, attempting innocence. I hate that animal. It went directly from Risa to Daisuke to bring the 'bad news', and brought Daisuke back here.

Why can't anyone leave me alone! I'm fine! I'm just fine! If she would just leave me alone, and him, and it... if they all would just leave...

"Konbanwa Niwa." I answer calmly. I'm proud of my voice for not catching, not choked, not uncontrolled. There are no remnants of her in my voice. None at all. I'm Satoshi Hikari; there never was any blue-haired boy standing here, ready to scream and cry his heart out. No, he never existed. That would be a disgrace to the Hikaris, to the Hiwataris even. To anyone.

"Did... your date with Risa go well?" Daisuke asks sheepishly, not looking at me because he already knows the answer, but wants to pretend that he's a friend, that he doesn't know from Wiz already and is simply waiting to hear it from me as his 'friend'. I land on the roof's edge again, feeling myself trying not to hate Niwa.

It was not a date Daisuke. I received a calling card from 'Dark', followed it, found out it was Risa, talked, had an unexpected, unplanned, un_wanted_ kiss and she flew off.

Yeah, one heck of a date Daisuke.

"It wasn't a date." I mutter darkly but he still beams as if I was raving about Risa in complete puppy love. How is it that smile always appears in both the worst and best of times? Even when no one wants to see it, it appears.

"But you two made things better, didn't you? You aren't mad at her."

"The situation may have been reversed."

Such an innocent smile Daisuke owns, a blissfully hoping that everything's okay now, with just an hour's time having flown by. Hard to believe that Risa was the one who shredded Daisukue's heart into confetti after he hesitated for so long, waiting until they were close friends, a safe zone. How can he be this way about her? Calm, cheerful... Risa and I's relationship is certainly not romantic but the question still applies. If it were a romantic problem, Risa would have torn me to shreds.

I don't understand what I'm thinking.

"What do you mean, the situation is reversed? Does she--"

"I believes she hates me now, yes."

His smile fades slowly, like a mist receding into the distance, showing no sign of ever having been there.

"You... did you... what happen...?" He finally manages, going through various faces on his way to this conclusion.

"I made a mistake."

"Mistake?"

"I kissed her."

This effectively shuts up Daisuke.

"I kissed her without any romantic feeling before you jump to that conclusion. It was purely plutonic, innocent. It was an accident, a mistake, it should not have taken place."

That rhymed. I hate rhyming. It makes me feel stupid and I need no more of that at the moment.

"She did not appreciate this 'gesture' and shoved me away, flying off."

"And... your wings?" Daisuke asks hesitantly, staring at the white flowers on my back as they reach for the moon. Cursed and bound to a body that's never going to bear them that high.

"I received them when... when I kissed her."

That is the only part of my story I can really classify as 'embarassing'. There is only one conclusion Daisuke can draw from that and I flinch mentally, waiting for the words to fall.

But then, they just... don't.

"Why don't you stay the night at my house? It's way too lonely in your apartment tonight." He announces brightly, completely off-topic and I look over to stare at him oddly. He didn't say a word about Risa, or her being my... Sacred Maiden...?

Sigh.

Daisuke's like a hobbit I suppose, (minus the hairy feet and overweight body of course) - he'll never cease to surprise me, even when I think he's so simple to figure out.

"All... right?" I reply slowly and the smile leaps onto his face.

"Okay!" He cheerfully responds, walking over to the edge and climbing up on it as Wiz scuttles up onto his head. The thing hesitates, then takes a kamikaze leap into oblivion, changing into it's black-winged self. The redhead looks back at me.

"I'll race you?"

"Not tonight."

He shrugs casually, leaps off the roof and glides smoothly, expecting me, no, _trusting_ me to follow him. I know this is all just a ploy to try and distract me from thoughts of Risa, but it doesn't matter, as long as it works... if it works. My wings lift, catching the light breeze and letting it ruffle through them before I let myself drift off the roof, feeling like a leaf or snowflake, something utterly unconcerned with where it's going in any case.

Krad would be angry if he saw me, knew what I was thinking right now. Not caring, ready to believe anyone as long as they would smile at me, treat me as if I was human... yeah, I suppose he'd be ranting in the back of my head, annoyance reigning supreme. His rule was that other people always got in the way. I was his closest friend and he was my only friend, or so he would have it. But Daisuke ducked in through my barriers, and now... Risa has, had, as well.

But I believe she shattered all of them when she yanked away from me, yelling. That look she shot me, full of shock, fear, disgust, all rolled into one scared gaze; it sent a stabbing pain through me, a knife of eyes. I can't forget it.

As I'm up here, a country song floats through my head. Silly, yes, juvenile, of course but...

'And if you look into the sky, you might see an angel crying.'

I really wish I could remember it now.

"Satoshi?" Daisuke drops back to fly beside me, looking concerned, probably because I've let my bangs drift over my eyes, hiding them from everyone. It's a poor habit I accquired, a way of keeping myself to myself and letting no one else in.

"Are you okay? You were sinking..." He continues cautiously and I glance down. Ah, evidently my 'hiding' wasn't the cause of his concern. The houses, instead of being distant, are so close that if I dropped a few feet I could kiss them with my fingertips. Brush. _Brush _them with my fingertips. Is everything in my mind going to circulate around that horrid action from now on?

I hope not.

We both touch down silently outside the Niwa residence, Wiz transforming back into it's cute self conveniantly as my wings persist in remaining their normal, hated selves. Daisuke opens the door verrrry carefully, as if something's going to jump out and try to eat him. His mother, perhaps? I always found Emiko Niwa rather terrifying...

He puts one solitary toe inside the threshold, then the rest of his toes, then his foot; and just as I'm start to wonder if this is some strange 'Hokey Pokey' ritual he's made up on the spot (or considering the possibility that he's just deranged), he motions to me, smiling sheepishly.

"It's okay. They didn't booby-trap it this time."

Ah. That explains it. I'm fully aware that the rest of the Niwa clan are mental. Or at least his mother.

Unfortunately, before Daisuke has gone more then three feet into the house, tip-toeing all the way, a trapdoor opens suddenly beneath his feet and drops him into some dark abyss of the house, faster then even I can leap forward to catch him from.

Doesn't stop me from trying and getting an earful of the Niwa's shriek as he plummets.

"UWAHHHHHHHHH!" He yells as his form vanishes into the blackness.

"MOMMMMMMMMMM!" Comes another instantaneous yell of his, followed by a "thump" and then a muffled "owwwww".

A dramatic pause, then the endlessly interesting yell;

"ALLIGATORS! WHERE DID SHE GET ALLIGATORS!"

Living in the Niwa house must be eternally entertaining. That, or so boring they actually come up with these traps in their spare time. I'm not worried about Daisuke though, he's been through worse.

The faint 'whoosh' of a object behind me causes me to immediately leap away from the hole, narrowly missing a meeting with the spiked beam that swoops over the trap. A gleam out of the corner of my eye alerts me of the collection of sharp points on both sides of the wall, activated by a single trip wire that lies directly in front of my position. Argh, with these wings I make far too large a target.

Checking the ceiling carefully for further surprises, I leap over the wire, aiming for the open room at the end of the hallway. But the sharp snap behind me alerts me of my miscalculation; one of my wings brushing against the wire with the barest of touches. Immediately the spikes slam together, nearly snapping my wing in them as I whirl, tearing out of reach. Emiko Niwa would do this to her own SON? What happened to the Niwas being all sweetness and light? More importantly, how in the world does Daisuke stay SANE in this house?

scuffle-

I barely have time to look over my shoulder before a wooden object side-swipes me, sending me speeding into the wall with a thunk. Ouch... pain... let's hope there's no potentially fatal traps in this wall as well. It attacks my head next but I don't feel this one as much since the world has already dissolved into black-colored pain.

Are you laughing yet Krad?

_'Would you like my wings? They might help you Satoshi-sama.'_

Help me into an early grave maybe.

The yelling voices of two Niwas keep me from passing out, Niwa having evidently scrambled out of the abyss somehow and promptly panicking. My glasses lie on the floor, broken again, so all I can see are their dim forms fighting over...

A baseball bat. How dignified. Krad would die of shame that his Tamer has been brought down by a baseball bat. Heh.

"Mom! Stop it! That's Satoshi!"

"How am I supposed to know! It's two in the morning! What are you doing in so late!"

"I told you not to sleep with the baseball bat! You might've killed him!"

"I'm the mother here! Don't you tell me what to do or I'll put cobras in that basement too!"

"Satoshi? Satoshi are you okay!"

If you could stop the laughing in my head, I might be...

(divider)

**(AN: I just like the idea of Emiko Niwa and flamingos, don't you? Shutting up now, heeheehee...**

**Edit: Aw, I took the flamingos out. And they probably should've stayed in there... they were so cool. Maybe I should make a side story about Emiko and flamingos... returning you to story now)**

(divider)

"Y-you aren't dead, are you Satoshi-kun?"

"He's a Hikari Daisuke. They've taken worse, he'll be fine."

"MOM!"

"Fine, fine. You okay honey?"

From 'Hikari' to 'honey' in less than two minutes. Do I WANT to open my eyes? I'd have to do that to check for possible exits in any case. Emiko Niwa may not have decided she's quite done yet.

I open one eye slowly, staring out the blurry slit at one worried face and one slightly ashamed one.

Coming to with two Niwas hovering over you like moths at a light, and having a massive headache _already _in place, isn't the most calming way to wake up in the world.

Especially if you happen to be of the family name Hikari, and one of the Niwas is the one who knocked you out.

"I'm so sorry Satoshi!" One of the fuzzy forms blurts as soon as he spots my eye opening, the majority of his face turning bright red. Red as the spikes sticking vertically out of his head... that would be Daisuke then, unless Emiko has gone for a terrifying new hairstyle. The other brown-haired figure next to Daisuke looks a little guilty, and a little... worried as well. Probably fearing that I'll sue or something.

"Heh, sorry, I guess I went overboard..." She says sheepishly, putting a hand behind her head in embarassment. So that's where Daisuke got it... My vision is slowly sharpening as I open my eyes, and I realize I'm not still flopped against the wall but on a couch, my wings (which haven't vanished yet. Curses.) folded up against the cushions behind me. Quickly, I press my hands beneath me, shoving myself up to a sitting position. How dare I disgrace the Hikari name like this, passing out in a Niwa household. Have I gone utterly mad? They could've--

Shooting pain...

Calm down Satoshi... Daisuke, remember? Daisuke isn't going to let his mother kill you. But... I don't want to be protected by a Niwa. I don't want to be weak in the house of my enemy, what kind of fool am I!

The screaming of aching wings and ribs are distracting. Emiko really caught me didn't she? I'd check for more injuries if they weren't here, weren't watching me be so... weak.

Daisuke, typically, is already panicking though I've carefully controlled my facial expressions, limiting them to ice but naturally the redhead is worried. Any more sweatdrops flying though and the weatherman is going to have to change the report to 'heavy rain'.

"Don't move Satoshi-kun! It's going to hurt like crazy. Lay back down!" He commands, voice firm and trembly at the same time. Daisuke has never been a hyper-active child, but I haven't known him to be deadly serious before either. It appears he can be. Shaking my head, I remain in this... 'safer' position. Relaxing in a Niwa residence is against the rules...

"I'm fine Daisuke." My voice says smoothly, icily detached from myself but I change positions in any case. Stretching my wings away from the cushions to keep them from stiffening, I move. Almost immediately Emiko snatches one of the fallen feathers, turning it this way and that in the light from the lamp next to the couch.

"Did you have a fallout with Risa-chan?" The Niwa inquires innocently, though I can hear the laughter in her voice. I glare at her dully, vison still blurry. Why should she care? She's a Niwa, none of them should care! Not Daisuke, not Kosuke and definitely not Emiko! Leave me alone!

"What do you care?"

She has no real business with me besides the fact that she tried to kill me with the baseball bat that she sleeps with. Why should she be asking these questions about my life? Is this some new probing for weaknesses? Why does she CARE?

"Oh... the fact that you're spending the night here, your DNA has obviously reacted to your Sacred Maiden since there's no sign of Krad and your wings have appeared," She mulls happily, numbering the incidents on her fingers, then finally grins, jabbing a finger in the air at me violently to make her final point.

"And you're even more touchy then usual!"

First staring at the blurry digit pointing at me, I then glance up at Emiko darkly.

In my current condition, I am unable to strangle her. This is unacceptable.

But whether or not I am happy with my status will not make the world stop spinning around me like a drunken merry-go-round. Settling for glaring at her is the best I can do. But even that, my last refuge, is starting to grow weaker... like the rest of my body.

Firmly (and out of the blue), a weight descends on my chest, pressing me back onto the couch, a hint of triumph in the pressure. Emiko Niwa leans back, happy with herself.

"Go to sleep. Don't make me come after you with the baseball bat again."

"Mom, what are you doing?" Daisuke asks hesitantly from somewhere off in the growing blackness. Indignance runs rampant in Emiko's voice as she answers;

"Helping your friend get to sleep of course!"

"By making death threats...?"

"If it works! Don't question my methods!"

Daisuke sighs with the air of someone put-upon. "Well, once you're done threatening him, can you help me taking down the traps? Risa and Riku are coming over tomorrow to walk to school with me and if they see all... _this..._" Dimly I can picture his hand sweeping over the giant mass of sprung traps littering the hallway.

"Nonsense! They'd love to see your training grounds!"

"I don't think so Mom..."

The Harada twins... here... tomorrow?

wait...

WHAT!

(divider)

Poor Satoshi... (grins) Please review!

Edit: Changes changes, changes everywherrrreee


	10. Chapter 10: Risa

Disclaimer: DNAngel not mine

(divider)

The house is dark as I creak open the door and look around. I can still feel the mascara where it ran down my cheeks and still has stains there.

I want my sister. Yes, I'll be little-kid Risa again, without the gothic dress and on-my-own mentality and my million defenses...

It's Satoshi's fault I feel this way. Why'd he have to kiss me? This makes things so... complicated. Why couldn't he have taken it like he usually does, as I expect, no, TRUST him to, with the icy cold exterior that screams 'no emotion here Harada, you may as well go home!'?

He can't possibly like me in... that way. I've expressed my dislike for him as a boyfrend multiple times, I've never been his fangirl, I don't LIKE Satoshi that way!

But... I can't get over the way he looked, staring at me as if I'd shattered his heart, torn it into bitty shreds all over the rooftop. He's horrible for kissing me like that but..., but that expression of pain, hurt, and the faint... betrayal in his eyes. It's impossible to skim over it, delete it as a closed issue, turn away and never look back.

It was more open then Satoshi's ever been with me before and I threw it back in his face.

Daisuke even got a nicer let-down when I 'dumped' him than I gave Satoshi just now. But Daisuke never tried to kiss me...

Argh, my head hurts. I don't want to think about this. New topic! How about sleeping?

My feet and the floor beneath them remain obediently quiet due to my mental praying as I head up the stairs to Riku and I's darkened bedroom. Wiz abandoned me as soon as I got here, winging it's way quickly back to Daisuke. He's probably out getting Satoshi off that rooftop now-- no! Not thinking that! My outburst wouldn't affect Satoshi that much, he's just... not feeling himself today. That's all.

...I wonder if he hates me again...

Argh! Is there an off switch for the voices in my head? Cause all the unwanted ideas are getting really annoying right about now. I just want to go o bed, turn out the light, and NOT. THINK.

Opening the door to our room, I glance in hesitantly, blinking in the light that shines brightly on the nightstand. Riku is sitting on her bed on top of the covers, calmly reading a novel. She looks up as I sheepishly enter, tucking the novel under her pillow and returning her saddened attention to me. The prodigal little sister who has been out far too late with a questionable boy who was once trying to murder the prodigal's sister's boyfriend. It sounds like a soap opera.

Mascara-tearstains in full-view, there's no way to cover this up. Except for maybe pulling the covers over my head and hoping the world doesn't wake up tomorrow.

"Want to talk about it?" She asks softly. You always know the right things to say don't you? I can feel the next batch of tears rising already. One day you'll be off at college Riku, I know you will, and then who am I going to go to for my counseling sessions? I'm going to shrivel up and fade with you, spend my days facedown on my bed crying.

But the question remains, do I? Do I want to tell all, do I really want to open the floodgates again tonight and pour my heart out to her?

"Not tonight." My voice answers both mental and verbal questions, equally feather-soft like hers, and I curl into my bed, burrowing beneath the warm covers as if I'll never have to leave them again. Her bed emitting a protesting cry as Riku rises, I don't turn to see what she's doing. My own bed tilts to the side as she crawls in, tugging the covers over herself. It's hard to sleep together in a twin bed but we can manage. We always have whenever one of us is really unhappy.

No matter how oblivious Riku seems sometimes... she always understands me when I'm down.

She flicks out the lamp and a few long minutes later I can hear her rhythmic breathing begin. One of the skills that is a source of envy for me is exactly that. She can sleep in mere moments. I'll be awake for hours more.

Amusing myself is difficult however, and I don't realize when I slip from consciousness into dreams that still don't help me forget blue eyes shining unnaturally bright in the moonlight.

(divider)

"Getupgetupgetupppppp! We're gonna be late! Late I tell you! GET UP!"

Someone's tugging the covers away! NO! MY COVERRRS!

"DO NOT TOUCH MY COVERS!"

The hollering drags itself involuntarily out of my mouth and I cling the covers close to me as I whimper and whine. What TIME is it?

"Come ON! I'm not going to wait for you you know!"

"Leave me alone! I want to sleep!"

But sleep is now impossible, my senses already whirring and eyes having adjusted to the barest hint of dawn on the horizon. Ah, HOW long does she think it takes to get to Daisuke's and then school?

Wagh! My defenses are down! Riku callously snatches my covers away, smirking.

"We've gotta get to the Niwas!"

"I want to sleep!"

"Tooooo bad!" She sing-songs, far too loudly for my poor head and starts skipping merrily off to use the bathroom... first! Scrambling, I leap/fall out of bed onto the not-so-soft floor in a tangle of bedclothes just in time to hear the bathroom door shut with a resounding triumphant SLAM.

Curses.

May as well get ready for the unavoidable flirting, fawning and vomit-inducing sweetness that is Daisuke and Riku.

Is there no hero to save me?

(divider)

"Riku-chan! Risa-san! You're early!" Daisuke chirps, opening the door and beaming at us, despite the fact he's in light blue pajamas and obviously not ready. He does project quite an adorable image though, if rather teddy-bear-like. Riku seems to find it endearing; however at this point, I'm tired and couldn't care less if Daisuke was wearing all leather and they were calling each other 'Pooky and Snookums' on the Niwa's front porch.

"Better safe then sorry ne?" My poor lovestruck sister murmurs shyly and it's all I can do not to choke on their woodland-creatures-Disney-movie dialogue. Daisuke scootches out of the way to let us both in, smiling apologetically.

"It may be a few minutes, you can probably tell I'm not quite ready, but I'll try to be as quick as I can... sorry!"

"No problem at all Daisuke-koi!"

...Tell me I didn't just hear that honorific on the end of his name. Never mind never mind never mind.

Riku, treating the house as if it's her own, heads into the living room, with me following along behind her like a good little rather-disturbed-at-all-the-cuteness sister. Is this what REALLY having a boyfriend is like? If so, I'm glad I'm past my high-school 'popularity' days... I can't think of one boy I could reasonably act to the way that Riku acts to Daisuke.

Daisuke vanishes into his room like the very talented thief he is and Riku and I are left alone in the very very quiet house. Contrary to popular opinion/rumor, I have't visited the Niwa house many times, so I'm a little ignorant of their house and the usual surroundings here.

But I am certain that the Niwas do not regularly have a certain winged, blue-haired Hikari sleeping on their couch... without his glasses...

My breath catches in my throat; I've always heard about that in movies but never really experienced a complete surprise like this. Starting to pray that he doesn't wake up would probably be a good idea at the moment.

Even though seeing his amazing blue eyes without glasses fogging them away would be a treat... NO! BAD RISA! YOU DON'T LIKE HIM!

Focus on things other than his eyes...

Satoshi looks so much more, well, comfortable asleep then awake. His head is tilted slightly like a child's, his body curled up into a loose fetal position, and his legs drawn up to his chest casually. It's nothing like the icy, tense person he is around everyone else, completely conscious of everyone and everything, and seeming to believe they're all enemies to him...

I wonder if he's ever been so relaxed in front of people this way?

Selfishly, I'm suddenly and unfortunately conscious of how -I- must look. The little fact that I didn't bother to do anything more then run a brush through my hair this morning, the way the uniform does NOT flatter me in any way, my growing blush that's quickly infecting my whole face--

"Risa!" Riku whisper-yells, staring at me in annoyance.

"Stop staring at Hiwatari-kun! I don't care if you like him, give him a little privacy will you?" Finishing her rebuke, crossing her arms over her chest and looking at me with a faint smirk, I can almost hate her.

For your information Riku, I DON'T LIKE SATOSHI! He's a pervert and has a, by the way, INSANE alter ego intent on destroying lovely Dark-sama, and WHY in the world would I like HIM?

"Nn..."

Oh my... he's waking up... darn you Riku!

His (bottomless) blue eyes open slowly, staring at the ceiling like it's the Sistine Chapel, blinking in surprise at it. His eyes drift downwards to scan the room, finally resting gently on Riku and I. His piercing gaze, not glare for once, locks on me like a missile immediately. He jolts upward violently, trying to pretend he wasn't just sleeping in front of us and not look panicked at the same time.

But at his own sudden movement he winces, his pain only noticeable by the sweat bead that trickles slowly down his forehead, and he loosens his posture, wings drooping with him ungracefully. His shirt lifted when he fidgeted and I can see fresh bruising across his side and I assume his ribs. Bet there's a story behind those...

"Harada-kun." He acknowledges smugly in his usual tone, dipping his head slightly. He doesn't stand and I can understand why... His eyes keep roaming as well, trying to place what I can picture are blurry people and an unfamiliar room to him. Where his glasses are, I haven't a clue.

"What brings you here?" He inquires, directing the question at Riku coolly, IGNORING ME. The urge to whack him is overpowering, but smacking a defenseless classmate as a guest in someone's house... that doesn't do it for me. I'll wait till I can yell at him properly.

Riku smiles faintly at him, in the manner of one annoyed by his presence but forced to put up with it.

"Daisuke-kun asked us to walk to school with him. I assume you are coming as well Hiwatari-kun?"

Crap, NO! I can't walk all the way to school with this creep in my face! Sister, how COULD you?

Satoshi, the sly bird, investigates my face carefully in the space of a mere moment before answering the question.

"I doubt it Harada-san."

Thank you! Yipee! Er... I SHOULD feel that way... darn delayed reactions... Satoshi has numbed me just like himself and I'm not going to give in to the nagging want that is rising in the pit of my stomach--

I don't want to have Satoshi with us! I don't...

"Sorry to keep you waiting-- Oh, Satoshi, good morning!" Daisuke bounds in, all light and smiles as Satoshi looks up at him blankly then slowly nods.

"Good morning..."

"Do you want to walk to school with us?" The redhead asks brightly, tugging a brush through his messy stll-bedridden hair, apparently not noticing that Satoshi STILL has gigantic white wings perched upon his back, broadcasting to the entire world that he was once Krad! How can he possibly go to school like that?

Besides, Satoshi hardly looks awake enough to pick up a coffee cup, much less make it the train ride from Daisuke's house to school. But he still stands, an obvious difficulty no matter how he tries to hide it, and I notice he's still wearing the wrinkled outfit of last night. Did he not return home after we met together...? Maybe that's why Wiz left in such a hurry, to tell Daisuke so he could go make sure that Satoshi didn't do anything--

No. It's none of my business and he's not my responsibility. I never asked for a romantic relationship with Satoshi and I am NOT going to have one forced on me by his horomones! The pervert!

"I think I'll come Daisuke."

...add traitor to that list. He KNOWS that I don't want him there, and he said just a moment ago he doubted it! I swear he knows that I don't want him there, that smirking look in his eyes... eeeevil, you are pure evil Satoshi Hiwatari!

"Do you want to eat something first?" Daisuke questions, tugging on his jacket but Satoshi shakes his head, strands of that beauti-- messy, MESSY, unbrushed blue hair drifting over his piercing eyes--

which are avidly avoiding looking anywhere resembling my direction.

"I'm not hungry." He says quietly, shifting his weight to his other foot in an attempt to relax with those wings on his back. It's just dawned on me, they must weigh a -lot-. Even if they are coated with feathers and supposedly light... I never really considered that they would be like having another leg or arm, breaking just as easily, a constant hazard since no one has adjusted the world for them...

Aside from my inaudible musing, Daisuke has determined that he will not leave Satoshi's denial of hunger at that and he bars the doorway with arms spread wide and a glare lasering out of his usually peacefully happy eyes. His lower lip pouches out in adorable determination. Yes, I know Riku has claimed all the girly words right now, but 'adorable' is the only word to describe how Daisuke looks.

"When was the last time you ate?" He demands with formidable force behind the word and as if on cue Satoshi sighs, trying to retain what shambles of pride and common smugness he usually has.

"...yesterday at lunch." His voice, even energized by his attempt at Satoshi-ness, is still a whisper in the face of an irritated Daisuke. Daisuke plants his hands on his hips, taking them away from the doorposts now that he knows Satoshi can't 'escape'. Riku and I just stand awkwardly, outside of this conversation. I feel like we're looking in a window at a family squabble that we have no part in, just intruding busybodies.

I wonder if we're seen that way?

"My mom's got some cereal in the kitchen!" The redhead announces suddenly, looking over at Riku (his sweetie, his dear) but including both of us in the following question. "Did you eat already?"

"Yeah. Before we left." Riku announces shyly for both of us and Daisuke blushes sheepishly, putting a hand behind his head in embarassment.

"It's going to be a minute the, Satoshi has to eat something so he doesn't pass out at schoo--"

"I'll _eat _already Niwa. Just go to school and stop worrying." Satoshi interrupts, sounding annoyed, and Daisuke looks back at him unhappily.

"But..."

It's then that the light flicks on over my head. Satoshi told him some, or all, of what happened last night and Daisuke wants us to get back together! But... I hate having people pity me...

Satoshi appears to realize what Daisuke is doing at the exact same time, his blue eyes having gotten hard as ice blocks.

"Daisuke. Go. To. School."

"But who will you walk with then?" Daisuke shoots back immediately, a now-angry look in his eyes. "You have low blood sugar, were whacked twice by my mom with a baseball bat last night, and on top of that you have relational problems! If you pass out and fall in a ditch as a product of one of those things while no one's with you and no one sees you, you could die! I'm not going to let that happen! You may think it won't effect anyone if you die but so help me, that's not gong to happen today! Now go eat some cheerios!"

There is dead silence in the room. There's nothing to follow that up.

"Heh..."

The soft sound echoes, bounding around the room like a kangaroo as Satoshi starts chuckling quietly, arms wrapped around his no-doubt aching bruised side.

"'Go eat some cheerios' Daisuke? Was that the best closing line your scriptwriter could think of?"

"D-don't make fun of me!" Daisuke protests, still angry. Satoshi just shakes his head, laughing quietly, almost bitterly, to himself.

"So it would matter to one. My life is changed, I'll go eat cheerios now, don't worry Niwa. You go to school and I'll have my therapy with the breakfast cereal."

"Don't make fun of me!" Daisuke moans unhappily, Riku at his back, getting worried about being late.

"Rii-chan, you'll stay and walk with Hiwatari-kun won't you? " She asks, partially leading Daisuke out the door. That boy was just not made to give long, serious, heart-felt monologues...

Wait, WHAT did she ask!

Too late, the door slams shut behind them.

Leaving me terrified to turn around and face...

gulp.

Satoshi.

I feel his eyes boring into my back curiously, but when I turn around to finally face him, he's eating a bowl of cheerios calmly, having sat down at the Niwa kitchen table. I didn't even hear him get the bowl or cereal out. He glances up at me fleetingly as he eats, then returns his attention to his food.

"You don't have to stay. There's not many ditches on the way to school and a blue-haired teen with white wings sticks out more then Daisuke thinks." He says, icily calm. I can't tell if he doesn't -want- me here, or simply thinks I'd be happier walking alone. Sorry to disappoint him but--

"Nope, I'm staying." I intone, sitting gracefully down on one of the table's chairs. His gaze darts to me again and I swear that it's a glimpse of hope I see dancing in its depths. But it's gone a moment later, like every other shred of humanity that Satoshi chooses to show.

He finishes his cheerios in silence and stands, rinsing out the bowl and heading towards the door.

"You forgot-- oh..." I reached down to take his jacket but now that I hand it to him I can see that it'll never fit over his wings. Satoshi shrugs, handing it back to me.

"You didn't bring one did you? Wear this."

Blushes clash with my outfit, therefore I really shouldn't have them... can't stop this one from infecting my cheeks as I pull on the jacket however.

"Thanks..." Even still being annoyed with him for last night isn't a reason to disregard common courtesy. My tone still carries over a certan iciness I'm proud of however...

As we step out into the elements, it's obvious they've been pitted against us. Light snow that hadn't been there when Riku and I walked here now blankets the ground, not to mention the slippery front steps.

A white feather drifts off Satoshi's wing as we start to make our way down the steps and I unthinkingly catch it. It crumples immediately in my fingers' touch. It's a tiny feather, almost like one of the snowflakes falling...

Unique...

Speaking, or rather thinking, of unique, we must make a fine duo against our white surroundings; me all in black, boycotting the uniform for today with a lacy skirt and corset top while he's in the loose-fitting outfit he wore last night when he 'met Dark'. And him avoiding looking at me by staring avidly at the snow, street signs, buildings, or just about anything in sight.

Not that I'm DYING to look at him. Who'd want to look at a glasses-wearing (even though they're gone right now...), white-winged, blue-haired freaky boy?

Maybe he's staring around because he can't see very well without his glasses... poor guy. I wonder if Daisuke's mom broke him when she hit him with the bat. Must be how he got the bruises in any case.

"Harada-san, you're going to trip if you don't pay attention to where you're going." His voice is laughing at me, and all traces of pity in my heart for him immediately vanish. How dare he be looking at me? Especially looking so close as to know that I'm not paying attention? What right does he have?

He draws in his breath, then I hear my name dropped from his lips again.

But this time it's not "Harada-san" and that makes all the difference in the world.

"Risa... I want to apologize for last night."

What a soft, whispery voice Satoshi can have... I have to strain to hear it over the falling of the silent snow. Snow that I force my own tone to resemble when I reply.

"Oh. Really."

"I'm sorry."

Why -is- he apologizing? It's not a Satoshi-like act. Does this mean... he likes me? My emotions matter enough to him that he wants to keep them uplifted? Or does he just want to know I accept the first transgression and am open to more? My first three 'boyfriends' thought they could go that route, but I don't think Satoshi's that kind of guy.

He isn't, is he?

Heh, that possibly is about as likely as his actually liking m--

WHUMPH-

Oww! WHAT was that! Stupid pothole! My foot slipped into it and-- is that blue hair brushing my arm? And is that arm around Satoshi's neck...!

"I told you you'd hurt yourself if you kept didn't pay attention. Are you all right?"

He's holding me.

Satoshi's holding me.

And my body is supported by him, my arms around his neck like a desperate pathetic hostage or something.

Back to the original hypothesis:

Satoshi's HOLDING ME.

"I-I-I-"

My ankle hurts, and this position is terrifying to me and I can't get the words out to say that...

"We're going to be late. Are you all right or not?"

"I-I-I'm fine. Thanks." And scurry away Risa, brush down your skirt frantically and tell no one your arms were clasped around his neck.

I could die.

"W-we'd better get to school..."

"Indeed." Satoshi straightens, blinking away any emotion brought on by our 'encounter'. I wish so badly I could do that, because I can feel the dark dark blush spreading across my face. He's staring at me.

"C-c-" My voice hesitates so I just pop in the first thing that comes to my head.

"Can you see all right?"

Confused blue eyes that don't have an end stare at me in obvious 'have you gone off the deep end?' disbelief, but he quickly recovers.

"I'm fine." He murmurs softly and the faint blush that darts across his face I don't understand. Daisuke asks him this ALL THE TIME and he never blushes. Doesn't distract from the fact it's cute however... I try hurriedly to regain my composure before Satoshi thinks I'm a complete moron.

"I'm glad." Smiling, I start off in the direction of school. But I'm not followed... I turn and stare back at the lost-looking figure standing in the falling snow, blue bangs low over his eyes. The question that comes ever-so-quietly from his lips makes me blink at the sudden change of topic.

"Are we... 'made up' then, Harada-san?"

Can't resist the faint smile and correction.

"It's Risa, Satoshi. Always Risa."

(divider)

CHAPTER ENDS! Did ya like? I actually though it was a good place to end the chapter... please review!

Reviewcontinuing soon!

Edit: Oi, CHANGES! change change change, don't ya love it?


	11. Chapter 11: Satoshi

Disclaimer: See previous chapters.

Heh, sorry I'm so slow! Blame it on Daylight Savings time...

Edit: long... edited... chapter... how did you people READ this the first time through! My gosh... so many contradictions and screwups and non-explanations...

Anyhow! Thanks so much to everyone who reviews:dances: I love them and they are all muchly appreciated.

(divider)

"Risa..."

I can feel that hated burning creep up behind my face, but it won't overtake me as it did Risa. I won't let it.

Curse horomones. Curse them to an unthinkable place.

Getting to school should be the first priority at the moment, so I brush past her still-smiling figure as if she's a manniquin. I can't waste time on all these... frivolous pursuits.

No, those are NOT joy and relief that are rising inside me.

"_I don't like guys with glasses."_

She doesn't truly care about me, despite what she says (because she couldn't, she just couldn't). She's happily oblivious even, that while I was 'asleep' in the Niwa house, the only face that kept dancing through my subconscious was hers, smiling, pouting, asking if I was all right...

That information will NEVER become public knowledge. Especially the knowledge that when the stupid idea that I might die from being whacked from a baseball bat (no, I'm not going to list the chances of that happening) flickered through my head, the immediate followup emotion was regret.

Regret that I never got to tell her...

(divider)

When we enter the school, no one apparently noticing that we entered -together-, there is a collective gasp. My wings attract more attention then I give them credit for. However, with a few well-placed glares, the students back away, still shedding their compliments off on me like feathers from some molting bird.

"Wow, where'd you get them!"

"Hiwatari-kun, they're so beautiful!"

"He's even more beautiful then before! And what happened to his glasses?" --that is, of course, my scary fanclub's addition to the mix.

And despite what I told Risa, my glasses, or rather the lack of them, is getting annoying, watching the slightly fuzzy students mill around and finally disperse to class (thankfully).

"You look just like Dark's opposite!" One well-meaning student calls to me, disappearing into a doorway.

"Indeed, Satoshi Hikari. You look just like **_Krad_.**"

There is _nothing_ well-meant in that second tone. Risa has gone on ahead, to her own class, so I am left with this wonderful creepy person standing at the top of the stairway, looking down at me. It's a boy, a junior by his appearance, black hair having taken over his head in spikey chunks that resemble the aftermath of a weedwhacker. Disturbingly green eyes peer out at me from beneath the black bangs, his arms crossed, mouth pulled into a devilish smirk.

He'd be "adorable" in the shallow girls at our school's opinion, but I couldn't care one way or other. I already dislike him in any case. His confident stance resembles Takeshi on a fresh Dark tip, but he obviously has much more of a clue then the reporter-wannabe does.

"Do I have your attention Angel-boy?" He spits out, treating the "nickname" with the hatred one would usually reserve for mass murderers. Oh wait, Krad is one. Surprise, surprise.

I take a step backwards as the boy leaps from top to bottom step in one long leap, coming up to smirk at me proudly.

"And -I- never had wings to do that." He says smugly as he straightens.

"What?" Maybe it's not the most articulate thing in the world to say, but it conveys the point rather well while my brain draws a blank.

"I know exactly who and what you are. And you don't know me from Adam. But I'm sure if you checked "Mokuta" up in that fancy database you're so proud of, you'd find all you'd like to know." He rattles this off self-absorbedly, and STILL hasn't told me exactly what he wants with me. So he knows I'm--no, I was, I WAS Krad. Join the club, since it doesn't seem to matter much anymore. Though if he tried very hard, maybe he could get me sent to jail. If I wasn't a minor.

Maybe Krad did something to him?

Wonderful, I'm going to be playing with my alter ego's enemies now as well as anyone else who crops up. Thanks a lot Krad.

"Anyway Hikari, you're going to be seeing a lot more of me. A lot more."

Combined with a menacing twitch of his eyebrows, he's truly ridiculous/terrifying. Anyway, didn't I already explain that I'm straight! These people!

"And Harada might too... so keep your eyes open."

Having finished his threat/pickup-line/closing statement, "Mokuta" starts stalking off darkly, while trying to look sweet and innocent at the same time. I believe the effect of his 'excellent acting' is truly demonstrated when three fangirls hurl themselves out of a classroom and tackle him to the ground.

"TARO-SAMAAA!"

Taro then. Taro Mokuta. It sounds suspiciously like something you'd eat... maybe I'm simply mixing it up with tako. (AN: takooctopus in japanese)

In any case, perhaps I should notify Risa--

And the late bell shrieks through my thoughts. Curses! I duck inside the classroom to a sea of confused faces, wings towering over my head like the curse they are.

The teacher is the first to break the shocked silence, clearing his throat and shuffling papers.

"In the future Hiwatari, it would be appreciated if you would not cosplay during school hours. I will overlook it this time but don't let it happen again."

Nodding mutely, I try to fit myself into the desk space and finally end up sitting on the floor. This is undignified. Especially being mistaken for a cosplayer...

But even my irregular seating can't keep my mind from wandering. What does Mokuta want with Risa? Should I be worried about safety? How does he know about the computer database and the fact that he's in it?

Why did his eyes look ever-so-faintly familiar?

What _is_ he?

(divider)

Later that night...

(divider)

Loading file, please wait-

As if I had a choice.

Taro Mokuta-

Junior at Azumano High School-

17 years of age-

Newspaper articles on him pop up as well but I'll look at those later; the last thing I need is to drudge through someone's honor roll achivements at the moment.

Taro Mokuta is the son of late security officer Yamato Mokuta, and his also-recently-deceased wife Yui Mokuta. Taro has a history of theft and hacking in the computer industry. (Recent searches he's run) He has created over forty-five viruses currently infecting the net-

"HIIIIIIIIIII!"

Eh!

Abruptly, a voice blares like a bullhorn out of my computer's speakers and I leap backwards, sending my chair over with the involuntary flapping of my wings. The large chibi which has suddenly appeared on the screen smirks, it's eyes disappearing into upside-down U shapes.

"I know I'd find you on here." The chibi leans back on it's hands casually, looking bored. "Having fun? You haven't looked at the newspaper articles yet. If you did, me stalking you might make a bit more sense, but since you're Hikari and hate taking advice, I'll leave you to your own devices."

I'd thank you to do just that and get out of here you figment of someone's warped imagination.

"By the way, I set a virus up on here for you to discover. But I don't think I'll trigger it. Aren't I nice?" It grins cheekily, and I suddenly realize that it looks a lot like the anime character "Ed" from Cowboy Bebop. That's rather disturbing, either that Taro knows of it or the fact that I still can't determine the gender.

Abruptly, it just vanishes from the screen as quickly as it appeared, not even waving a hand to give any hint. Strange creation.

It's started raining now outside. I can hear it and imagine the snow becoming slush even though it doesn't sound like it's coming down very hard. Back to busines however.

The newspaper articles.

I click on the first and come up with a tabloid headline.

"Freak accident due to psychotic white angel! Kills one, but not the last!"-

Congratulation Krad, you always wanted to make the tabloids didn't you? That's quite a bad picture though... I KNOW he doesn't look that much like me and those wings look like they were pasted on with bad clip art.

I can't resist the urge to look up and make sure the wings don't really look that moronic. Safe so far in any case. I click on the next link.

"One killed in tragic stakeout."-

"There was a commotion and a tragedy as our defender of art and therefore enemy of the imfamous Phantom Thief Dark Mousy, killed a police officer who ventured too close. The thief and defender were engaged in a furious battle and apparently didn't see, or didn't care that Yamato Mokuta, 52, was standing just in the shadows, ready to cuff the thief when the timing was appropriate and Krad, as the white-winged angel is currently being called, had captured him. Mokuta had been cautioned before on his overeager tendencies, but this time they came to a tragic end. A stray energy blast caught the man by surprise, killing him instantly as it impacted. Mokuta leaves behind a 16 year old son, Taro and a grieving wife Yui. Obituary on next page."-

Civilian casualties... why couldn't Krad value innocent lives as much as he claimed to value his 'Tamer'?

He just didn't... that's the only answer.

In the next link, I find exactly what I expected.

"Yui Mokuta, 49, passed away in her sleep at 3:23 am, Thursday night. After her late husband, Yamato Mokuta's death, she had been "withdrawn, pale and ill" according to her teenaged son, whom she leaves behind with her death."

An orphan. Both parents taken by Krad, defender of the art, psychotic angel at large. Typically, he's vengeful.

I don't blame him for stalking me. However, Risa shouldn't be brought into this, whatever that offhand comment he made meant. There's no harm he can do to me, and I don't know what he hopes to accomplish by bothering Risa. He'll probably get his ear talked off, and for that I pity him. I pity him for his loss as well but... there's nothing I can do. He doesn't want money I assume, since his father was rich and he's an only child. There can be no great fun in trying to hurt me, which he hasn't attempted yet, and if he does, he'll fail. One of the remnants of Krad/Dark was the speed one would teach the other.

So what can he do to me? It's not like he can hire Dark...

My wings tremble suddenly with the memory of being thrown against a boulder with Dark standing over my unmoving body, demanding that Daisuke let him kill me. It's Krad's memory... and yet when I woke up it stayed with me. Daisuke could have said "bugger the whole thing" and that point and let Dark kill me.

But he didn't.

I wonder--

"Hiwatari-kuuuuuuun!" A yell comes from the window, dragging my name out as if I can't hear the echoes bouncing around the entire neighborhood. Pushing the chair away from the computer after carefully closing the database (in case this is some elaborate hacking organization.) and stalk over to the window, ready to shoot out a glare at whatever moronic fangirl feels the need to stand on the fire escape stairway and holler at me. Why didn't whoever it is come up the main-- oh, they lock the doors at 11:00 for the night in the main building.

The fangirl is wrapped up tightly in a black coat in the slush at one of the platforms on the stairway; a bright red scarf thrown around her neck against the background of the coat.

"Hello?"

"Hi!" She turns to smile at me and there's no mistaking her angelic brown eyes. My glare just... melts away in the heat of her smile.

...tell me I did not just think that. This is Risa, ditzy Risa, boy-obsessed Risa, annoying Risa, hates-boys-with-glasses Risa, standing-on-my-stairway-in-the-melting-snow-looking-beautiful Risa.

I hate horomones. HATE them. Heaven knows why I was blessed with so many...

"I'm still here you know!" She yells, shattering my mental conversation. She seems to do a lot of that...

"Can I come up?" She continues.

Inwardly, I wince and scream 'NO! NEVER! GO AWAY!'. Outwardly, I nod, because horomones and politeness rule evidently.

"One moment."

Darting back inside the apartment, my mind immediately starts going through a mental checklist.

All Risa-unseeable things hidden?

Check.

Horomones under control?

Currently finding something other then Risa to think about... octopi, popsicles, toasters, igloos...

Okay, check.

It is now safe to open the door. Where Risa stands, having just clambored in the window, her breath coming in large, white puffs.

"You need... a better system... of getting in and out... of your apartment..." She wheezes, gripping the doorway in an undignified manner.

"I usually use the door. If you had called politely to say you were coming, I could have asked the doormen to stay longer."

"You're in a bad mood aren't you? And I asked you earlier today, at lunch, if you wanted to study tonight and you said yes. Isn't that as good as calling?"

"When was this?" I must have been thinking about something more important. Taro, perhaps? --Otherwise, I never would've agreed. Even if I had wanted to.

Which I don't.

My sentances keep getting more and more disjointed when she's around. It's starting to get on my nerves.

"Lunch! So don't accuse me of being rude!" Ah, Risa is still on the issue of her coming over. No matter, we'll study, she'll leave, and the apartment will be peacefully silent again.

She must be infecting me. She's becoming the annoying voice in the back of my head, talking happily at me while both bringing up and drowning out memories of Krad. Even so, I never would have agreed to a private sudy session with her before.

Before what, I don't know. Before she appeared with her psycho babble. Before... feelings that I just don't get. She's certainly not PRETTY enough for me to be attracted for her, merely for that fact.

I have seen beautiful women, my 'father' often dated then. Many of Dark's girlfriends were beautiful. Risa Harada does not rank.

But then what IS it? It can't be her personality that awakens these... feelings, or semblances of them. How does someone like Risa slip under my defenses when they keep out everyone else? Maybe she's slipped under my notice for so long as superficial and hollow that--

"Satoshi?"

Glancing up at the sound of her voice, I notice that Risa has discovered and taken over the table, flooding it with geometry, chemistry, and some social studies books.

This will be a long night won't it.

(divider)

"And so the variable _x_ goes here?"

"Yes."

For the millionth time tonight. Risa nods thoughtfully, and starts work on the next problem. It's slow going for her, she FLEW through the geometry questions, but the moment the chemistry book was opened, her brain seemed to hit the floor. As did her jaw when she realized I had already finished the questions in the chapter. And the next for that matter.

"Sometimes I could swear you're not human!" She sulked in frustration.

Ironically, so can I.

"By the way," She states coolly, flipping the long braid of hair hanging over her shoulder back. "I met someone at school today." Her tone is deadpan, but she wouldn't have mentioned it if it didn't matter to her. I just have to wait a few seconds until the rest spills out.

"His name is Mokuta, Taro Mokuta, a junior. He came and found me after school and walked me home, said you two knew each other already." She looks ever-so-slightly ticked off that she wasn't told of our aquaintanceship before and I mentally sweatdrop at contracting her anger, the disease it is...

Wait, why do I even care if she's mad? I've made entire police stations infuriated at me, I'm a disappointment to the Hikari family, Hikaris and Niwas are sworn enemies and I'm worried about the opinion of one insignificant Risa Harada? There's ridiculous, and then there's INSANE. I believe this crosses the line.

"We met today. "

Good, concise, me, terse. I don't sound like an idiot. I never had to censor my sentances for idiocy before SHE showed up. Why now? Why her?

But Risa doesn't notice, continuing with what may as well be a monologue.

"He's interesting, I'm surprised I haven't seen him before; but he says he's had some family trouble so I guess that explains it. Did you know his parents are both dead? It's so tragic, he has to live on his own like..." She hesitates and I almost want to yell 'just SAY IT already!'.

"Like you Satoshi."

Wonderful. The fangirl-wonder lives independantly and it's tragic. Don't expect me to bring over a casserole. My apologies, Mokuta just strikes me as a little strange; relating me and Krad instantly, speaking as though he's going to be stalking me and/or Risa, seeming to have both a public and private personality...

Such a strange list of characteristics. Suspicious, even. If I still had a 'black book' of suspicious people, he'd be in it. And circled in red.

"--don't you think so Satoshi-kun?"

"Hm?"

Abruptly, Risa's talking has screeched to a halt. A bad sign that she asked me something while I wasn't listening. At this point, Daisuke would probably say something along the lines of "oopsie!" and apologize for not listening.

The word "oopsie" is never going to slip out of my mouth, no matter what the situation.

"Weren't you listening?" Risa 'asks' patiently.

Honesty is the best policy, as was drilled into my head.

"No."

Insert dramatic sigh from Risa.

Whoever originally said honesty was the best policy never had any relation with the opposite gender.

Risa has stolen Glare #36: "The glare for the not-paying-attention and therefore worthy of immediate death."

It's actually kind of frightening that she has mastered that complicated a glare in this short a period of time. Who gave her permission to use my glares?

"I SAID," She repeats huffily. "That we're all going out tomorrow. Daisuke, Riku, me, you and Taro. To study at the library for our group project. Are you listening now Hiwatari-kun?"

"Yes, I'm listening. " A snap has crept into my tone, and I suddenly find myself sliding backwards into a bad mood at her assumption that I'll automatically go with them. What right does she have to make plans with this... TARO, and expect me to follow like a dog? I'm not her toy!

Satoshi, she's not Krad. She's not forcing you. You can just NOT GO, and she can leave you and your excessive paranoia to keep each other company.

"Okay then, we'll meet you there!" She says happily (assuming I'll go of course), and melting all protests rising in my throat by flashing a sweet smile that's outlined in dark red lipstick. The color of a rose in that 'Phantom' movie a while ago...

Bad Satoshi. Stop thinking about kissing her. HER of all people. Remember the problem you two solved just this _morning_ concerning kissing.

This morning... that was years ago now.

"I'd better be going. Riku's going to be annoyed if I'm late. It's my turn to make dinner and she has soccer tonight."

"Then don't keep her waiting." I reply apathetically, but before the girl leaves, Risa turns back to me, her eyebrows drawn together in a frown, lips firm in a concerned pout. Argh, stop staring at me!

"Hiwatari-kun... are you doing all right?" She questions. Her eyes stare almost through mine, the way you would look through a window, passing right through me, heart and soul and pain. It's all I can do not to look away, from guilt or any number of other things. Also, it's hard to lie when she's driving a jackhammer through my defenses.

"I'm fine Harada-kun."

"It's Risa. Are you sure? Don't lie." She repeats, that nervous look still in her eyes.

Don't lie. She knows, she knows that I'm not... I'm not really fine. Why couldn't she just leave me alone! Why doesn't she?

How does she know I'm lying, how does she know that I WOULD lie, _do _lie about myself...?

"Because if there's anything on your mind, I'm always here." She continues in her assurances, oblivious to the fact that behind my blank expression, she's driving me insane.

"No, I'm really fine... Risa."

And even though I'm sure she knows that I'm not okay, and there's no reason left to hide the obvious fact, I can't trust her.

Lover of Dark, loved by Daisuke, selfish, shallow little girl, so empty, so hollow like me. You only thought of yourself and sometimes your sister, while everything I did was for others. You were free to love, free with your love, bouncing from one rising prospect to another. I could never love or care because I would set him free, couldn't let anyone care about me, couldn't let anyone worry...

I envied you for your casual affection of all, for the way you could sum up your feelings, for the way you could lean on your sister, Daisuke, even Dark. Dark just pitied occasionally, never actually helped me; taunted and pulled me apart at the seams instead. And yet with all these people who helped you, you couldn't go two seconds without reminding me that I was 'not your type'? It didn't matter then, but now you want to be my friend.

Want me to tell you everything about myself when you did nothing but hate me before.

You can be involuntarily cruel to those close to you Risa Harada. I won't be thrown away when you've had your fun by being 'playmates' with the icy commander. I won't be, because I'll never be close to you.

I don't have to love you. I don't have to love anyone!

...love?

Aside from that, who's to say that you wouldn't bolt whenever Dark returned anyway? Though you might say you care about me; if Dark suddenly returned, like a life preserver thrown to a drowning swimmer, how quickly would you let me fall? But I won't explain any of this to you, silly meanderings of thought that they are. Because even as I orchestrate the words in my mind, it makes absolutely no sense and you couldn't comprehend my meaning.

"Penny for your thoughts Sato-chan!"

The voice interrupts my thoughts like an earthquake, sending them all out of order into a clattering jumble. Risa's been standing there, silently, for almost a minute as I zoned off on another planet. She brightens as I re-enter the atmosphere.

"Ah, sumimasen, there... is nothing wrong with me Risa."

"Okay... that's good then."

She moves toward the door and I can't help but halt her, asking,

" 'Sato-chan'?"

"It's cute!" She says, smirking. "Besides, you have been dressed as a girl on a few occasions."

"I try to avoid that whenever possible, and do not appreciate nicknames based on the appearence of my disguises."

"But you've gained one anyway. See you at school Sato-chan!"

And she skips off merrily into the snow. Such a strange girl.

As a wave of exhaustion washes over me, I fall onto the couch in an undignified manner. Finally, but unexpectedly, my wings shrink back into my back, leaving feathers strewn around the room like little testimonies of life.

I can almost hear Krad in my head...

**'So, the snow begins to melt...'**

(divider)

Edit: sheesh, long time, no update. No matter! It's up now.

Oh, and having read DNAngel 7 yesterday, I apologize for Satoshi's OOCness. :snickers: I like him and Daisuke fighting during the practices and reading in deadpan tones... mweeheeheehee.

Please review! If I can get up to 200 reviews on this fic, it'll be a new record for me. :le gasp: Be a part! Review!


	12. Chapter 12: Risa

Disclaimer: I'm not going to tell you again! NOT MINE!

Whee! It's FINALLY up! :dances: Thanks for all your reviews, and for new readers too. Sorry you found it before it was finished Mimi-san. :sighs: I've done that with way too many fics as well...

(divider)

After dinner, which didn't actually happen since Riku missed a big goal in her game and Mom, Dad and her had to go out to make her feel better about it and I ended up eating cold ramen, there's nothing to do but study and think.

"And the variable _X_ goes into the products that add up to Krad when the Dark factor is introduce--"

WHAT?

Not only did that not make sense, but Krad and Dark got in there...

Oh heck with math, I'm going to bed.

(divider)

Silence.

Unfortunately, not in MY mind.

Satoshi was so quiet when I left... and so distracted while I was there! Was it something I said? I know I started started talking about how Wiz was getting along with Marron but that didn't upset him!

--why would that upest him Risa?

"Arghhhhhh!"

I flop back on my bed, quietly so not to wake up my sister, staring at the ceiling glumly. There are 18 cracks in my ceiling, one spiderweb which I am NOT going near, and a picture of Dark.

Jerk.

He goes off and gets himself sealed, so he's not here to help me with my problems! No pun intended...

...and 20 (40?) years is such a long time to wait for him. I'll be ancient by then! Satoshi wouldn't want me by then, much less Dark.

Why did I think Satoshi? Risa, you are officially losing it.

"Tap."

Yup, you've lost it.

My gaze shoots over to the window where... TARO is sitting?! I run over to it, staring at him like he's nuts.

Check that, he IS nuts! It's 11:00!

"Risa!" His voice is muffled through the glass, but it's clear enough to tell that he just said my FIRST name.

"Open the window!" He continues.

How dare he?! What makes him think he has the right to call me by my first name!? The jerk!

I throw the window open, about to give him a piece of my mind. We are NOT that close!

"Look, how dare you call me by my fir--"

His lips are pressed against mine and I feel my body freezing up. His kiss is captivating...

like a thief...

He breaks the kiss almost as suddenly as he gave it, smiling at me faintly.

"Because I like you, no... even though we only met today, I believe I'm in love with you." He says this all with that impossible, innocent smile.

"M-Mokuta-kun..."

"Iie." He puts his finger over my lips and the gesture makes cold shivers run down my spine, wonderful and frightening.

"Taro. Call me Taro." His green eyes smile as I trip over the word. All my rage is bolting at a rapid rate. Taro is sweet and, not to sound shallow, but he's amazingly attractive. Even though he's new, girls are flocking to him. And he's interested in ME.

It's not like I'm involved...

Satoshi wouldn't care. He doesn't care about anyone. Right?

"Taro... I like you too. A lot." The words sound amazingly stupid and clumsy coming out of my mouth, but he doesn't appear to care. Actually he looks... relieved?

"May I walk you to school tomorrow, my princess?" He says slyly, a burning red strand of his hair falling lazily over one jade green eye.

"I'll be here." I say too quickly, feeling my breath catch in my throat at the thought of walking together with him...

"Excellent. I would stay longer but... sleep clouds your eyes. You must not be tired tomorrow. Goodnight!" He slides off the ledge after this monologue, and darts into the night.

Feelings are such fickle creatures.

But I think I'm in love with him.

"So, you're not picking up Hiwatari tomorrow?" The question comes from my sister, who evidently was woken up by my romantic renzdevous.

"It's not like I have to pick Hiwatari up every day. I'm sure he can get to school by himself." I answer, turning to face her. Riku shrugs lightly.

"But I thought--"

"I'm going to walk with Taro."

Just the sound of his name! So lovely! Like angels in a choir...

And he likes me...

I didn't announce it first. HE likes ME. He's the first to ever feel that way and tell me...

I'm in heaven as I fall back on my bed, sinking into the covers.

Taro...

(divider)

I wake up this morning on a cloud... I float down to the kitchen, make breakfast in a Taro-induced daze, and float back up the stairs. I pull on the prettiest shirt I own, a light blue one with tiny white flowers cascading down it like a waterfall. I can swear that I'd wait all day for him to show up and he could come at 8:00 tonight and I wouldn't even be mad... I pull my hair into a bun, grabbing the hair chopsticks to affix it in place and beam at my reflection, but it vanishes and my reflection's eyes go wide as the moon when I hear the doorbell ring.

He's here!

I run downstairs, opening the door smoothly as his hand is lifting to knock again.

"H-hey Taro-kun." I greet him brightly, hoping he doesn't notice my voice is shaky and nervous.

"Ohayo gozaimasu, shirahime-chan." He says gallently, offering me his arm. I don't even feel like we're going to school! I take it nervously, shutting the door behind me, only to realize I've forgotten my books. The very reason we're GOING to school!

Now, how to say this without sounding like a Taro-obsessed idiot?

"U-um, Taro-kun, I forgot something, I'll be right back!"

I zoom inside before he can comment, grabbing my books and a jacket and speeding out to where he's waiting. I smile sheepishly and feel my cheeks going red.

"Heh heh... s-sorry..."

"No!" He looks surprised that I'm apologizing. "Anything for you Risa-chan." He smiles sweetly and I can feel the blush darkening. This feeling...

--is NOTHING like what I felt with Satoshi.

And speaking of Satoshi, he appears at that moment. Which is odd, he usually doesn't come in front of my house on his way to school... but Satoshi's his own person. If he wants to walk by my house, that's his own business. I lift my hand to wave though, feeling a tug as Taro pulls me close to his side.

Wow...

All thoughts of waving fly out of my mind as I glance up at Taro, seeing him smile down at me again, red hair with it's radiant brown mix framing his face, for lack of a better word, adorably.

Abruptly remembering myself, I look for Satoshi again, feeling guilty, but he's already walked on. Well, that was kind of rude... but then again, he usually is. Cold, frigid Satoshi.

With this consolation, my guilt lingers only a second, before it returns to more important things.

Like Taro.

(divider)

All right, since I figure I should explain this:

Q: Isn't Risa and Taro's relationship moving a little too fast? She's sounding really shallow again!

A: No, she's not becoming shallow. But this is a girl who went for Dark Mousy for a) his good looks, and b) his sweep-you-off-your-feet personality. Dark's a prince to her, and now Taro appears, gallent and noble (apparently), so she's bound to be attracted to him. AND it's really flattering to have someone tell you that they love you first, instead of you making the first move. (don't ask, I have no love life, I just make this up).

I apologize for the long no-update time... lack of ideas and laziness. Holidays can do that to people... heh heh heh. Happy holidays to all by the way!

Reviewwwww!


	13. Chapter 13: Satoshi

Disclaimer: Not mine!

I'm sorrrryyyy! I apologize for the errors in the last chapter... I don't have any major plans for either of those things... I just overlooked them entirely. I'll go back and fix 'em later... great job to you two for catching them! And yeah, the pace is kind of random... sorry...

heehee, and now, another thing to apologize for! This chapter is really short... and I skipped time...

Edit: I think I fixed all the errors! And let's see if we can't make this chapter a little longer...

(divder)

I feel... betrayed.

_Well, that's a strong way of putting it isn't Satoshi? You aren't betrayed, you're simply alone again, the same way it's always been and always should be._

But I know Risa... or I'd like to think I can peer into her silly, girlish psyche occasionally. Why would she flirt with a guy like Taro? Why would she let him hug her and... blush, like a fool? She can't possibly LIKE that reject of common society, that fangirl-attracting player? She's smarter then that!

_Are you sure? You know only a little about her, she knows much more about you. What you think, how you feel, your sadness, how you're ALONE, how you care about her--_

Shut up! She doesn't know that! She'll NEVER know that!

NEVER!

The voice of an imaghined Krad in my head just echoes and echoes, painful and stabbing... I hate him. I hate him, I hate him, and I hate every word he ever said!

I shoot a glare at a passing mailbox, simply because I can. Attention world: Satoshi Hiwatari is in a bad mood! Or would that be a Krad mood? The two walk hand in hand, like lovers on an eternally sunset beach in a rose-tinted world.

_Charming metaphor Satoshi-sama. Did you forget that your crush is off with Taro? Daydreams and metaphors won't steal her away from him._

Right. Talking to her... might solve it, might keep her from falling all over Taro. Might...

Maybe...

Perhaps...

Or I could just forget her. Forget it all. I was content before she entered my life, before she decided I needed a purpose! Everything would be fine without you, Risa Harada!

So go back in your shell, I can do bloody well without... you...

_I'm_

not

_going_

to

_be_

able

_to_

live

_without_

her...

(divider)

School is agony, shoved inside a textbook, and called 'educational'. Not to mention that none of it is new to me. To uphold the Hiwatari name, my 'father' told me school was essential.

Boredom was essential to my development as a defender of art?

Pathetic. I use half the time glaring at the teacher when she doesn't watch (#110 for my mental log, the Glare of Forced Imprisonment and/or Participation), detesting every social activity she tosses me into and the brazen overtures of my fangirls.

(AN: I'm probably the only person who has ever used 'brazen overtures in a fanfic'. I am very, very proud of that.)

But today, I can't seem to glare. Not when... I hear the quiet whisperings of Risa and Mokuta (HOW did he get in this class so quickly? Do all the teachers have a network with this angst-filled psycho or is he just skipping classes? I would have seen him before if he was in this class...); their giggling, or rather, RISA's giggling, is driving me mad.

But I can't glare at her. Not when she hasn't done anything to me, not when she's perfectly innocent of any crime I could pin on her.

Daisuke's oblivious. I didn't know he could be so enamoured of Riku, so blank to EVERYTHING around him!

Not... that I'd WANT him to notice...

I don't need, or want, his pity! I don't need her either...

I don't!

Argh...

"Ahh... dannng..." Risa drawls out the word like a country star, making a small 'chuff' of annoyance as she plunks her chin onto her hands, pouting. It's amazing, how this method of hers works, or rather, how she thinks it will work.

Upon not understanding the material, she's going to sit here and think about something random until the concept dawns on her like the hidden words in a crossword puzzle, whereupon she hurriedly starts scribbling down the answers. The scary part is, this actually works sometimes.

However, the majority of the time, it doesn't and she maintains her steady C average..

Why does she have to be so cute?

My mind is using words like cute again; fluffy, happy words that belong only in other people's vocabulary. Daisuke's, Riku's, Risa's, even Saehara's!

I thought I was different... colder then them. That's who I am, and I can't let these silly traces of their lives slip into my thoughts.

I'm untouchable!

But...

... the 'untouchable' wants nothing more then to tur around to face Risa Harada's desk and work with her until she has an excellent grasp of material. Curses.

Against my will, I can feel my eyes darting back in their own private mutiny to soak in her confused expression. She's so...

She glances up at me, smiling hesitantly, a bit awkwardly. As typical as it would be for me to ignore the sounds of her befuddlement, her eyes catching mine in bewilderment, the faint blush rising on her cheeks; this time however my mind is yelling that I should be nice and chivalrous and pretend like nothing happened with Mokuta. Nothing DID happen with Mokuta that would concern me. He's her friend... and it wouldn't bother me at all if he was anything more than that.

No, it wouldn't bother me AT ALL.

So the words tear themselves off the lining of my throat and float upwards to fly to her listening ears.

"Harada-san, do you need some--"

Just before I can say the word 'help' (ironic, isn't it? That's the one word I can never seem to say...); the now-familiar annoyance appears like a ghost, having stepped out of some dark hole where he's been hiding until just now. His arm embraces (strangles) Risa's waist immediately, pulling her closer to him. Risa jumps at his sudden presence, looking up at him in startlement.

"T-Taro!"

Her shock melts into joy and I could almost scream at her look of elation. Why does she only look that way for him-- what do I care! Frustrating little thought trails...

"Risa, do you want me to help you? This is such a tricky concept to grasp..." Mokuta purrs, glancing over the book while still holding her close. Risa nods enthusiastically, going crimson with embarrassment.

"Sure! I really don't get it..." She returns her attention to me sheepishly and smiles in apology.

"Sorry Hiwatari, Taro will help me. Thanks anyway."

At least she heard me. Though Mokuta glaring at me over her shoulder has obviously gone unnoticed to her.

"Okay, so let's get these problems done!" Mokuta interrupts the moment of silence with an enthusiasm that would put army commandos to shame. Over-eager to get her away from my influence, no doubt.

The odd couple return to studying, and I turn back to my own (completed) work; my own thoughts of Krad's voice laughing at me with overexaggerated glee.

_'Can't say you didn't TRY Satoshi-sama. Can't say you didn't TRY. You did attempt to capture her attention, but you're no match for his charm. Perhaps Dark should give you a few lesson--'_

Evidently my imaginings have a cruel sense of humor, and I return my attention to the task at hand: waiting for this infernal class to come to a close.

It's then that my memory calls up what Risa said last night.

The study session after school. Just Mokuta, Daisuke, Riku, herself and I.

Joy unending.

(divider)

It's years before the school day ends, years of soft whispers between Risa and Mokuta, furtive glances and hidden smiles. Why am I paying attention? Because I lack anything better to do, such as schoolwork, and I seem to take a perverse enjoyment in twisting the invisible knife ever-deeper into my stomach with every moment.

It's painfully obvious to me that she's more than a friend. Will she ever figure that out?

Not with Mokuta on the case.

Only one shining eternal study session and I'm free.

Free to fall into my apartment and wonder why I wasn't given/taught enough social graces to win (WIN? Shouldn't I have merely decided he can keep the hyper-active child?) back Risa from Mokuta's grasp. Free to ponder what my next move will be. Free to take something that will make me sleep like a child and stop the pain for a minute.

Only an eternity away.

Opening the door to the school library, it's easy to spot them. Daisuke's hair would stand out in a New York City rave, so finding him in the almost-empty library is simple. He grins up at me when I walk up, the other three too preoccupied with studying.

"Satoshi! Glad you could come." He pushes a couple of wizened books that have probably seen better days towards me and pulls out a chair. I sit down, reflexedly reaching to push up my glasses like I always do when I'm studying.

I should've remembered; they're still broken. I'll pick them up on the way back to the house. The red-head next to me noticed the action and smiles apologetically.

"Um... my mom's still sorry about that..."

"It's all right."

Even though it's a nightmare trying to read unfamiliar material. I've been pulled into this mess because Daisuke and Riku are partners in a project on the effect of the Korean War on Japanese culture. Not a very widely discussed venue, so they've dragged out all the books they can find and hope for long passages, on which they (or any classmates they drag in) can take notes.

I'm making my way through the fourth chapter of "Great Wars and their Problems" when I feel the unmistakable glare of someone across the table. Of course when I glance up, it's Mokuta. Like a gargoyale, his eyes are boring into me, little fires of fury alight behind them. Risa, oblivious, studies on.

Mokuta twitches his neck in the universal symbol for 'over here', then stands.

"Hey, I think there might be some stuff on the computer about this. Hiwatari, wanna check it out with me?"

I nod, as is expected, and follow him to the computer. The boy glances one way, then the other, finally turning his complete attention to me.

"Look, I don't know what your game is with Risa but as of now, she's mine Hikari. My girlfriend. Get it?"

"I doubt she's yours if you feel the need to refer to her as a possession." This guy has no idea what he's talking about. Risa would behead him if she thought she was nothing more than a trophy in his eyes.

"Don't talk to me about treating people like objects!" A 'shhhhh!' echoes through the library and Mokuta lowers his voice.

"I know all about you Hikaris; how you hurt people, how you never laugh or cry, how you're inhuman monsters with that-that-that KRAD person defending your precious 'art'. Even if I did treat Risa the way you say, I'd still be far, far better then you."

Seething. Quietly, quietly, secretly seething.

"She doesn't think you're right for her anyway. Don't you remember, Risa doesn't care for guys with glasses." He pauses, then smirks, continuing.

"And the blind ones probably aren't high on her list either."

"You have no idea who she is do you? She's beautiful, irritating, helpful, considerate, occasionally whiny, sympathetic, lonely . . . you don't see any of that, do you?"

Those words shouldn't have been said, I realize that right after Mokuta's face changes into an even-more developed smirk.

"I have a perfect idea of who she is. She's a pretty girl who is easily swept onto cloud 9 with a few nice words and a promise of forever. She needed a Prince Charming and couldn't be bothered to chase after you. I win Hikari." He turns to stalk back to the table, having said his piece.

"Obviously," He says over his shoulder, as casually as possible. "This means I want you to stay away from her."

"No. You may think she is under your control, but I am certainly not."

"Come near her and you'll regret it. There is an absence of feeling for you Hikari. She won't even look up at you when we come back. Face it, you were just a placeholder till I appeared."

He's so confident in her obsession with him. How could anyone cultivate a relationship like that, overnight, with no prior friendship? As we near the table, her head lifts, her face lighting up as she sees Mokuta. He grins back at her.

"You're back Taro." She says, then he promptly takes wo quick steps forward, crossing the remaining space betwee them, and kisses her fully. Their lips are crushed together, his hair brushing over hers. I can feel the knife inside myself joined by a thousand needles dancing over my body.

She never once looked at me.

There... there are five people in this group. That's one too many.

I-I should go, I think I'm going to be sick...

I don't remember running out of the library and out of the school, but by the time I reach the optical store, one of my shoes is missing and my sock is red with blood from some rock I must have stepped on. My panic took me almost a mile, and the sleepy people inside the waiting room are giving me strange looks; one elderly man pulling his book away nervously as I pant in exhaustion. I can't sink to the floor... can't degrade myself in that fashion.

Just get the glasses and leave.

The doctor comes out with my glasses after I give the name and money to his rather-frightened receptionist, who looks at me as though I've dropped in from another planet. He hands them over to me gingerly, as probably suits my appearence of a deranged teenager who might pull out a gun and go postal on everyone. But even as I slide the familiar frames on, something is wrong.

"Everything's blurry..."

Shifting uncomfortably, the doctor reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tissue, holding it out to me with a calloused hand.

"Well... that might be because of the tears in your eyes, son."

T-tears . . . ?

How-how could I be crying!

Abruptly, I'm aware of the eyes that are all staring at me, wondering what's wrong with the psychotic child. I can feel my skin alight with shame, hot wetness streaming from my eyes. Stumbling backwards, the world's still blurry and I have only one choice. I bolt like a wounded animal, tearing out of the office and into the streets, towards the safety of blackness.

Faster.

Faster.

Fall. Get up.

Ignore the pain.

Run again.

Up the stairs and to the door. Throw it open, slam it closed.

Sink against it.

. . . cry.

(divider)

No POV:

"Hey, was that the Hiwatari child I just saw bolting down that hallway? That's less than common..." One of the teachers commented to her friend and reclined luxuriously in the teachers' lounge armchair, having just entered the room. Her male coworker shrugged, coffee machine perking loudly as he answered.

"You know how these kids are. Stress and all that."

"More than likely. I've heard the poor boy lives alone though. You don't think... he'd do anything drastic would--"

"The Hiwatari boy? Never." The male teacher poured a cup of coffee, shaking his head.

"I suppose he'll just cope with it then..." She replied hesitantly as her coworker took a sip of his coffee.

"Gah, HOT!" There was a chibi moment as he ran around in circles, fanning his mouth frantically. The other teacher laughed, forgetting about her worry in favor of the entertainment of the other teacher.

(divider)

Wow, this was typed in one sitting! (which explains why it's so short!) I'm wrapping up the fic though! next chapter will probably be the last... thanks for reviews! Please review some more!

Edit: I hope you like changes, because I added completely new scenes in here. -gasp- I feel like I'm writing a movie! And yes, more Satoshi abuse. But you all know there'll be a happy ending.

... if I don't change that little fact too. XD Review!

By the way, try Tsunami99 on GaiaOnline if you want to find me. Whee!


	14. Chapter 14: Risa

Disclaimer: Not mine!

Okay, and moving right along!

Thanks for all the reviews, sorry for the errors (this is usually typed on a palm pilot with no spellcheck and my computer hates Microsoft Word with a vengeance. So, I just upload and hope there aren't many errors in my typing. Sorry!)

Edit: This chapter has been crossed over with the previous one in terms of timing. Forgive the confusion, it should still be pretty clear to follow.

(divider)

Risa's POV:

"Hey, when did Satoshi leave?" I look around, expecting to see him appear at any moment. Taro shrugs lightly.

"Guess he had to go. Should you really be calling him Satoshi?"

"He calls me Risa. And why would he leave without even saying goodbye?"

"You got me. Should you really let him call you Risa? It's a level of intimacy that I think only truly close to you people should enjoy..." He leaning in, smiling sweetly. I really don't understand why Satoshi seems to hold such animosity against him! Taro's as nice a guy as they come.

"You're so selfish! I'm not going to make him call me Harada-san just to suit you." I poke at him playfully but he leans back in his chair. He's been a little... odd since we began going out. (Was it only the other night he told me he loved me?) He's all affection whenever Satoshi is around but when he's not, Taro always seems strangely aloof.

Of course I still like him, but... I could do without the weirdness.

And the weirdness of Satoshi! He knows better than to bolt in the middle of a study session without even saying goodbye. Maybe he didn't want to be the odd one out...?

But that's never bothered him before. Maybe I'll go check in on him after we finish up with this. I don't want to leave him thinking that I don't care about him. Even if Taro wants to go out tonight, the movie tickets can wait until afterwards.

Satoshi's more important.

Well, this time anyway. I really want to know what's going on with him…

(divider)

Our study session finally wraps up, but I don't know if we knew any more then when we started. Taro's sighing dramatically, since I've just told him that I'm going to go see Satoshi.

Why does it bother him so much? It's not like I'm being uncommonly nice, I'm just worried.

He saw that kiss with Taro and-- I don't know why I even think it would bother him. He kissed me when he didn't love me, right?

It doesn't matter. Our group heads out of the library, Daisuke and Riku heading off in one direction.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Taro asks politely, books slung over his shoulder as he smiles. "Even though he's probably fine. Hiwatari's not one to get upset so easily, he probably just realized he had something else he needed to do."

I blink.

"I never said he'd be upset. I was just concerned because he left without saying goodbye. Did you say something to upset him?"

It's interesting, in a kind of morbid, Satoshi-like way, to watch his face redden.

"Nope. Nothing he would take offense at. He was the one being offensive if anything... the things he said about you..." Taro says, then shakes his head but it's not like I didn't hear that. Satoshi said things about me?

"What kind of things?" Can't stop myself from asking, even though a tiny voice is shrieking that I don't want to know.

"He was talking about how irritating you were, that whiny tone in your voice which only HE seems to hear. He practically welcomed me to you, denied all affection for you; I'm afraid I couldn't control myself and... I told him off. He had no right to talk about you like that. After I did that, I guess he stalked off."

Satoshi... Satoshi disliked me? Insulted me? And Taro defended me... I can feel anger rising in my stomach and have to hold myself back. Not now Risa, not now…

"How COULD he?!" I explode. "I've been nothing if not nice to him! Why does he have to be like that? I mean, he never appeared to..."

Taro opens his arms and I press into them, feeling his heart beat against my head. My nose scrunches up as I fight back the rising tears that belong in some melodrama. It's not _fair_! Why does he hate me if all I'm trying to do is help him? I even thought... I even...

Bloody footprints from where I'm standing, facing Satoshi's apartment, stream toward the apartment in a haphazard run. Satoshi's...? Well, they're the right size.

I'm thinking about his SHOE size when the guy just said he hates me! Get a GRIP Risa! Why does he have to be such a jerk!

Why did I ever like that idiot?

(divider)

I come home alone, Taro had an appointment he had to go to; promising me that he'd check in later, that I 'wasn't to do anything drastic, Satoshi was just wrong was all, he didn't see the side of me that Taro did.' It doesn't help with the scathing fact that when Taro and Satoshi were alone, the first thing Satoshi did was start tearing me apart.

He-he really seemed to enjoy my company at times, when we didn't have spats or were trying to avoid being 'coupled' by his over-eager and over-jealous fanclub. Sometimes his eyes lost the 'lost' look that they carry all the time...

...or maybe that was just me. But I could swear, sometimes, he cared. He caught me when I tripped, offered to help me, studied with me. The list goes on and on! Would someone who hates me so much go through all that, simply to get me out of their hair? He almost seemed to be doing the opposite; _allowing_ me inside, _allowing_ me to see a part of him that people almost never even catch a glimpse of.

A human part.

The phone makes its way into my hand.

I'll just check.

(divider)

No POV:

-Ring-

... the immaculate, cold-as-steel room is silent.

-Ring-

One piercing blue eye opens hesitantly, burning in the direction of the phone. She's calling, just to be friends. Or to help her plan for a date with Mokuta. How was he sucked into the same problem as Niwa? HOW?! He wasn't so easily manipulated...

An arm rose to shield the eyes from the world again. He didn't want to think about this yet.

-Rr---

It stopped ringing, the cord having been untimely ripped from the wall and lying lifeless on the carpet as if a murder had been committed.

(divider)

Risa's POV:

He didn't answer the phone. Disconnected it probably. I have little doubt that Satoshi has caller id, judging by his tone when he picks up the phone. But what do I DO? I can't just leave things this way, hanging in mid-air like a shot fish (do people ever shoot fish? Oh never mind…). I can talk to him at school tomorrow, but who knows if that's soon enough?

I can feel a headache beginning to pound behind my eyes and yank my hair down from the ponytail it's been in all day so I can think better. Calling Daisuke and having him go over to counsel Satoshi isn't so bad, but-- why do I even think something's wrong with him?!

Since when does anyone in their right mind trust the bad feeling in the back of their mind and the pit of their stomach? I'm not connected to him, we have no special "bond", he's just... a friend. One who hurts me occasionally, but a friend. A friend who rips me to shreds behind my back (those are usually called traitors Risa).

Not like a boyfriend. Not like Taro at all.

"Risaaa..." Speaking of Taro, he stands just outside the window now, smiling sweetly. "How are you doing?" He asks, with the perfect measure of sympathy and casual grace.

"I'm doing a lot better. I had some time to think through it and... Satoshi can't possibly hate me. It goes against all his actions so far, so he must have been just in a bad mood." I smile as I say this, both for Taro's benefit and my own. Even as I say it, I can feel that it's true. But there's still that sinking feeling inside me...

Taro doesn't speak for a moment. That's... a bit odd. Then he jumps back in, all wealth and smiles.

"Risa, let's go somewhere special tonight. The moon is full, the night is young, and they're showing a open-air movie at the park. It'll be beautiful, and you need to take your mind off this whole thing with Hiwatari. I made a quick stop-off at his place on the way here and he's fine. His normal, cold, cruel self." With a light shrug, he finishes off the sentence, effectively stereotyping Satoshi to a T.

"I called him and he didn't pick up."

"Well, you know how he can be. The guy's not exactly sociable. And besides," He vaults gracefully inside the window, smiling a bit hesitantly, as if I've done something. "Do we have to talk about him all the time? Sometimes you act like he's more then a friend." He looks hurt and it makes me realize... it's my fault isn't it, for liking Satoshi more...

"No, it's not that! I just... have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that he's not okay." It sounds moronic even as I say it and I wish I could cram the words back into my mouth.

"Honey, it's fine. He's fine. And your stomach, well, that'll be fine later."

He just won't talk about Satoshi. Is Taro jealous? I wouldn't expect it from him, one of the top five bishonen of Azumano High, but perhaps he is. With Taro's arm encircling me as we head off to the open-air movie, I can't help wondering how Satoshi really is. Is he truly okay? But why would Taro lie if he isn't? I just don't get it...

(divider)

"Taro?" I ask after we sit down comfortably on a blanket he brought, waiting patiently for the credits to be over so the movie can begin. He turns, looking at me adoringly in the moonlight and smiles.

"Yes?"

I've been planning this question for at least five minutes now and it's still in the processing stage.

"I-about Satoshi, are you... jealous?"

He blinks in surprise, glancing around the crowd

"You want to talk about this here?" He asks softly, raising an eyebrow as if wondering about my choice of settings or my conversation starter. I nod. No one's going to hear this, they're all paying attention to the movie, and no one will see if anything happens. Not that anything will.

"It's just, you're always so awkward when Satoshi comes up in conversation, and you say you're all right with him even though I've seen the way you two glare at each other. Are you jealous, or is there something more?" Immediately after I say it, I spot the trickle of sweat running down the side of Taro's face. The next thing I hear is a lie.

"I'm absolutely fine with Hiwatari. We glare because that's the way we discuss, it's easier that way. He's jealous and lashing out at you because you're my girlfriend and not his."

"I've summarized that much. Now I want the truth." I'm going to go out on a limb and pray that I'm wrong. I so want to be wrong, but at the same time I want to be right.

"You went out with me to hurt Satoshi."

As if his nod is a knife, I can feel some of my heart shudder in response.

"Hikari's "Krad" killed my parents. It killed my dad directly, then my mom died of grief. Am I just supposed to leave the icy, inhuman child at that?! He took everything I had, and he never goes to jail? He could've fought it! I studied this, I know these DNA alter ego whatever people don't just appear on their own!" He looks over at me and there's no more false love lurking in his eyes. There's a flicker of sadness, like an iceberg, coated with a steaming lava of anger.

"**I hate him**!" The accusation is so fierce and full of emotion, his breathing becomes raggedy and he hesitates for a moment, eyes still fuming as he does.

"So I decided to hurt him." He whispers, tragically and yet angrily as his fingers tear distractedly at the grass. "I wanted to hurt him, take away what he loved. But he didn't love anything! Not anyone!" He gives me a sideways look out of the corner of his eye, almost regretting to explain this part.

"Then you appeared. You're something important to him. Actually, you're even more then just 'something important', you're what made Krad appear in the first place. Hiwatari's perfect, beautiful, sacred maiden. He smiled early when you went on your little vendetta of 'being his friend', crumpled easily in the face of your happy influence. His DNA reacted to you. You became to him what you once were to that Niwa kid."

I was... no--! Not Satoshi's--

"You were his purpose. His Sacred Maiden." Taro says softly. I feel my legs turn to pudding beneath me even as I'm sitting and I try to push myself backwards, find something to steady myself against this latest revelation.

"How do you--"

"I know. And you are STILL his most important thing, yet mine as well. The Hikaris are used to it by now; they've always had their treasures stolen. You see, now you're MY purpose--"

"Kiyahhhh!!"

A shriek cuts through whatever else Taro was going to say and diverts our attention to the screen. My first thought... is of Dark. The silhouette of an angel, huge feathery wings and longish, wind-tossed hair. But my second thought knows that it can only be Satoshi. Because even more than I want it to be Dark, I want it to be Satoshi, here to rescue me from Taro's vendetta against Krad, here to make things right... normal.

"Stay away from her." The shadow's wings, looming large over the both of us, dwarf the small form of Hiwatari that I know they grow from, HAVE to come from. His voice is unmistakable, even when choked with something I can't recognize. Almost as if Satoshi is drowning even as he speaks, in something that I could have sworn he'd never experienced.

But it amazes me that he's actually here. Here and ANGRY by his tone.

"S-Satoshi... what are you doing here?" I stutter like an idiot. His next 'glare' is another thing about him I've never experienced. For a full moment, his entire attention is on me and I... I...

...can see the faint traces that he's been crying. Even after that fact shocks me into muteness; his unwavering gaze holds discernable traces of needing, wanting me to want him to be there, even as his burning eyes shriek for me to stay far, far away from him. I never imagined his empty blue eyes could look so sad ...but commanding at the same time. Maybe he can't shield his face from this emotion, because he's never been in this position before.

If what Taro says is true, he's never been in the position where his Sacred Maiden has been snatched away.

"You should have played no part in this plot." Satoshi states in a monotone, abruptly straightening stiffly; as if that moment had never occurred, as if I hadn't just peered into his _soul_ and found a note on the doorway asking for love. He turns to face Taro, still speaking to me.

"He was using you to get at me. My apologies Harada-san." He doesn't turn back once to look at me, steely eyes on Taro, but I can hear the real apology in his voice, verrrry subtle and sneaky.

Very _Satoshi_.

"It's still Risa." I can't help but mutter.

"So, you've come to the rescue Hikari. Terribly typical, isn't it?" Taro says; a smirk in his voice as he folds his arms.

"I don't know, or care, what you're talking about." Satoshi responds calmly, smooth and icy as usual, despite the fact he came racing in here a moment ago like a cross-country runner inches from the finish line; to rescue me from Taro.

"Oh, I think you do. Your expression gives a lot more away than you think it does. Once, you assigned a name to the sisters, you and that Niwa kid. You called them your "Sacred Maidens", didn't you? That's what she is to you. That's ALL she is to you!"

Satoshi is silent, just watching Taro. And I, as usual, seem to have no idea what's going on.

"Risa is your Sacred Maiden! That was your secret wasn't it? " Taro continues, green eyes glowing brightly with what he just yelled. People are staring at the yelling boy, the white-winged angel and the silent girl watching them both. I can feel my face starting to flame, even as Taro continues to yell, increasing in volume.

"But you stole too much from me... Krad stole the life of my father... and you are Krad! I'll steal the only thing you love, Krad Hikari!"

A visible shudder runs down Satoshi's body. A real, physical shudder that begins right after the words "You are Krad". I've never seen anyone really dealing with so much rage they actually shudder. But Satoshi's next words are the most icy I've ever heard him speak.

"I'm. Not. Him." He whispers, blue eyes boring bottomless holes into Taro's own angry ones. At the moment, I wouldn't be surprised to see electricity appear between them, like in an anime where two characters are glaring at each other. It's obvious Satoshi's fighting to control himself and Taro is anything but calm.

"Krad was sealed away with Dark. There is no more Krad and your revenge is pointless. It won't bring back your parents, only shame their memory. You would be smart to remember that. I am sorry for your loss, but your actions were wrong." His gaze turns into the color of the sea at midnight, a fuming, roiling sea.

"You stole something precious to me, and treated her as a prop in your game of revenge. She is not a toy to be given or stolen. She is not a piece of Hikari art and she's not my possession. This is the wrong way to 'hurt' me. It's a coward's way. Your father would be ashamed."

"NO!" Taro yells. "You block of ice! Don't you dare talk about my father! NEVER! I'm doing this all for him!" His voice is shattered, cracking and pain-filled as he backs up from the confrontation, looking as if he's about to cry. The tremors trace up Satoshi's spine again as he looks down at Taro.

"I'm sorry. But no one can have revenge on Krad." He says softly, but with that same warning undertone. Taro stares up and him and then just... passes out. Strangest thing I've ever seen, I can't imagine if it's exhaustion or what!

I move over to him quickly but he's completely out like a light.

Satoshi turns and I hear his quiet footsteps begin moving away from the two of us on the soft grass. People are still staring curiously, though some of them are turning back to the movie now that the interesting bit is over and the instigator of it all is leaving.

Wait a minute...

He's... leaving...

Before my mind can really kick in, I leap to my feet and yell out:

"SATOSHI HIWATARI, YOU GET BACK HERE AND HELP ME RIGHT NOW!"

That stops him in his tracks. I can almost hear the audience's heads all swiveling as one to look back at us. Satoshi blinks at me in apparent disbelief.

"What?"

I can only cover my mouth and try to pretend I'm perfectly calm and sedate.

"Mokuta-kun... we should take him somewhere else. I can't carry him on my own you know." I say softly, staring intently at the grass. A little ladybug is crawling arouind, somehow not having been squashed in all the commotion, and I watch it with interest as it makes it's way across several blades of grass in the dark.

"He wouldn't want my help. He wants to hurt Krad. He'd pull a knife on you if it would get him his revenge."

"No he wouldn't! Satoshi..." I bite my lip, looking up at him (away from the bug), and see him... blushing.

What did I--

The honorific! I guess I did forget... I blush as well, shaking my head quickly.

"Sa-Hiwatari-kun, even if Krad was the one who hurt his father... you can help him. As you've said before, you're not Krad..." I look back at the silent, but now crying and frustrated Taro. I can feel Satoshi's icy blue eyes on me.

"Do you... love him?" He asks softly.

It only takes me a few seconds to think about it. Do I...?

I love the way he makes me feel. I love his kisses. I love his attention. But do I love Taro himself?

No...

I shake my head mentally, clearing it of these strange thoughts, and I kneel beside Taro, supporting him as I force him to stand.

"Hiwatari-kun, it's selfish to be thinking of something like that when Taro needs help." I say without thinking. Satoshi stares at me and I can catch the faintest glimpse of pain and panic in his eyes, then his mask goes up again and nothing can be seen but apathy.

He takes Taro from me, one eyebrow lifting as he realizes there is only two ways of carrying Taro, one being bridal-style and the other being on his back. Satoshi sighs dramatically and hefts Taro onto his back.

It's all I can do not to laugh.

"That actually looks... funny, Hiwatari-kun."

"Wonderful. I'm so happy you're amused." He says dryly. Taro lapsed into sleep, having used a lot of pent-up energy, and everyone stopped watching the show a while ago, so it almost seems to be Satoshi and me, walking down the long hallway.

"I... haven't seen you in school the past couple weeks. Were you sick Satoshi-kun?" I ask, trying to make some kind of noise to fill the dead silence around us. He nods.

"In... a way."

I don't find it hard to believe. He's thinner, not that Satoshi was ever anything but slim, and his hair isn't combed. I smile faintly and reach up to try and brush it into place. Satoshi watches my hand in bemusement, smirking faintly.

His hair is silky. I'll never be sure how he got blue hair when everyone else I know has hair colors that actually make SENSE. Well, except Dark-san. Purple does NOT look natural.

Satisfied with my hair-fixing, I leave his hair alone, walking in silence with him again. He seems about to say something, a breath being taken just before he realized we've reached our apparent destination. He pushes open a metal gate and gently sets Taro down on the front porch. It must be Taro's home, because an elderly maid opens the door, accepts the sight of her master unconscious, lifts him with surprising strength, and disappears indoors. There's not a word said throughout the entire transaction.

Satoshi pivots on his heel to leave, my arm suddenly in his hand.

"We can leave now." He informs me emotionlessly. "The servants and his older sister will take care of him, and all he needs is sleep. And a new direction in life." He shrugs, heading over and pushing open the metal gate, holding it open for me. I walk through, coming to walk beside him, trying to look into his empty eyes. Come on Satoshi, you obviously don't hate me, and I'm not even going to verge trying to understand who Taro really was _now_ so…

"Satoshi-kun, why did you come back to school if you were sick?"

"There was something I needed to say."

"What was it?"

He stops walking and I continue for a few steps before I realize he's not going to start again and I turn.

"Do you love Taro?" He asks, for the second time. But this time, I'll give him an answer.

"No."

"Do you love anyone?" He asks; his voice oddly soft. I smile, fighting to contain my rising energy. It's harder than anyone would think, not to smile when you're dying to, because I've figured this out now and Taro was right.

Satoshi DOES get insanely jealous.

"Well, it's kind of a secret" I say happily, batting my eyes. Ah, the little seductions I know… are pathetic, yes, but they get Satoshi to blush, something he quickly turns his head to avoid me seeing. But I know it's there.

"I love you." He says suddenly.

Oh.

Well.

That was sudden.

Does the world really work that way? One moment I've just broken up with someone who wasn't who I thought they were at all, and the next someone is in love with me? Someone I've… well, been a jerk to? For quite some time?

_"I don't like boys with glasses!"_

_"Dark-sama... I love you..."_

_"Aw man, I have to sit next to Hiwatari. Daaang."_

_"Dark-sama"_

_"Would you go out with me?"_

_"Do you love anyone Dark-sama?"_

Whirling, I press my lips to Satoshi's for a moment, just a peck really, and his face explodes in a blush. Silence abounds as I skip a bit ahead of him, taking mental inventory of my feelings. I can tell by kissing that Satoshi is different from Taro. That was light and fluffy, Satoshi and I could be something… much more.

I smile back at him.

"Let's give it some time. Let our relationship have purpose."

"Purpose again. You're really obsessed, aren't you?"

"Only when it's important. And I believe this is."

He smiles and it's like watching the first crack in a thick sheet of ice over a lake. Spring is coming, and I'm going to help it dawn.

The end.

(divider)

Ok, so I should've warned you it would be overly sappy. Oh well! None of you died... right? Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed and read this!!! You are all very nice and kind and wonderful to put up with writer's block, weird updating sprees, typos, strange storyline, ooc-ness, my own very strange writing style, and short chapters! It's people like you who keep fanfics and this pairing alive! XD

Edit: SORRY THAT TOOK SO LONG. Like almost two years long? Man, I almost couldn't bear to rewrite the last tiny bit of this chapter, my writing style has changed so dramatically. Thanks for trucking on through. Hope you've enjoyed this revision of chapters. I think it made it a lot better.

CrimsonEyedAngel99 aka Lisa


	15. Epilogue but not really

Actually, this is not an epilogue, it is just a notification that, yes, at long last, I finished rewriting the last chapter and it is now uploaded.

WE HAVE CLOSURE!

I'll have to fight the urge to do a rewrite of the rewrite, since my style has changed so much over the past two years, and I hope you enjoy the story. It's a bit cliché, maybe a little sappy, and with somewhat bi-polar OOC-ness, but at a 45,000 or so final word count (sorry, NaNoWriMo remnants are bobbling around in my brain), it makes for, I think, an semi-entertaining romance from two very different people's point of view.

Thank you SO much for sticking around until the end (you're a tenacious bunch), and for reviewing. I appreciate it very much. )

-Lisa/CrimsonEyedAngel99


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